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Trying to Save the World From Another Conspiracy-Lined Apocalypse - TVgasm

by J-Unit

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Monday night was the much anticipated premiere of Heroes on NBC. With the quality of every episode of Smallville in steady decline, and The 4400 only around long enough to be counted as a summer fix, I was counting on Heroes to bring me something that I was missing on network television every week. Heroes is not as grim as Jericho, or as conspiracy-addled as Lost, and yes it does have an X-Men-ish sort of feel and at times tries to be a little too over dramatic, but I have never been so interested in so many characters after only one episode.

So, what is the story like? Quoth the intro "A seemingly random group of individuals has emerged with what can only be described as "special" abilities. Although unaware of it now, these individuals will not only save the world, but change it forever. This transformation from ordinary to extraordinary will not occur overnight. Every story has a beginning. Volume One of their epic tale begins here." Or in this case, after the jump.

The series opens with the shot that many of us have seen from commercials. A young guy is standing on the side of building, looking down as if he was going to jump. In the background, some guy with an accent is asking all sorts of metaphysical type questions. I wish that I could tell you that I had written down all of the questions, but I was never able to pay attention during Philosophy class in college, so I think I dosed off a little bit. What I can tell you is that the kid at the beginning was only dreaming. If I were this, I might try and fall asleep to something a little more pleasant before I go to bed so my dreams aren't scary. For instance, I fall asleep to the Tyra Show and as a result, my sex with supermodels dreams have increased 20% and falling off random buildings in New York City dreams have yet to surface. Now that's what I call progress!

Since there can never be too many moments of random dudes with accents spouting out things about metaphysics, we next visit a classroom in India. I have never been to India, but I am really glad to see that Indian students get just as bored in class as students here in the United States. Then again, they are aided by the fact that their Indian professor likes to hear himself talk just as much as any professor in the United States. He is giving one of those kinds of lectures you hear in those biology classes set up for hockey, football, and lacrosse players so they can spend more time getting their heads bashed in than filling their heads with silly things like education.

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The professor goes on and on about how humans are not the pinnacle of evolution. If we were than why can a cockroach live without food for a month, or days without a head, and is resistant to radiation? An interesting way to think about the problem, for sure, but when a cockroach creates a series of tubes that allows many computers around the world to share porn information, then we'll talk. And while I'm talking about useless information, did anybody else notice that all of the women in this guy's class were in traditional dress and the guys looked like they had been shopping at JC Punjabi?


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Posted by J-Unit on September 27, 2006 9:05 AM