They’re driving along just fine, when we see the kid have some sort of facial spasm, and his hand squeezes the accelerator, too. His dad starts screaming at him, to no avail, and falls/jumps off the bike. I couldn’t tell which it was, but if he jumped off he should have pulled his son, too. The kid drives off the end of the trail and crashes into a pile of those huge cement pipes you see at construction sites. Everything goes all flamey, and not in the fun, men’s figure skating-Johnny Weir kind of way.

There! I made a joke. That’s probably it, though. Next, the kid is being wheeled in from a helicopter and he’s got some sort of metallic blanket covering him. Cut to House, hiding and translating a medical journal from Hindi. I think just for fun. He’s heard about the burn victim, but wants nothing to do with it, UNTIL he sees that the kid’s heart appears to be all messed up as well. They all head over to the burn unit to observe the kid. Oh no, this is really awful. The kid is a total mess. It’s quite sad. House is all business, though, suggesting an antiquated device that I think is meant to check the kid’s heart, but I’m a little unclear. I’m totally distracted by the awful sight of the nurses scrubbing the patient while he’s still unconscious.

In Cuddy’s office, a doctor is asking for AV equipment for a presentation that Cuddy approved. Cuddy has no recollection of this, which of course means House has been forging signatures and whatnot. There’s some back and forth about Cuddy’s assistant, or lack thereof. Remember the male assistant? Well, now they refer to this person as a “her,” and she’s quit without Cuddy’s knowledge. I think we’re supposed to get that Cuddy is just as hard to work for as House, but in her own special way.

House is fiddling around with an old, unconscious man’s brain. Cuddy comes barging in and notices that this coma patient has a migraine, which seems a bit unusual. And it is. House induced it to test the efficacy of a new migraine drug. Um, is that supposed to be one of his wacky hijinks? That’s pretty horrible. Cuddy thinks so too, enough that she doesn’t seem all that mad about him forging her signature anymore. House says, with a raised eyebrow, that they can talk later about “appropriate discipline.” You know, he says it like he’s joking, but I bet Cuddy has spanked the hell out of him before. More than once.

Back to the burn victim, where Cameron is explaining the procedure to his parents. The guy playing the dad is awesome; I totally buy his grief. The doctors are trying to determine if the patient’s heart problems have anything to do with the burns, and the machine is old-timey and weird, which freaks out the parents. The kid’s hands and feet are in bowls of water and he’s got all kinds of wires attached to him. He starts to shake, even after they unplug the machine, and it looks like he’s being electrocuted.

Turns out it was a seizure, and the Outhouses are doing the usual, thinking up weird’n’zany diagnoses. The big problem here is that they can’t move him into another room or perform any high-powered tests, which rules out MRIs and CT scans. Basically, they can’t subject him to modern medicine. Well, modern-ish. House figures out that they can do a sonogram on the kid’s brain. Yep, that’s what he was using on the coma patient earlier. Well that worked out nicely.

Cuddy is introducing Dr. Weber, the guy House secretly requested for a lecture. Since she had no notice, Cuddy doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about. House is in the back, wearing a cap and sunglasses. Which would only make him stand out more in a lecture hall. Ridiculous. The guy playing Weber was on Frasier, as the guy who would always sexually harass Roz. But he’s gay in real life. You know, I couldn’t tell you the plot of even one of Shakespeare’s plays. But I know such important things about sitcom actors!

Wilson sits down next to House and figures something must be up, since House never goes to lectures. House tries to deny it, but Weber’s resume matches up almost exactly to House’s. Wilson knows this because he is in love with House and knows every little thing about him. Well, this is new to me, but apparently House was kicked out of school at one point for cheating. I wonder what he did to get back in?

Weber was the one who turned House in, so House has always referred to him as Von Lieberman since it sounds more evil. “So what’s the plan? Are you gonna wait till he bends over, then make a fart sound?” asks Wilson. Ha! That’s the first time Wilson’s made me laugh out loud. I want to go get a beer with him. Seriously, though, who knows what House’s crazy plan is going to be.

Posted by Kat on February 20, 2006 7:28 PM