Tonight's episode starts off with two skeevy looking guys sharing a table at some rickety diner. The bald guy says it's time to make the donuts, which must be criminal-speak for let's shoot this bitch up, as the sweaty guy pulls out a bag full of guns and gets his rob on.

First, they make everyone put their money and valuables on the counter. One girl in particular catches the eye of the sweaty one, so as they make everyone move to the back room he grabs her, telling Baldy it's time to make the cream filling. She tells her boyfriend to do what the robbers say, and prepares to make Sweaty's dough rise. Suddenly Sweaty starts to cough, and the boyfriend grabs a napkin holder and smashes Baldy over the head with it. Before he can catch his breath, the boyfriend then jumps Sweaty and repeatedly pounds his head onto the cement floor. Turns out it was his wife that Sweaty was about to dunk his stick into, not his girlfriend. And he is none too happy about it. Of course he's even more upset when his wife starts to choke. Still, as bad as it must be to watch your wife stop breathing in front of you, at least he didn't have to watch the House-cam version of it like we did.

After the credits, Cameron is presenting the case to House and the other Outhouses. The girl is a 20-year-old married African American female. I hadn't even noticed. Wonder if that's going to be a problem with either House or Foreman, since her hubby is most definitely of the Caucasian variety. Ever the romantic, House starts berating the patients for being married at 20. Then he catches sight of Wilson out in the hallway flirting with a new nurse. House seems a little aggravated, dare I say jealous, over Wilson's impending boner. He asks Cameron if she's seen the nurse there before. "A couple times," she tells him. "I tried following her home but she gave me the slip." Zing!

House leaves the office and heads out to make Wilson's lady-friend uncomfortable. When she finally leaves, Wilson asks why he's so rude. Hey, Housie's just looking out for you, Wilson. He's got your back. You've already sprinted through three bad marriages and had an affair with a dying patient. Now a naughty nurse? "How many more failed relationships am I going to have to help you through before you learn to love yourself," House asks him, adding that he means that in a literal way. Ooh, not even at the seven-minute mark and we've already got our first masturbation joke.

Wilson denies being involved with the nurse and walks off, which just intrigues House even further. Back with the Housemates, House can't let it go, and continues to obsess about Wilson's new fling while Cameron tries to go over the case. But at this point she's got a better chance of stopping a dog from licking its balls. Which must be why she resorts to a lesbian joke. I'll have to try that with my dogs sometime.

Now that she has House's attention again, there's much back and forth over what could possibly be wrong with the patient, ranging from salmonella-laced pot to something less interesting and therefore not memorable enough for me to write down. For now, House decides to go with the pot theory and puts the patient on a Twinkie regimen to cure her munchies. As for the throat swelling he suggests filling the bong with peppermint schnapps.

It's time for House's weekly trip to the clinic. Usually, these visits end up sparking something in his mind later that helps solve the big case. But since tonight's patient is one Mr. David Morse, serious actor, I'm guessing the writers have something bigger in store than just a simple procedural plot point. And since the first thing House does is ask him to drop his pants, I think I'm right.

DMo wants House to take a swab and get it tested. House, on the other hand, is more interested in being House. Which means he insults DMo over his aversion to foreplay. I had a roommate in college who had to get swabbed, and from how he described it, I can't imagine anyone volunteering for the procedure. That just strengthens my argument that DMo is more than a mere plot foil. Or maybe the writers just enjoy making men squirm.

After a quick clenched jaw exchange about House's bullying patients, DMo trips House as he's walking out the door. Oh no he di'int! In retaliation, House inserts a rectal thermometer in the appropriate place, but leaves it there for an inappropriate amount of time. Like a couple of hours. I'm no expert, but wouldn't the lube he used start to congeal after that much time? Unless he didn't use lube, which would certainly explain DMo's hostility later in the episode. That, or it just brought back too many memories of when his character was raped on St. Elsewhere.

|  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  Next Page... ( Comments ) | Discuss In Our Forums

Posted by copygodd on November 2, 2006 9:48 PM