This week's show began on a surprise note. Nothing major happened, but our trusty narrator forgot to tell us, "And now the continuation of Hell's Kitchen." How could the producers deny us this phrase? Don't they realize that without the narrator explaining each and every frame of action, we're totally lost? Now I'm expected to just assume this was the continuation of Hell's Kitchen? What if it wasn't? What if this something completely different -- like an old episode of Benson. How would I know? HOW WOULD I KNOW???

Anyway, we soon caught up with former prison chef Garrett who reminded us about his misadventures with the nominations last week. He had picked Tom and Giacomo to face the wrath of Gordon, but instead, the head chef sent Tom back in line and expelled Gabe instead. "That worked out for me about as good as a swift kick in the nuts," Garrett said. You know, I feel like in prison, there are probably guys who enjoy a swift kick in the nuts. Don't knock it 'til you try it, Garrett.

If it made him feel any better, everyone was equally shocked that Tom (or "fat___" as Maribel called him) was still around to leave droplets of nose-sweat all over the restaurant. It seemed like a near guarantee that by this time, Tom would be well on his way to some air-conditioned Hell's Kitchen detox zone. Or at least someplace where he could finally get a dry hand towel. But no, he had survived to live another day, and that new day began with Gordon calling the chefs at 6:16 AM. Tom happened to be awake and happily answered the phone, but amazingly, he asked Gordon, "Who's this?" C'mon, Tom. Who else would be calling with a gruff, British accent at 6:16 AM? Clive Owen? Jason Statham? Dame Judy Dench?

As can be expected, Gordon wanted everyone in the dining room right then and there. This led to a flurry of activity as all the chefs hopped out of bed and stumbled into the uniforms. Supergirl Heather was, of course, the first one in the kitchen, and it seemed like everyone was all ready to go, but luckily, our trusty narrator informed us that all was not well in Hell's Kitchen. "Within minutes," said the narrator, "everyone makes it to the dining room. Everyone... except:" And then filling in the gap was Gordon who barked, "Where's Sara?" You know, couldn't the producers have simply showed the chefs filing in and then cut to Gordon asking, "Where's Sara?" Did we really need the narrator to explain that everyone was there except Sara? Oh, that's right. I forgot. We're total morons incapable of following the action for more than a nanosecond. Thanks Hell's Kitchen!

Turns out that Sara was stuck in the shower during all this excitement, which meant she missed the big announcement that Gordon was waiting for her. Oops. How awkward. As punishment, Gordon then punched her in the face and yelled "BLOODY RISOTTO!!!" Okay, none of that happened. Instead, Gordon lightly chided her and then got on with this week's challenge. The task seemed relatively easy at first. Each team would be cooking three existing entrées from the menu. Not so hard, right? But there was a twist! Only one person at a time from each team could be in the kitchen. This meant that each aspiring chef only had five minutes to do his or her bidness before passing the reins off to the next sucker. Oh, and in between shifts, each person only had fifteen seconds to convey all the necessary information about what was cooking to the next person.

Anyway, since the girls had one extra member, Heather volunteered to sit out so she could continue to nurse her recently burned hand (much to Sara's ire. She HATES burns!). Finally, we were ready to begin this event, which the producers dubbed the "3 Entrée Relay." First up were Virginia and Tom, who both got to work with tortellini dishes. Virginia started her dish from scratch, but Tom -- oh, Tom -- he busted out some random, pre-made tortellini from a Tupperware container. As you can imagine, Gordon HATED that. I'm shocked he didn't take it all and throw it in Tom's face. Then again, Gordon probably wouldn't want to get his hand anywhere near those torrents of sweat.

At the end of the five minutes, Tom and Virginia swapped out with Giacomo and Rachel and had to impart all the information about what dishes Gordon had assigned to them. Not a problem for both teams, but then five minutes later, when Keith and Maribel took over, things began to fall apart. Rachel only managed to explain two of the dishes before G-Ram shooed her away. This meant that Maribel had no idea there were tortellini cooking. And even worse: the tortellini were cooking right in front of her in a pot! Now, I understand that Maribel was rushed and flustered, but if you know there's a third mystery entrée that you should be looking for, and if there just happens to be a random pot of bubbling water in front of you, wouldn't you check the pot? I mean, it wasn't there for atmosphere.

Seriously, Maribel. Just check the pot...

Posted by B-side on June 20, 2006 5:59 PM