The Sweet Valley High girls ask Webber's niece whether losing her v-card was romantic. Camille says that she and her boyfriend are in love and have that feeling of complete comfort and self-confidence in front of each other. She-Shepherd mists up as she overhears this, longing for the lost days of high-school romance and catching the clap under the stadium bleachers. Camille admits that she's had abdominal pains for the last month or so but has been hiding her symptoms because she didn't want to miss her prom. In light of this, her prognosis is pretty bad.

"OMG, how romantic is scabies?!?? Totally."

Afterward, She-Shepherd and Mrs. Webber reminisce about losing their respective virginities. Mrs. Webber remembers the guy but none of the details; She-Shepherd recalls every last detail because the sex was so bad. She says that later came the good stuff, and much later the really good stuff—adultery! Mrs. Webber laments that her niece might never have the chance to experience even the beginning of these wonders of the carnal realm.

Denny's heart isn't doing so well. Cristina continues to be judgmental, and Izzie begs her to at least try to understand. Cristina asks how Izzie can possibly love this guy so much when she barely knows him and hasn't even seen him outside the hospital. THANK YOU. But Izzie says she knows him well enough to know that there's possibility there. Denny chimes in and says that if Izzie were at all sane—she isn't buddy, have you NOT BEEN WATCHING THIS SHOW—she would run full speed away from him and never marry him like he wants her to. Izzie's wonders whether he really just said that.

More of Camille's friends show up, all prom-clad, but Webber shoos them away and tells them to come back tomorrow, in smaller groups, so they don't interfere with hospital operations. Mrs. Webber cannot believe this shit and demands how DARE he send the girls away. She says if Webber won't bend the rules for his niece, he should at least do it for her, his WIFE, who's been bending her own rules for his sake for years, never complaining about his long hours, looking the other way when he had an affair with Ellis Grey, and even sobering him up afterward. Hmm, well GUESS SHE KNEW ABOUT THAT. Anyway Mrs. Webber says if he doesn't start prioritizing the needs of his family he can find a new place to sleep. Thankfully, I hear Dr. Torres rents out rooms in the basement for five bucks a night. Housekeeping and mood lighting included!

"Mhmmm son, cause you went Grey now you got to PAY"

He-Shepherd examines Burke, who has numbness in one of his hands. Apparently Burke suffered some sort of mini-aneurysm that's pressing on a nerve, and they need to operate but there's risk he could lose the function of his entire arm. He-Shepherd isn't sure what to do. In the hall, She-Shepherd approaches him to discuss their big spat from earlier. He-Shepherd runs and tries to hide in a closet, but turns out Anderson Cooper's already in there and there's no room. Damn!

So He-Shepherd ducks into a lounge and encounters Dr. Webber, who's hiding out and trying desperately to get some perspective: 1) His niece is 17 and apparently has terminal cancer; 2) turns out his wife knew about his extramarital affair yet stayed with him; and 3) he just found out they discontinued the Cajun Shrimp Special at Red Lobster. Rough day. He-Shepherd, for his part, babbles nonsensically about his fear of operating on Burke.

Speaking of, Bailey stops by Burke's bed and asks if he needs anything. He asks for ice chips, morphine, and Cristina—a recipe for a brutal hangover if I ever heard one. Incidentally we learn that Burke's middle name is Xavier—as if he weren't devastatingly aristocratic enough ALREADY oh you sexy BITCH, YOU. Bailey asks Burke if he's seen any of her interns, because she suddenly realizes she hasn't seen any of them in a while.

Denny starts crashing—shocker—so the interns rummage frantically through a bunch of medications looking for something they've heard of. Just as they find the one Meredith thinks they need, who walks in but BAILEY, with her bullshit detector set to high. She bellows that the interns—excuse me, "fools"—better have a good explanation for what's going on in this room.

Bailey commands Izzie to step away from the patient, but Izzie insists that she has to keep pumping his heart manually. At this point Bailey sees the severed LVAD tube and yells that Izzie is DONE and must leave the room. Bailey instructs syphilitic nurse Olivia, her face now completely disfigured by the venereal disease that is an outward symptom of her inner moral ruin, to take over for Izzie. But Izzie screams at Olivia "DO NOT TOUCH ME"—understandable, frankly, what with Olivia's virulent contagion—which prompts Bailey to order everyone else out of the room.

Outside, Bailey rails into the interns, asking them what the hell they were thinking, what happened to rational thought, their medical oath to first do no harm? But then she commands them not to say a word because she doesn't want to have to testify against them in court since that would mean a confrontation with Star Jones and Star Jones is a lawyer AND SHE KNOWS THE LAW. Bailey gets increasingly upset and, her voice breaking, sends George to get Denny's lab results.

"Excuse me, this doesn't seem to be the sandalwood-scented oxygen I requested"

Posted by m_ruv on May 21, 2006 11:34 PM