Dom and the Case of the Missing Shrek Doll - 
by Umnata
In one moment too many of make-the-audience-hate-Dom, Drama comes over bragging about how good he's going to look in the shirt he's buying. Of course, Dom is already wearing it. Laying it on a little thick aren't we fellas? I mean, we get it, Dom's annoying, but you could give his character a few more shadings, so we could at least feel bad for hating him.
Vince wants Eric to call Ari and tell him to get Phil to make an offer. Eric's mind is totally blown by Vince's stupidity, but then Vince tells him that he's kidding. This is the movie he's been waiting to do, but he wants to make Dom feel like one of the team. He doesn't want Eric to argue with Dom anymore, but Eric is getting frustrated that Dom is talking about Vince's career, but is really just talking out of his ass. I guess Turtle and Drama aren't the only ones concerned about their ranking on the Vince food chain. Don't worry, E, you always have your hot girlfriend Sloane. Oh wait... is she even still on this show? Vince doesn't see the harm in letting Dom spin his wheels; it'll build his confidence and that will be good for him. Ugh. I get that Dom kinda, sorta, took the wrap for Vince back in the day for Marijuana possession, but come one already! I just don't buy that he'd be this wiling to help along and coddle Dom to this extent. Maybe I'm just a heartless bastard, but if being a heartless bastard means I don't have to deal with the Dominator, than so be it. Turtle comes in and tells the guys they need to leave immediately to beat the Santa Barbara traffic. Vince says not to worry and whips out his brand new, bigger movie star penis, and tells them that he's arranged to skip the traffic. Cut to helicopter ride to the party. God, I want to be the star of Aquaman so bad.
Dom is shocked by the massive spread that Phil Rubenstein, producer of Shrek has. He deduces that he can make Vince a $10 million offer no problem. Turtle chimes in that once Vince turns on the charm that's exactly what he'll do. Drama starts giving his baby brother some tips on how to work his magic with Phil, telling him to get "close enough to entice, but not close enough to encroach". Dom says to forget about Drama's approach, and just let Dom get close enough to scare Phil with his intimidating stare and man boobs.
Ari meets the guys and collects Vince. Dom asks where Rubensteinberg is, and Ari begs him to no longer speak. I do the same thing, but it doesn't have the equal effect. Vince is working his magic with Phil, who is delightfully played by Bruno Kirby. You remember Bruno Kirby, he was the third lead in City Slickers and the third lead in When Harry Met Sally... and then was, well, in this guest spot on Entourage. Regardless, Vince does all but get down on his knees and blow Phil, telling him how great Madagascar was (liar!) and how he'd love to be involved in the sequel as a Cheetah. Like I said last week, Vince may be a vacant hollowed out pretty boy who literally said the words "What do I want?" to Ari earlier in this episode, but, sadly, it's easy to see why he's a star. Ari keeps butting into the conversation getting overly anxious about making a deal, until Phil asks for alone time with Vince.
HOPE YOU DON'T LIKE THOSE PANTS PHIL, BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO CHARM THEM RIGHT OFF
Ari catches the guys discussing wine, and it's hysterical. Drama, having presummably watched Sideways one too many times, is sniffing the wine, which he says has a hint of "terra firma." Turtle doesn't know what it smells like so he passes it off to Ari, who in turn snaps at him, because he's stressed that he hasn't gotten word of a deal between Vince and Phil.
Meanwhile, Dom has excused himself to take a piss, and has intercepted the conversation between Phil and Vince. It's actually not a total disaster. Phil tells Ari that talking to Dom has given him a real good feel for who Vince really is. Dom takes this cue to tell a long story about this one time at band camp... no, that's not it. He tells a story about how he once got himself arrested, after thinking that he lost his car, but really had left it at home. In the interim, while the cops he'd called are reporting the car stolen, they run a check on Dom and find out he has a few warrants out for his arrest. The funny part is that he was waiting for the cops in the back of their own squad car, so he basically got himself arrested. And who did he call to come bail him out? That's right: Vince Chase. Luckily, Phil finds this story utterly charming, and they have a good laugh about it.
AHH, SO THIS IS WHAT THE PHYSICAL EMBODIMENT OF A CLICHE LOOKS LIKE
The guys are leaving the party and Ari catches up with them to tell Vince that he should be expecting an offer in the morning. And it's all thanks to Dom and his complete lack of tact and self-censorship! For old times sake: DOM da dom dom DOMMM!
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