The episode begins with a closeup of Meredith's eyes, along with a voiceover in which she says that patients get a certain look, a certain scent, a certain—how do the French say—I don't know what. Anyway, there's a particular aspect that patients get when they sense that death is imminent. Meredith sheds a lone poetic tear but fortunately doesn't go into the fake-crying hysterics like last week. She finishes with a rhetorical question—if you could do one thing before you died, what would it be?

Apparently Meredith's final wish is hot lesbo action, because we cut immediately to a scene of her and Izzie together in the shower, soaping each other up. Then Cristina enters the shower as well, and the whole scene is baffling until it becomes clear that THIS MUST BE GEORGE'S DREAM. Which, indeed, it turns out to be. As the dream continues, George hops in the shower with all three women. Izzie says breathlessly that George is "the strongest most masculine man I've ever known;" Meredith purrs out that she's always been in love with George and always will be. HA, good show good show, this is hilarious. George lets his towel drop as he closes the door behind him, revealing a beaut of a Brazilian wax.

Highlights of the direct-to-DVD hit Ellen Pompeo and the Isle of Lesbos

Just as the bosoms start heaving, George wakes up with a jolt and falls out of bed. Izzie storms into his room and complains that he keeps clogging the toilet. Gross. In the next room, Meredith's dressed and ready for work but has gone back to bed, whining that she wants to stay home. Izzie and George insist she has to go to the hospital—after all, maybe there'll be some big fun horrific accident with lots of blood and DEATH. But even this appeal to Meredith's good side fails, so Izzie and George call in the big guns—Cristina "Seoulcrusher" Yang—to roust Meredith out of bed.

Meredith has some vague feeling that she might die, so she still refuses to go in. She goes on and on about how the man she loves has a wife, and chose her over Meredith, and then the wife took Meredith's dog to boot! BITCH YOU GAVE HER THE DOG YOURSELF, so quit your whining. Anyway, Meredith continues that Dr. She-Shepherd now has her McDreamy, her McLife, so what does she herself have left? Not much, sweetie, aside from A NICE WARM GLASS OF McSHUT THE HELL UP. Meredith says she needs something, some sign, some hope, some reason to go on—til that arrives, she's staying in bed. Thankfully, Cristina, showing no empathy whatsoever, jumps onto the bed and literally kicks Meredith out.

At the hospital, Dr. Webber observes that the patient board is very quiet, which in his experience means trouble. Yeah, I saw the previews for tonight's episode, and when Christina Ricci crashes your show, the end can't be far away. Dr. He-Shepherd, meanwhile, confronts Dr. Burke about why he won't ever call him "Derek"—after all, they've known each other for a while and should be on a first-name basis by now. Dr. Burke declines, and not even respectfully!

Cristina arrives at the hospital with Meredith and laments that she hasn't been in the O.R. for two days, so her bloodthirst is dangerously unquenched. The other interns complain that the last couple replacement residents overseeing them have sucked. Boooo, does this mean that Dr. Heron from last week won't be back? I was counting on her ballsy nuttiness—nutty ballsiness?—for at least a couple more episodes. Meredith once again says she has a bad feeling—hmmm, I wonder if something bad might happen this episode—but Dr. He-Shepherd says she should just wait and it'll go away. Izzie, ever one to stay on topic, tells Alex that though she's forgiven him for cheating on her, her legs are "closed to [him] now." "Backdoor action," however, remains a possibility.

The patient board remains so empty that the interns go outside and salivate like rottweilers at the ambulance arrival area, waiting for some fresh meat to cut up. Out of nowhere, Dr. Bailey shows up to inform them that she's PISSED—they've run off two replacement residents already and have earned such a bad reputation that nobody in the hospital wants to work with them. George runs up and inexplicably hugs Dr. Bailey, which instantly causes her water to break all over his shoes. Damn, nothing puts a subordinate in his place like the good old amniotic fluid. Well played!

"Who's pregnant and fabulous? That's right, MHMM."

Uh-oh, here comes an ambulance, which I imagine contains whatever manner of malevolence and death the commercials for this episode have been hyping. The interns open the ambulance doors to find a woman covered in blood and screaming her head off, which is understandable because she's standing next to Christina Ricci. The actual patient is lying on a stretcher with a giant hole in his chest, which Ms. Ricci has generously offered to remedy by PLUNGING HER FIST INTO IT. A veritable Florence Nightingale.

Christina Ricci, though I don't trust the bitch for a second, says they found the patient unconscious and bleeding with a large chest wound, but since the guy's unhelpful wife won't stop SHRIEKING—I mean really, the silly ho hasn't stopped for a half second—they have no idea what caused the injury.

Posted by m_ruv on February 9, 2006 9:46 AM