Oh, the Fertility - 
by m_ruv
Sooo... episode 11 of the Grey's Anatomy season opened less dramatically than I expected, given last week's cliffhanger in which a woman had just given birth to a set of very high-risk quintuplets. I figured the first few minutes of this week would be a veritable playground of shrieking and placentas, but alas, we open with the five babies already in incubators, enjoying their little baby-size oxygen masks and baby-size iPods. Baby Lucy, who has brain swelling, has appropriately been assigned to enormous-headed intern George. Charlotte (lung problems) is Meredith's; Emily (heart defects) is Izzie's; Julie (the most fun one, organs outside of her body) is Cristina's. Kate, the baby who's doing pretty much fine, is given to Alex, which seems unwise since he's lazy as shit and will probably kill the damn thing anyway. How COINCIDENTAL that there are five babies for five interns! And one for each surgical specialty! Bravissima!!
Speaking of Alex, he comes up to Izzie because he wants to talk about last week's incident in which she walked in on him, oh, bonking the syphilis-bearing nurse, Olivia. Izzie tells him in so many words to F off. Angry and embarrassed, she goes on and on to the other interns about how upset she is and about how mindblowing she is in bed. Yeah yeah yeah, you were an underwear model. Congrats! Anyway, the others say Izzie dodged a bullet and is better off without Alex. Izzie says they aren't being supportive. So Meredith, attempting to be a true friend to Izzie, says, "What it is, girlfriend! You're totally right! What could be better than getting hitched to a slimy, syphilis-carrying asshole who failed his medical boards and thus will be unable to provide you with the luxurious lifstyle to which you've become accustomed? OMG could I be your maid of honor??!?" Actually, in her voiceover, Meredith declares that the whiny/philosophical theme of this week's episode is loneliness. This is bound to be a hoot.
Boundless loneliness ensues. Cristina, after staying over at Dr. Burke's for the night, avoids him in the morning, declines the breakfast he prepared, and rushes out the door without saying goodbye. Back at the hospital, George asks Meredith tentatively about maybe going to get a drink later, but she clearly isn't listening cause she's distracted by the sight of the Drs. Shepherd arguing. IIIIINTERESTING.
First patient of the week is a guy who had melanoma and is having circulation problems on the areas where he had reconstructive surgery. Elementary, my dear Watson, let's put leeches all over his face to thin his blood and drain it out. Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton LOVE this episode. Next we move back to MOST ANNOYING PATIENT EVER from last episode, the thirsty, delusional, whiny guy with a pituitary cyst. Alex basically killed this guy last week by giving Olivia, the syphilitic nurse, some incorrect dosing info that essentially shriveled up the guy's brain. Dr. He-Shepherd kicked Alex off the case as a result.
Back in the preemie patch we learn that external-organs Julie needs another operation, brain-shunt Lucy is cruising, heart-defect Emily is in serious trouble, underdeveloped-lungs Charlotte is having trouble breathing, and just-peachy Kate already left the hospital to go shopping at Baby Prada. But WAIT!! We have a new patient! It's guest star Rosanna Arquette, a prisoner from the local jail who just got herself out of solitary confinement by swallowing a bunch of razor blades. Never mind how the hell she got all those razor blades in prison, WRITERS. Anyway, this crazy combative bitch won't tell Cristina and Dr. Bailey how many razor blades she swallowed—somewhat understandably, though, since she's losing her mind in solitary confinement and wants to extend her stay in the hospital as long as possible. Apparently she's in prison because she murdered three people. In related news, Billy Bob Thornton wants her number.
Meanwhile, nurse Olivia is having trouble getting the leeches to attach to melanoma guy's face. Apparently the leeches are nervous. Well no shit Olivia, they can tell you were once VIRULENT WITH SYPHILIS. George, though equally acquainted with the crotch rot, has no trouble getting the leeches to stick. Hmm, this guy might have a promising career in leech husbandry. That would make a great sitcom. Anyway, post-leeches, Izzie and Olivia get stuck in the elevator together. Seriously, this place has more awkward elevator rides than a high-rise sperm bank. Overly apologetic Olivia talks herself silly trying to make it up to Izzie, but the more she talks, the worse it gets.
Back in low-birth-weight land, the babies' mother is suffering from some severe postpartum depression. Izzie, ironically, wasn't the SUPPORTIVE FRIEND that the woman needed last week, and it's clear that Izzie's judgmental words about the mother's use of fertility drugs got under the woman's skin. As Cristina walks into the nursery, she catches Dr. Bailey bonding with the preemies and babbling to them like a damned fool because she thinks nobody's watching. But Dr. Bailey insists that her own pregnancy hasn't made her soft. Sho thang, sista. Meredith takes the opportunity to display her sensitive side, comforting the babies' mother and bringing her into the nursery so she actually has a chance to spend time with the infants. But as soon as the mother comes in, baby Charlotte stops breathing and has to be resuscitated.
"And I name YOU Oprah."
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