A Reunion With Flavor - 
by B-side

If you didn't watch VH1's amazing Flavor of Love reunion on Sunday, then you missed out on some of the best cat fights on reality TV since, well, the regular season of Flavor of Love. I never really got around to recapping this campy trifle of a show, but each episode was like some skanky, shrill delight. It was only fitting that this series had one of the most outlandish reunions ever in reality TV. Congratulations, mankind. Thousands of years on the planet, and it's all come to this.

The show starts off nice and easy. Rain whets our appetite with her generous offerings of breasts, neurosis, and "Bitch, I will slap you so hard!" spirit. She's sort of like the evening's amuse bouche of crazy.

As the slut parade continues, Serious tries to convince us that she's a real model. Not sure if doing the Tulsa Auto Show qualifies her as a Tyra Banks-worthy specimen, but she seems to believe it. When hostess Lala deigns to call Serious an "aspiring model," she has some harsh words. "I am NOT aspiring. I already get jobs! What I can't get is a date!" I'm sorry, Serious. The proper term is "tricks," not jobs. Well, actually, depends what sort of jobs she's talking about...

Great.
Red Oyster enters, much to the chagrin of all the women. You see, they all hate her because she ratted out half of them for having boyfriends and husbands and various other secrets. Unfortunately, no one ratted out Red Oyster for being a DRAG QUEEN.

Get the cattle prods ready.

Rain and Red Oyster get into a heated argument over something. Not sure if I remember what about, but it pretty much ends when Rain politely says, "Shut up, bitch. Just she the f*ck up, bitch!!!" Ah, the sort of verbal sparring I thought we lost with the demise of Frasier.
Miss Latin then gets into the mix as she drops a bombshell on Red Oyster: "Oyster. Look at yourself. You're ugly." Can't argue with that.

La La reveals that Red Oyster is actually married. Note the rapture seizing Rain in the background.

Ah, more sluts...
Flav disses Hottie by singing, "Hello my name is Hottie/ I'll blow my nose if it was snotty / if I only had a brain." Doesn't technically make sense, but we enjoy it nonetheless.

Yay! Goldie!

Goldie says that Cherries better stop talking shit about her.

And Cherry says "BITCH I WILL &$&@@$&*&!!!"

At which point Sweetie steps up to defend Goldie's honor...

Exactly.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, let the show begin.

Silence. The tranny has the floor.
As queen biatch New York takes the stage, she babbles on about whatever, causing jilted Flav-lover, Cherries, to say something about New York causing disharmony in the house. "You know what? Didn't you leave the first f*ckin' night?" New York replies.

She did NOT just say that!

Oh, she said it!

And she will say it again! Especially from this bizarre position!

And then she'll pull at your stanky ass weave!

New York then resorts to some old fashioned tongue taunting...

...but all it does is just make her look kind of like an alien.

Way to intervene, Flav. TEN MINUTES LATER.

"I got tickets to Ice Age 2: The Meltdown and you didn't, BITCH!"

"I didn't want to see that motherf*ckin' movie ANYWAY!"
And now the highly anticipated showdown between New York and Pumkin. New York starts things off with a speech.

"You know what? My ass been on pause. But I'm feelin' press play in a f*ckin' millisecond! 'Cause I'm all over that bitch in a f*ckin' millisecond. Now, ask that bitch what the f*ck you gotta ask her!" And yes, that's a direct quote.

"I'm an idiot!" Okay, not a direct quote.

"Well, let me say this... you know what? I ain't going to spit because I got way more motherf*ckin' class than you... but you know what?" (Back to direct quotes)

"I AM however gonna bitch slap you!!!"

Seriously, does the bodyguard always have to step in?

There must be so many proud parents.

After everything settles down, the girls each have thirty seconds to say whatever they have to say (most likely nothing).

Pumkin: "Blah blah blah I'm dumb blah blah blah." Oh wait, no. She does actually say something of note: "I'm glad to see you got castrated."

Okay, New York. You have the floor. What say you?

Aaaand she's charging again.

Nice extension. Nice form. I give her a 9.

With the safety of her girls around her, Pumkin says, "I didn't come on Jerry f*ckin Springer. Get the f*ckin' psychotic bitch out of here!" Pumkin then turns to the camera and says, "Hey Jerry. Call me!"

And finally, the obligatory blurred breast image.
And that was basically it. Oh yeah, Hoopz, the girl who won the whole damn thing came out at the end and revealed that she and Flav had broken up, but we all knew that would happen. You gotta love a reunion show where the big winner only has about two minutes of airtime. Did you see this hour of insanity? What did you think?
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Comments
Half the women look like drag queens. Wow.
Posted by: Mark
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April 3, 2006 2:28 AM(#1 of 27)
This is my first comment, but all I got to say is that I loved every minute of the reunion special, and this recap is hysterical! Where were you during the regular season?
Posted by: joshman5k
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April 3, 2006 5:31 AM(#2 of 27)
I had this show scheduled on DVR for a whole week and recorded some crap called Not So Torius Spelling. Which I deleted, STAT and ended up catching Fuffy Fuffy half way in.
What I saw was hilarious, more so than the regular season and to see your break-down B-side had me rolling all over again. That screencap of New York doing her ghetto girl neck roll which almost dislocated her spine was HI-LARRY-US.
Anyways I was waiting for New York to kick that Pumpkin's beotch ass cause Pumpkin been talking sheet all season about whoopin up on New York and always managed to have someone around holding her back. It was time New York got some payback cause if a beotch spit a big loogie on my weave it's on. To hell with the opportunity to bang Flava Flave on a regular basis. Bitch is getting her ass kicked.
And WTF is up with Rain. She got some type of psycho stalker sheet going on with Fuffy Fuffy. She don't even know the man and crying and sheet and getting kicked of the show, AGAIN. Somebody better hospitalize that girl before she goes Sirhan Sirhan on someone.
Anyways, can't wait to see the full show. Which my DVR is scheduled to record, I hope.
VH1 stop fucking with your schedules at the last minute.
PS. B-side, you gould have at least had a screencap of Hoops since she was the winner and the most beautiful one there. Plus it gives people who don't watch the show an idea of the competition.
Funny, that Hoops won and decided not to give up the cookies to Fuffy Fuffy. You go girl for not slutting yourself out. But Hoops should have whooped New Yorks ass for jumpin in her bidness at the end of the show.
Posted by: America's Next Top Fan
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April 3, 2006 5:55 AM(#3 of 27)
PS. I loooove some Goldie. Hey Goldie. Hope you reading this girlfriend. And loved how Lala jumped off the stage evertime some sheet went down. That girl moved faster than Carl Lewis.
Posted by: America's Next Top Fan
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April 3, 2006 6:01 AM(#4 of 27)
Darnit, I was out all weekend partying and missed this tvgasm of tvgasm moments. Nooooo boyeee!. I shall not worry since VH1 will rerun it into the ground.
Posted by: BigTeebo
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April 3, 2006 8:13 AM(#5 of 27)
That was the greatest reunion show....EVER! Multiple Tvgasms were had!!
And the recap, hilarious. But you failed to mention how rain almost fell on the floor trying to get to Red Oyster.
Posted by: cookie
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April 3, 2006 8:17 AM(#6 of 27)
Since there is going to be a second round of skanks bidding for the love of a creepy guy who eats with his mouth open...perhaps tvgasm will do recaps of those?!?!
PLEASE!!!
p.s. Did anyone else think that Big Rick was getting cozy with NY?
hb
Posted by: HoneyBunny
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April 3, 2006 9:03 AM(#7 of 27)
B-Side, I haven't been on TVgasm for long but if I am not mistaken I haven't seen one of your recaps with so few words and so many screencaps. Even though I missed your witty and insightful commentary, I think in this case you were right on. These pictures speak more than words could express any day! But I must say your "Silence. The tranny has the floor" was just great!
When Lala said Mz. Red Oyster has been keeping a secret from everyone I thought for sure she'd say that she was a man or was once a man. Married? huh.
Anyone notice Smiley's implants? Shame. She looked better before, I thought.
Cracks me up how Pumkin runs the hell outta the way like that. Wasn't quite fast enough when she did the Big Spit Incident,but at the Reunion she was.Yeah Pumkin, I thought it was very much Jerry Springer too.
Please please please B-Side, you just GOTTA recap Flavor Of Love 2! You just GOTTA!
Posted by: MrsC
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April 3, 2006 9:05 AM(#8 of 27)
HoneyBunny, I did notice that too and made comment of it on the video montage piece that TVGasm just did...even before I read your comment.
You and I are right here. :)
Posted by: lowtalker
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April 3, 2006 9:14 AM(#9 of 27)
Did anyone else get a lesbian vibe from Hoops? I'm thinking that's why things didn't work out. She reminded me of Rachel from Road Rules.
Pumkin is such a pussy-nothing like talking shit than hightailing it as soon as NY came after her.
I just don't understand why these women-Rain & NY especially-are so obsessed with Flav. Ok, it looks like he has money, but every time I saw him stick his tongue down someone's throat I threw up a little in my mouth. Even Lala seemed creeped out by the whole thing-she was resting her hand on his chair like she was told to stand near him and by knowing where his chair was she sould be close but not too close.
Posted by: tvaholic
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April 3, 2006 9:30 AM(#10 of 27)
"Their parents must be so many proud parents."
OMG, that is exactly what I was thinking. My fav girl has to be Goldie. The rest of them are so lame, it boggles the mind.
Posted by: plexitoes
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April 3, 2006 11:01 AM(#11 of 27)
That should of course say "There must be so many proud parents"
Posted by: plexitoes
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April 3, 2006 11:02 AM(#12 of 27)
tvaholic: seriously, what is up with so many "ladies" wanting that horrible little man? And I wonder how much of what we see is Flav's money or the producers. Let's not forget, he was a drug addict and they tend to spend.
This was a marvelous reunion and B-Side, your screencaps were the cherry on top.
If Pumkin ever comes up missing or dead, who do you think the police will interview first?
Posted by: zevonia
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April 3, 2006 11:43 AM(#13 of 27)
Is Goldie Arsenio Hall's sister?
Posted by: BigTeebo
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April 3, 2006 1:12 PM(#14 of 27)
zevonia-if Pumkin turns up missing or dead, will anyone care? Ooh, that was rude, I know.
Another annoying New York moment-the constant "Are ya' feelin' me?" and "You're feelin' me!" to the audience. Maybe she just needs a hug.
Posted by: tvaholic
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April 3, 2006 1:28 PM(#15 of 27)
I didn't watch the season at all but I made sure to record the reunion last night because I thought it'd be classic. Those pics were hilarious. Can't wait to watch this when I get home from work.
Posted by: stacyrocks
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April 3, 2006 1:41 PM(#16 of 27)
zevonia/#13 - not only did Flav used to have a drug problem, but he also has a gaggle of kids to support. He owes a ton of back child support, which I'm sure will now be collected since he's done three reality shows. There's little doubt in my mind that this man actually has NO money, but these dumb broads thinks he does.
NY and Hottie were my absolute LEAST favorite people on the show. I wish someone would knock NY out.
Posted by: livemusicjunkie
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April 3, 2006 1:52 PM(#17 of 27)
Holy crap! I am crying! That was frickin' hilarious... Is that a TvGasm that NY is having there at the end? You had me at the Ice Age 2 comment...You complete me.
Posted by: amber
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April 3, 2006 6:19 PM(#18 of 27)
OMG! I am so excited you decided to recap this reunion! This reality show was the best sitcom on tv! I think NY is like the best reality show contestant ever..lol..she irritated me until i realized that even she couldnt believe the BS that was coming out of her own mouth and it became humorous watching her each week try to top her last insult or compliment of herself.
Pumpkin is a wuss. She has been going round telling everyone it wasnt even spit..it was Evian water and the producers MADE her do it! then she talks trash and runs like a puppy when NY comes after her. I woulda paid for one good slap cross her need of a face-lift face. Her head-first crash into the cameras after the spitting incident is one of reality tv's finer moments. No wonder she never got off the NEXT bus!
btw..Smiley's had those breasts during the show..she admitted to it during the lie detector.
Goldies da bomb!
Posted by: UgoGurl
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April 4, 2006 7:10 AM(#19 of 27)
Just when I start thinking to myself, "damn, the 'gasm missed the boat on not recapping this show", you go and do me proud! I'm sorry, but I think that was one the best reality shows ever and the reunion was High-larious! Every time they rerun it, I'm going to watch it and laugh like it was the first time I saw it.
Posted by: joslyn
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April 4, 2006 9:59 AM(#20 of 27)
joslyn, I'm with you. this is one of those shows that made me laugh out loud.
Posted by: America's Next Top Fan
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April 4, 2006 2:19 PM(#21 of 27)
Ha, I loved this reunion. One of the best I've seen, every second was hilarious. What was up with that chick Cherries? She was eliminated the first night but tried to get into it with Goldie AND THEN New York. I loved Goldie's line to her "Are you mad? You left after the first night. Here goes somebody trying to get their time cause she didn't get any on the show."
Posted by: CTVampSlayer
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April 4, 2006 2:43 PM(#22 of 27)
I didn't watch the season either (except, of course, for the New York/Pumkin faceoff), but made sure to tune in to the reunion. Best hour of my life.
New York: "I have waaayyy more class than you, so I will not spit in your face. [pause] I AM, however, gonna bitch-slap you!"
Classic.
Posted by: antebellum
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April 4, 2006 3:16 PM(#23 of 27)
I'm not surprised Hoopz and Flavor Flav called it off. When he gave her her grillz she looked freaked out. I also refuse to believe Hottie went to an Ivy League School [Univ. of Pennsylvania I think] after the whole microwaved chicken incident. New York makes great T.V. She's a ghetto version of Real World's Tonya.
Posted by: Terence
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April 6, 2006 2:39 PM(#24 of 27)
I was surfing for comments on the Flav Love Reunion and came here. I laughed so hard! I keep looking at the pics because I'm really enjoying myself. You froze these gals at some ugly angles. The pics are crazy. Sweetie trying to defend Goldie!? Unnecessary. My girl can handle herself. Rain is a NUT! She looks psycho! All the pics of NY are scary and hilarious! She looks bad in each picture. She is so ugly inside then turns around and makes all those scary faces. She has a HUGE mouth. Oh, the last pic of her and the body guard is funny. It looks like they are making the worst porno ever! Look at her face! Hee! Hee!
Posted by: mustangblitz
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April 7, 2006 9:47 AM(#25 of 27)
Oh, the comments under each picture were too funny!
Posted by: mustangblitz
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April 7, 2006 9:49 AM(#26 of 27)
I am a little disappointed that TVgasm didn't recap this show. I'm sure if B-Side or J-Unit did it the recaps would be HILARIOUS. But the show was funny enough by itself. The idea that these women would get so down and dirty to win ...Flavor Flav? Come on. Thew New York/Pumkin showdown was classic, on the show and on the reunion. It's so funny how Pumkin ran off the stage everytime New York came after her.After spitting in her face and talking so much shit, she didn't even fight back. So it wasn't as much Springer as it was kind of a one-sided match. Cherries is a complete loser. She obviously tried to milk her 15 minutes during this reunion show since she got kicked out the first night. I found it so funny how Goldie (who was one of my favorite girls) called her out on her shit and she just went nuts. Did anyone else catch what Sweetie said when she came up and defended Goldie? "No, I'm Gail, she's Oprah." And Red Oyster is just disgusting. She ran around as Flav's little spy, talking about everyone, and turns out she's still legally married. Ha! And does someone think it was a little ironic how Hoopz and Flav didn't work out and now he wants to do it again? Season 2, anyone? But unless they find the same type of crazy chicks they found on this season, I doubt it will be the same.
Posted by: hollabackboy
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April 7, 2006 11:48 AM(#27 of 27)