Maybe They Should Stick to Pasta Roni - 
by B-side
Poor Jimmy. Things just kept getting worse for him. "Go for a walk, lose some weight!" scoffed Gordon. But the more Jimmy walked, the more likely he was to knock something over or burn his hands. Eventually it was JP, not G-Ram, who finally said the quote most deserving to be taken out of context: "Jimmy, stop touching yourself!" But JP, when he thinks about you... a little Divinyls humor. Hello? Anyone? Is thing on?
With the food service becoming more and more of a disaster, a dopey customer decided he would give Ramsey a piece of his mind. YES! We haven't seen one of these in a while. Oh, and this guy seems like an unabashed idiot too! "Ramsey!" he yelled across the dining room. Seriously, this guy is gonna get decapitated. This is so awesome.
Well, actually it was fairly low-key. Despite the diner's annoying dramatics, Ramsey was very apologetic and polite. Hey, that is NOT cool. You are contractually obligated to be ridiculous at all times. Now dance! Nevertheless, the customer eventually slunk away, saying "You have a good night." To which Ramsey replied, "Yeah, you lose some weight." ZING! Man, G-Ram seems really preoccupied with people shedding some pounds. Maybe he's more caring than we thought. Or maybe he just needs to get some new material. Yeah, it's probably that. I mean, as much as I love all the random "turd" compositions ("inflated turd," "dehydrated camel's turd," "Camilla St. Turdbottom, The Third" -- okay, I made that last one up), it might be time to revamp the old insult machine.
Anyway, after two more hours of this mess, Gordon finally sneered his favorite line, "SHUT IT DOWN!", leaving forty-two customers hungry. Forty two! Good thing there weren't any doctorates of music in the house, otherwise we'd have a brawl. Still, despite serving fewer people, the Blue team's food was higher rated, and so despite Michael's Machiavellian kitchen tactics (named the "Lasagna Conspiracy" by the narrator), Blue won. All was not lost for Michael though, as he was chosen to nominate teammates for elimination. We then cut to Michael in the corner, talking to himself: "Michael is Chef Ramsey's favorite. Michael doesn't need these other cooks. Michael will kill. Yes, Michael will kill...especially the fat one. My precious..."
Surely, this would be a face off between Elsie and Jimmy, especially given Michael's penchant for tucking wee Christopher into bed. But no! Jimmy miraculously survived the ax as Michael nominated Elsie and Chris. Oooh... strategy. Me likey! And when asked why Chris, Michael had the smug but clever response, "If Chris is the strongest link, he'll be here tomorrow." Throwing down the gauntlet, eh? Well, it was a smart move because Ramsey eliminated Chris in a heartbeat, which wasn't really a surprise given the fact that G-Ram has hated him from day one (Chris was, after all, the official "plank" of the cast).
Was this a smart move? Do we really care about who gets eliminated? The show is fun and everything, but isn't it kind of bad that none of these characters seem particularly engrossing?
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Comments
Love the still of Chris hearing of his betrayal...but that robotic head-turn should've been a video! It was hysterical. His head stayed perfectly still as his neck...I dunno...he looked like one of the Thunderbird puppets or a member of Team America.
Elsie, who I alternately like/hate, is getting a classic "winner's edit." I hope it's a swerve...Go Ralph, you well-hung schlub.
Posted by: Mike | July 1, 2005 12:57 PM(#1 of 14)
Oh! Please, please, please liveblog! Post the rules so we can play along too.
Posted by: mountain girl | July 1, 2005 1:27 PM(#2 of 14)
I have waited with baited breath for your summary of Hell's Kitchen. You didn't disappoint, except for the terminally long wait. Very entertaining.
I didn't even notice that Michael had tucked Chris in. How creepy! Oh, and shut up Elsie, we already have one blathering narrator so we don't need her as the mini-narrator. Michael's silliloquy to the billboard god looked contrived and it brought the show down. It looked like someone had written it for him. I still don't get how "inspiring" G-Ram is to his chefs when he tells Jimmy to "Take a walk, lose some weight". And how smart is it to tell your customers who are paying to eat your food to "Lose some pounds". If he was trying to lose pounds, he wouldn't be eating at a pass-ta restaurant? Am I the only one who thought it was unfair that one team had 3 while the other had 4? Ironically, Michael's Lasagna Conspiracy backfired in his face as everyone loved the blue team's lasagna which caused his red team to lose. They weren't lying when they advised people that they couldn't go wrong with the lasagna.
Brilliant elimination strategy on Michael's part. Either he gets rid of Elsie who he can't stand or Chris who was his biggest competition. Win/win. And then he kept Jimmy who is not his competition.
Please B-side, don't make us wait so long next week for your comments! It's killing us!
Posted by: NH | July 1, 2005 1:32 PM(#3 of 14)
I liked the part right before Ralph started to schill his bowls of Tuscany he bad mouthed JP saying "we have the worst matordee(I have no idea of how to spell this word so deal with it) here" The look on JP's Face when he heard him is deserving of a screencap. Also JP got the wrath of Gordon a few times in this episode although it was G-Ram lite.
Posted by: GNARKILL | July 1, 2005 2:58 PM(#4 of 14)
Most annoying narrator comment of this episode was,I believe, the first one...:"contestants are reeling after another unexpected elimination." Really? Nobody expected that someone would be going home?
I really enjoyed Michael's courtyard schizophrenic rants, and wonder why we are only getting to see this now, if he supposedly does this every night. Tucking Chris into bed was an extra special moment.
Please do a live blog. If not, please don't make me suffer so long next week for the recap.
Posted by: Passsssta | July 1, 2005 6:20 PM(#5 of 14)
FINALLY!
Okay, okay, I know it's been a busy week. Thank you, thank you.
Posted by: The Narrator | July 1, 2005 7:29 PM(#6 of 14)
I would like to see a live blog too!
Posted by: runswithscissors | July 1, 2005 8:39 PM(#7 of 14)
I hate Ramsey, he's just a football hooligan who got lucky with some food. He pulled some stunt whereby he told some vegetarians he'd made a vege pizza but he laced it with ham, and proceeded to laugh as they threw up. Hey maybe he'll make some satay for nut allergy sufferers in Hell's Kitchen! That'd be a BALL. Those contestants are just plain weird....
Posted by: zia | July 1, 2005 8:46 PM(#8 of 14)
Zia- Actually the story is he told some vegetarians that a dish was made with vegetable stock but it was actually chicken stock, his publicist later said it was Ramsay joking around. Either way; Ramsay fucking rocks!
Posted by: GNARKILL | July 1, 2005 9:57 PM(#9 of 14)
Rules?
thank you for the re cap.....i had no idea what happened on the bleeping show other than michael appearing as crazy as a shit house rat...it was same old same old...
Gram is becoming passe' fast it does seem. I wonder ...did he ever get his 3rd star?
Posted by: having fun | July 2, 2005 5:16 AM(#10 of 14)
This show would be so much more interesting if the restaurant was actually real, and if the chefs were dealing with all the variables that restaurants throw at you. What is it with these "reality" shows that feel the need to micromanage every facet of production? As it is the show has no drama other than "who will be eliminated?"
And did anyone else get a letdown from the prize that the winners of the challenge got? Ramsay kept talking about how amazing it was, and then they just went out in a gondola in L.A. harbor and drank some wine. Laaaaaaame.
I watched the reality TV cooking show on PBS later in the week, and was far more interested in it than in this show. Imagine, a cooking reality show that actually deals with food! Crazy.
Posted by: Dave J. | July 2, 2005 9:42 AM(#11 of 14)
I honestly thought Chris was gonna make it to the end.
Posted by: British | July 3, 2005 10:29 AM(#12 of 14)
Awesome recap! Michael was smart and got rid of a person who could possibly beat him at the end.
Posted by: 3blue | July 3, 2005 12:28 PM(#13 of 14)
Watch out Paul Newman. Watch out Ragu! Pasta + Jimmy's Sweat = Tasty Spaghetti Sauce.
They should have hung the pasta from Ralph's boner. Cut to Andrew screaming, "Fluffy and beautiful!"
Posted by: Coconut | July 3, 2005 2:26 PM(#14 of 14)