It Must Have Been Love - 
by B-side
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First things first: tonight's episode of Hell's Kitchen was awesome. For the first time all season, I was completely absorbed by the show because for once there actually seemed to be both an emotional component and a palpable dramatic thru-line as well. It also helped that Gordon wasn't just a windbag of cursing and forced zingers. He was approachable and friendly too. Hence, the bizarrely gooey ending. There was so much schmaltz I thought I was watching a sneak peak of The Ghost Whisperer. I loved it. Seriously though, I hope the producers take note. This was the sort of episode we should be getting each week next season. Otherwise, the viewers might just SHUT IT DOWN!
Okay, okay, so before I write any more, I want to issue a formal apology. At the end of my last Hell's Kitchen recap, I said I'd be whipping up a recap for the second hour of last week's marathon installment. Well, I lied. Actually, it wasn't really a lie. I had every intention of writing the damn thing, but with me traveling across the country and Big Brother stinking up my free time, I simply had to nix the whole article. Here's what you missed though.
"Dirty Bowl Jimmy" won his first challenge where he masterfully flambéd some pears without knocking down every single object around him. He went up in a helicopter and smiled a lot, but when he returned to the kitchen, it was chaos as usual. Sous chefs Scott and Maryann took the night off, which afforded us the rare glimpse of Maryann and her stylin' casual wear (khakis? button down? sexay!). Elsie spent the evening making Caesar salad and flambéing table side, while in the kitchen -- ahem, Hell's Kitchen -- Jimmy and Gordon got into a fight, which undoubtedly gave Ralph a boner. Also, the lights went out in the dining room for about five minutes (Hell's Generator saved the day) and Jessica managed to start a small bonfire with every dish she cooked. Jimmy was eventually eliminated, but not before Gordon professed his man love, saying that Jimmy should hold his head up high, yeah? Also, in honor of Gordon, I'm going to add "yeah?" into my colloquial patterns more often.
And now the continuation of Hell's Kitchen recaps.
Tonight's hour began with the baby chefs all returning to their dorms to celebrate their success. Apparently the cameramen were out celebrating too because all the footage had the grainy feel of a 1998 webcam. Thanks Fox. Love watching Quicktime on my flatscreen TV.
Anyway, we sat and watched all the contestants explain to us how important it was for them to be in the final four, and this of course led to this week's crazy solo talker. First we had Michael, then Andrew, and now...Ralph! "Three people between me and my restaurant," he mumbled to himself. He then added, "At least three people that aren't in my head. Like you, Cecil. Shut up Ralph! No, you shut up Cecil. Don't call me Cecil -- I'm Bernice! I don't care what your name is. You're a slut! A SLUT!" Ralph then slapped himself several times and cowered in the corner. Okay, that didn't exactly happen. Ralph merely noted that the possibility of having his own restaurant was "f*ckin' huge." Insert erection joke here.
Anyhoooo, the next morning everyone assembled in front of G-Ram with glum looks on their faces. "Everyone's so serious this morning!" remarked the chef. Yes, because you're always such a bundle of fun and levity. But seriously, they did just watch Million Dollar Baby before walking in the kitchen. It can really be a killjoy.
Okay, well this week's challenge was pretty interesting. Ramsey announced that the chefs would have fifteen minutes to cook up a dish from fifteen leftovers. Whoever maximizes the table scraps would win. And what would they win? "The winner of this challenge will do what every chef in America would love to do," said Ramsey. Hmmm...what could it be? Fly? Everyone wants the power to fly! Wow, some lucky chef is gonna be a superhero!
Anyway, Elsie approached the task with great confidence. "I am the leftover queen," she said. Also feeling cocky though was Jessica who commented, "My mom is the inspiration of my dish. She's always throwing things together." Yes, Jessica's preparing fresh compost. Delicious!
As for Ralph, he told us that he would be making sauté of chicken drumlets. Any white peaches on top, perchance? Or maybe another wildly incongruous addition -- like hot fudge? Unfortunately no. Ralph did not make another misguided attempt at nouveau cuisine. Finally though, everyone finished up their dishes and presented them to Ramsey on a silver platter.
"Chef Ramsey believes the key to any successful restaurant is utilizing leftovers from the previous night's dinner service," explained the narrator. Yeah, we figured that one out, what with the three minutes we just watched of the leftover challenge. By the way, does this mean that if we eat at a Gordon Ramsey restaurant, we'll only get casseroles and stews? You know what, let's just move on...
Well, as I said before, the chefs all lined up in front of Ramsey with their dishes, ready to present their creations. "Now it's time to see what the aspiring chefs have come up with," noted the narrator. Oh really?? I thought they were all just standing there for completely random reasons. Wow. It totally makes sense now. They're standing with their food because they want Gordon to taste it. Without that narrator, I'd be more lost than Helen Keller - well, anywhere.
First up was Jessica who had cooked up a beef stew and desert of berries and cream. Regarding the former dish, Gordon said, "Actually looks like a mess but tastes delicious." Not bad, Jess! Maybe to celebrate you'll get another tribal tattoo? No? Okay, that's fine.
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