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I'm Gonna Live Forever - TVgasm

by J-Unit

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The novelty of Hit Me Baby One More Time hasn't exactly been lost for me, but let's just say that I am glad there are only a couple of more episodes left. Originally, the show was supposed to end with the third episode, but with ratings success that NBC hasn't seen since Joey, they decided to air a few more episodes. And honestly, with a couple of more weeks before Big Brother gets started, why not try and fill in that space. I am not sure who they are going to bring out for the final two episodes though, because they are already beginning to scrape the bottom of the barrel of marginal 80s talent willing and able to make fools of themselves on camera. But with Wang Chung, Sophie B. Hawkins, and Irene Cara going this week, I knew I couldn't miss it.

First up was Wang Chung, performing "Everybody Have Fun Tonight." It's a classic song where everybody knows the refrain, but nobody knows the actual words. Once again, the show started off with performers who weren't fat. This is really starting to piss me off. What's worse, Wang Chung was not exactly lighting it up on the screen. The lead singer looked like what I imagined Rutger Hauer looked like in 1987.

One of the highlights of the evening was Sophie B. Hawkins. You could tell she was very excited to be on stage to sing "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover." Sophie wasn't that old when she fell out of our minds, so thirteen years later, you have to admit that she really isn't looking half bad. She is, unfortunately, a huge hippie. I'm sure she burns hemp-flavored candles from the Yankee Candle Company, drives a Prius, and buys only organic fruit from the most obscure of farmer's markets. Still, you have to give it to her, she was really into her song, and was dancing around (no shoes, of course) and throwing her hands up in the air, displaying her pit stains for all the world to see. It was so hot, she decided to take off her shirt, and finished the song wearing nothing but a wife beater (she obviously burned all of her bras). Also, was it irony or vanity that inspired her to wear the wife beater with "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" in pink lettering across the front?


Only raise your hands if you're Sure...

Next up was Cameo. I could bother to write the song that they sang, but I am sure some poster will help me if I leave it blank. Cameo is a funk band from Atlanta, and they were known for the leather pants and cod pieces they would wear to concerts in the 80s. Well folks, they are still wearing their leather pants and cod pieces, and God were they awful. As bad as they looked, it was the fit that was even more disturbing. It's about now that I realize this show is good for about two and a half episodes worth of material before you start noticing some of these second-level chart toppers just aren't that exciting.

Speaking of not that exciting, let me introduce you to Howard Jones. I also didn't write down the song he sung, but he looked very old and was also super boring. As he played, I imagined that if I were going to a Coldplay concert thirty years from now, this is the type of act I would expect to see. I can't believe this guy sold so many albums. I used to complain that my dad played too much Rod Stewart when I was a kid, meaning songs like Maggie May, Reason to Believe, and Tonight I'm Yours, have a really unnatural sort of appeal for me. As horrible as all that pain was growing up, my dad thankfully spared me from any Howard Jones

Thankfully, we got a lot of excitement after Mr. Paul Simon-with-leukemia in the visage of Irene Cara. Even if you thought the 80s sucked, and I definitely think that the 80s for the most part sucked, how can you not love Irene Cara, or as we all know her, that hot babe from Flashdance. How popular was she? Well, as b-side mentioned, it's odd to think that she has an Oscar and Martin Scorcese does not. But "What a Feelin'" really is that great of a song.

Irene has put on a few pounds, but she was so tiny back in the day, even by today's standards, what did you expect? She came onto the stage, and you could see that she would soon be a crowd favorite. Sophie B. Hawkins really got the crowd going with her gyrations, but the audience was so very, very into "What a Feelin'." She started off with just a couple of shuffle steps back and forth, then went from one end of the stage to another, and when she finally bust out some of the moves from her Flashdance dance routine, everybody was really on their feet.


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