Izzie breaks the news to Denny that he's getting a new heart. In his "sensitive guy voice" he asks her to repeat the news because he wants to savor it. But then the mood is killed when a nurse comes in with do-not-resuscitate papers for Denny to sign. Izzie gets frantic and insists that Denny doesn't need them. But he's sick of being bedridden and says that if the transplant doesn't come through he's gonna throw in the towel because he believes in heaven and wouldn't mind a trip up. HEAR HEAR. Izzie is incensed, but Denny signs the DNR papers anyway.

Cristina's young engaged couple are slowly making nice again, as the boyfriend professes his love and promises weekly shopping sprees at Sephora. But Cristina warns the girl never to believe what men say: they butter you up with sweet talk and then the minute you need something they pass you over for surgery or duck behind you when somebody's shooting. The girl says Cristina shouldn't be so bitter.

Apparently Mercy West Hospital is located in the Soviet Union circa 1967, because that's what the facilities look like. As Burke and Alex arrive, a doctor tells them that there are actually two transplant hearts available (two brothers who were in a car accident together) and that both are a match for Denny. We then meet what appears to be Burke's nemesis: a Mercy West surgeon named Dr. Hahn, who finished second to Burke in their med school class at The Johns Hopkins University. This Dr. Hahn is wearing flaming red scrubs to indicate that she's the second coming of Satan.

"Hiya folks! I'll be your Antichrist today!"

Back at SGH, He-Shepherd scrubs in for the patient who was shot in the head. She-Shepherd stops by, but he barely pays attention. She asks if he's ever gonna tell her what's going on between him and Meredith; he repeats that there's nothing to tell, then leaves. Frustrated, She-Shepherd starts to cry a little bit, vowing to Botox herself to all hell and adopt a gravelly voice in order to win his love back.

At Mercy West, one of the potential heart donors crashes, making the heart inviable for transplant. Burke runs as fast as he can to the other O.R., where Dr. Hahn is about to start removing the other donor heart. He tells her to stop immediately, and the two get into a big spat over who has dibs. To resolve it, Burke suggests that they call UNOS, the organization that oversees organ transplant waiting lists. Hahn says this is pathetic and would prefer just to cut the heart out and play tug-of-war with it til somebody emerges victorious.

At SGH, Meredith approaches Dr. Torres at the board, asking to scrub in on the busboy's surgery because she's never done a plates-and-screws operation before. But Callie's in a foul mood and says the O.R.s are all backed up and all those hijo de puta specialists keep knocking her surgeries down to the bottom of the list. Ever one to pick up on nuances of mood and timing, Meredith chooses this moment to ask Callie about her dog's bone cancer. Dr. Torres can't believe Meredith's worried about McDreamy's goddamned dog when they have a patient on their hands who could potentially lose his leg.

According to UNOS's transplant-priority point system, Dr. Hahn's patient is ahead by just a fraction—what's more, her patient was admitted to the transplant section seventeen seconds earlier than Denny. What were the odds? Burke's phone rings, and it's Izzie checking in. Alex answers and gives Izzie the bad news, saying that Denny might lose the heart to the other recipient. Izzie panics and, on the fly, starts making up a bunch of lies about how Denny's condition is suddenly worsening by the second. As she keeps lying, Alex realizes what's going on and refuses to lie on Izzie's behalf. Izzie requests that he put Burke on the phone instead.

She-Shepherd approaches Meredith and says haltingly that she has to ask her something. After stuttering out some preemptive apologies, she finally asks point blank whether Meredith is sleeping with her husband. Meredith reassures her that she's not. Though relieved, She-Shepherd remains confused because in the elevator that morning she sensed that He-Shepherd and Meredith were having a lover's quarrel. Meredith insists that she's moved on—after all, she's dating the vet, and they have a HOT non-sex life. She-Shepherd quickly pieces things together, realizes why He-Shepherd is so mad, and leaves the room upset.

With Burke on the phone now, Izzie continues to make up fake stats for Denny. Burke gives her instructions on how to stabilize Denny and then announces to the UNOS honcho (conferencing in via speakerphone à la Charlie's Angels) that Denny may now have the lead in the Great Transplant Derby of 2006. Burke instructs Izzie to get some diagnostic tests done on Denny and report the results back within an hour.

I hope that's her Klonopin refill she's calling in

Back at SGH, He-Shepherd pokes around in the head-wound patient's brain, using big words like "fungating." The girl's injury is very grave, and He-Shepherd deems her brain-dead. He and George deliver this news to the girl's parents, who ask about the daughter's unborn baby. Though He-Shepherd says the fetus seems okay, it's immaterial because the daughter is essentially dead and there are still 30 weeks left in her pregnancy. He says he needs the parents' consent to take the daughter off life support. The parents ask whether they can keep the daughter plugged—or at least on standby—until the baby is born. George advises against this, but the father blows up at him for saying so.

Posted by m_ruv on May 15, 2006 5:04 PM