Clancy Gets An Anal Probe - 
by copygodd
Later that night, Cuddy visits House in his office. He tries to play like he's looking at porn, but Cuddy isn't interested. Instead, she wants to know how his leg is doing. House wants to know what's going on with her boobs. They look firmer. "It's called an underwire," she says. She also tells him she wants to get a PET scan of his brain. After a quick bit of sexually charged banter, Cuddy lets him off the hook. But just as he's leaving, he stumbles and grabs his leg. When Cuddy rushes to his aid, he stands back up and smiles: "In your face, Charlie Murphy!!"
Back in the lab, Chase shows House the test results. It seems Clancy's non-heart DNA doesn't match his heart DNA. "Inconceivable!" shouts House, to which Foreman replies, "You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means."
After the break, House and the Outhouses are gathered at the white board tossing out possible explanations. As usual, it's a bunch of medical jibber-jabber that I'm not even going to try and recap. In the end, Cameron comes up with a test that House agrees to try. And of course, being Cameron she immediately goes running to Cuddy and Wilson and says they have to tell House the truth. Evidently, he's so depressed now that he's listening to Cameron's advice.
While the Housemates are running the tests, Foreman and Cameron are debating whether or not House has lost a step. Foreman says he doesn't want to subject himself to House's torture if there's no upside. Cameron keeps insisting that House is fine, which just makes Foreman not believe her all the more. He keeps badgering her until she finally fesses up everything she knows about how Cuddy and Wilson are just trying to teach House some humility. Other things they're trying to teach him: Sudoku!
Based on the test results, they decide to operate on Clancy. Over some totally disgusting footage of the operation, Chase explains to the boy's parents what they're going to do and how they think it will help. Personally, I don't know how sticking a giant needle in someone's eye can help anything, but then again, I'm not a TV doctor. Or Jack Bauer.
Eye of the needle.
Evidently, Cameron was right, because the next thing you know, Chase is tucking Clancy into bed and telling him he's going home tomorrow. But since there's still 20 minutes left in the show, I'm betting Clancy's about to be paid one last visit by the Rectal Fairy.
Wilson asks House if he wants to go for a run. And by run, of course, he means trip, as he tosses House a bottle of Vicodin. Wilson says he's just trying to help. The Vicodin will help House get through his rehab, his muscle strength will increase and the pain will decrease. Voila! House tosses them back, though, telling Wilson he'd rather not become dependent on pain pills to get through his day. Wilson says House is acting like a typical patient, running away from knowledge that won't make him happy. House tells Wilson he's as happy as a pig in poop. They argue back and forth some more, until Wilson finally goes where he shouldn't by reminding House that he's not always right anymore: "You've proven that lately." Oh no he di'int!
Later, House is running on the treadmill when his leg starts hurting some more, and he takes some of the Vicodin he just told Wilson he wasn't going to take. Then he hops back on the treadmill and starts running again. Damn, that's some fast-acting Vicodin! It must be the same kind Tea Bag took when he had that vet sew his hand back on.
Meanwhile, up in Clancy's room, the aliens are paying another visit, as we see him float up out of bed and toward the window. Well, maybe it's not the aliens, as we learn Clancy is hallucinating. Looks like Cameron wasn't so right after all.
I hate floaters.
The next day, the team is at it again. Foreman says since Clancy is still hallucinating, it's obviously something neurological, which means House is wrong. Again. House says their last test didn't penetrate the blood-brain barrier, and tells them to do the test again. And this time, not to use an IV; they need to get it right into the boy's brain. I hope they use an ice-pick. And then Cuddy can go all Basic Instinct on us during the interrogation.
This test comes back negative, which means it's not neurological. Who's wrong now, FOREMAN? Next, it's a montage of House thinking, which entails bouncing a red rubber ball and writing more stuff on the white board. And, more than likely, taking a handful of peyote.
"Ass, gas or grass..."
Unbelievably, House gives up and tells them to send the kid home. Stupid Wilson! His plan is going to get poor Clancy killed! Cameron storms out of the office, and you just know she's running to tell Cuddy, who catches House just as he's about to ride off. She can't believe he's quitting like this; he always keeps thinking of things until he comes up with something so crazy it's right. "Except on my last case," he reminds her. Cuddy's insistence that he get back on the case raises House's suspicions, though, and he eventually gets her to admit that he actually cured his last patient. While he's lecturing to Cuddy's unborn child about how terrible his mother is ("That's why you don't have a daddy..."), he gets that far-off look in his eyes that can only mean one thing: the Vicodin kicked in. Actually, it means he's solved the case.
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