Listen All Y'all It's A Sabotage! - 
by EdHIll
And then there were three. After last week's end-of-episode-Virginia-meltdown (they happen so much we have to specify them), she decided that she wanted to stay. This left Gordon with no choice but to send Sara, the whiny, nasally, annoying, backstabbing shrew home. In the process, she asked Gordon to kiss her what I can only assume are enormous grits. So now it's down to the final three. Heather, the competent but whiny one, Keith, who will always be K-grease to me, the talented but somewhat dopey chef, and Virginia, the oversensitive one with no self confidence.
Tonight we find out who will be in the final two. Who will get the chance to go head to head to compete to see who will be head chef at the fancy hotel in Las Vegas, and who will be running the buffet bar at the Bunny Ranch (Tip: don't eat the mac and cheese there. It's overcooked). The easy bet would be K-grease and Heather in the final two with Heather winning it all, but you never know in Hell's Kitchen.
Another exciting thing about this weeks episode? We finally get to see the big celebrity guest they have been hinting at all season long. And believe me, it was worth the wait.
The show starts as usual right after the last elimination. And last week was a shocker when Virginia at the last second decided she wanted to stay by telling Gordon in perfect Gordon Ramsay style logic "I want to fricken stay because.. I fuckin' want to", thus forcing Gordon to get rid of Sara. This is shocking only because she told Heather repeatedly that she wanted to go home and that she wasn't talented enough to win. This is whats known in the biz as "being backdoored" (For more information open your reality show encyclopedias and look up Nakomis and/or Jase)
Virginia does what she always does after an elimination, or after almost anything really. She sobs hysterically. Only this time she doesn't even get down to the end of the hall before it starts. She's not sure why she's here she tells us in her diary room interview. Was it because she deserves to be or not? Then Virginia has to backpedal in front of Heather after promising to go home if she went up. The excuse is the usual disjointed Virginia blather. But she's not done, she wants to know from the other two who they think is a better chef, her or Sara. Neither K-grease or Heather answer, unless you call simultaneously yawns an answer (which it kind of is). Virginia needs to not rely on other peoples opinions and just cook like we all know she can. Well, maybe not on a line, but she can make a salad real good!
But their yawning taunts mean nothing to Virginia. "This whole situation's given me a new skin on life." She tells us. And besides she explains, "heather is 2 cards short of a dim bulb". OK, so she's "unexperienced in the kitchen" but its not gonna keep her down. The man will not keep her down. And in this case "the man" is not a metaphor for society, but an actual middle aged Scottish chef who likes to say "fuck" a lot.
The next morning the 3 chefs are brought into the kitchen where Gordon is busy cooking. After congratulating them on becoming part of the final 3, he brings forth his next challenge. He shows them what he was cooking. It is his "signature dish". He has them all smell it and taste it. In keeping with the age old axiom "thou who hast smelt it, dealt it" they are now ordered to recreate the dish from taste and smell and they have only 20 minutes to do it. The weird thing about his signature dish? It's a fish dish, but when I went to find the actual recipe Wikipedia has his signature dish as "cappuccino of white beans with grated truffles". Other interesting things about him from Wikipedia? He wears a size 15 shoe, and we all know what that means don't we ladies? He has enormous socks.
My guess? A filet o' fish on top of sour cream sprinkled with Nerds candy on a sauce of Red Bull and cream soda
As they are all scrambling around the kitchen, Keith decides to cook a Chilean sea bass, while Virginia and Heather pick the wild striped sea bass. As for the puree, Virginia isn't sure that it's potatoes. "It's creamy and starchy like mashed potatoes. But I don't really think it's a mashed potato" she says. Then Virginia stumbles across Tuscan beans in the refrigerator and has a eureka moment. Meanwhile Keith is having one of his own when he figures out that its Israeli couscous that's in the sauce. Imagine if you made a dish with Israeli cous cous and Lebanese M'jadra stew? I think it would go a long way towards helping with the healing. Keith tries to hide the cous cous but when Virginia walks in on him she immediately decides that hey, she was looking for just the same thing! There are shenanigans going on here. Shenanigans I tell you!
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