Despite the fact that the charmingly mentally challenged Turtle set up the gig, everything seems pretty legit about the all expense paid trip to Vegas: Some club is paying Vince $100,000 to go to a party they are throwing. People pay Paris Hilton money to go to clubs all the time, so it's completely normal. And Vince probably won't have to participate in any Donkey Shows while he's down there, so: Vincent Chase - 1; Paris Hilton - 0. Eric doesn't know if it's the best idea - which continues to help my theory that he is, in fact, the secret love child of Samwise Gamgee and Debbie Downer . But Vince, having a rare moment of lucid self-realization, thinks that since everyone in Hollywood hates him only slightly less than they hate Mel Gibson, it'll be a good idea to get out of town for a bit. Turtle's reasoning for going: "Saying no to Vegas, is like saying no to a blowjob." Say what you will about the squat little guy (and I sure do), he makes some valid points.

Despite the persuasive and logical argument, Drama thinks he might pass on the trip. He has a pilot to shoot and needs to relax. If this were Pee Wee's Playhouse - if only! - PILOT would be the word of the day, seeing how Drama drops it more times than I drop celeb names in my recaps. Vince reminds him that there are two different kinds of Vegas: The debauchery laden sin factory and the laid back spa capital of the world. I've actually done both kinds of Vegas trips, crazy bar top dancing (apparently only hot girls are supposed to do that, not overweight bloggers) and laid back with food, booze and pool. Both are great, but either way, after 3 days in Vegas home is the only place in the world for me. Drama, remembering that he has a boyfriend in Vegas who gives one hell of a massage, decides to join the guys on the trip. Now there is only one piece of the puzzle left - convincing Ari to join them. Ari also tries to weasel his way out of a spur of the moment trip to Vegas on a Wednesday, but is defenseless against Vince's charms. He also has just a little bit of experience with Vegas, so he wants to see if things have changed since he impaled Kobe Tai in the bathroom a few years back.

The boys get to Vegas and Ari fields two calls from equally hostile females: Mrs. Ari and Babsm his new partner in the Miller Gold Talent Agency (The Ari Gold Super Duper Talent Agency is officially dead). Mrs. Ari is pisst off that he is skipping out on the theater with her parents, while Babs is not too pleased that he is servicing the needs to his top client when there are 150 of his OTHER clients that need his help. I love Beverly D'Angelo so much in this role, it's ridiculous. She's the scariest woman this side of Mrs. Ari, and her voice is like sand paper. Genius casting.

The first thing they do upon arrival is head over to the roulette table with $5.00. It's a tradition that they've had since they were crawling around the sewer that is Atlantic City - $5.00 on red. If they win, it will be a good weekend. Ari likes this game, better than the tradition he has of taking $5.00 and finding the cheapest hooker in Vegas. If he could find one to shave his ass for $5.00 it was going to be a good weekend. Ari, inspired by Vince's continued good luck streak, decides to take Vince on as a gambling partner.

On the way up to the room, Eric bumps into his archnemesis Seth Green, and his bizarro posse. There's even one guy who wears a hat just like Turtle! Except in the Seth Green alternate world, Eric would be the leader of the pack. Regardless, Seth asks Eric about Sloane again, and Eric starts to seethe anger, jealousy and Hobbit-osity. Apparently, Eric has a long history of being jealous, like the time he punched some guy in the face in high school. Or when Frodo stole his pipe. Eric can't be put at ease though; he starts to think that Seth knows Sloane, a lot better than either of them is letting on. Like as well as she knows Lance Bass.

There's a giddy-up in the hitch that is Turtle's fool proof plan for easy cash and parties: An itinerary spelling out Vince's duties for the day. Granted it's not like an interoffice memo most of us get at work, because this one reads with things like meet & greet at the pool, Stripper contest, etc. Vince wants to win some money, Ari and Eric need to go check out exactly what Vince is going to be the judge of (remember, Vince needs a better PR image) and Drama has already put on his robe from home, ready to get manhandled by his manseusse.

Posted by Umnata on August 8, 2006 11:21 PM