Recap: House: Arrested Development - 
by copygodd
Upstairs, Foreman is talking to the patient and her husband about their "pot" theory. Hubby says they don't smoke enough for that to be the problem. Foreman's not buying it though, and tries to get Bongy McPuffsalot to leave the room. The wife says he can stay, and then tells Foreman to give her whatever meds he thinks are best. It's just too bad that the meds Foreman chooses gives her a terrible allergic reaction. Of course, that helps House rule out Chase's stupid laced-pot theory. And just in time too, as tension in the room was totally harshing my mellow.
Next on the list, House wants to recreate the situation at the diner which caused the response. He orders Foreman to make her eat whatever she was eating then and to put her on a treadmill to get her heart pumping. Foreman has a better idea: "Why don't I just hold a gun to her head and threaten to rape her?" While that would certainly be faster, and would definitely require less insurance paperwork, House doesn't like having his decision questioned, so he bets Foreman $100 that he's right.
In the lab, Foreman can't get Tracie to have another attack. When she starts complaining that her stomach hurts, Jeremy tells Foreman to turn the treadmill off. Foreman won't, however, telling him, "If we don't complete the test, my boss will just come down here and do it himself, and you do not want that." Hey, that's pretty much the same thing I told the fireplace guys this week when they were doing some new trim work. Except in my case, I told them to get it right when I was there or they'd have mrs. copygodd to deal with. And trust me, nobody wants that. Jeremy keeps yelling at Foreman, though, when suddenly he starts having stomach and chest pains and collapses.
Even though his test worked on the wrong patient, House still thinks Foreman lost the bet and wants his $100. Chase actually takes House's side and tells Foreman to pay up. Because Australians hate welchers. Almost as much as they hate light beer.
The Housemates follow House into the nurses' locker room, where he uses his stethoscope to pick the lock of the girl he thinks Wilson is dating. Chase is a bit exasperated, as he was hoping to make it through the day without committing a felony. House tells him not to worry, as the cops will surely blame Foreman. You know, cuz he's black. And he has a criminal record.
While House is rummaging through the nurse's locker, he has the Outhouses continue to throw out ideas, which he promptly ignores. In the locker, he finds one blue shoe, which he somehow uses to bet Foreman an additional $200. He also finds a brochure for a jazz festival in the Poconos. Everyone knows Wilson likes jazz, so Chase tells Foreman to pay House. What a suck up. He also finds several books, but no jazz CDs, which House says means she likes to read and doesn't like music. So she'd only go to see jazz if the other person wanted to go, which means she has a martyr complex. To be fair, the crown of thorns and stigmata bandages probably helped with that diagnosis.
Worst. Brochure. Ever.
Cameron reminds everyone that they still need to diagnose the married couple. She says whatever they have they either caught from each other or from the same place. Which may or may not involve their genitals. House runs through a list of stuff he wants them to check, including Internet porn. However, being the super nice boss that he is, he volunteers to check the porn himself.
That means it's time for that part of the show when the Housemates "visit" the patient's house to check for clues. In their apartment, Chase finds a box of condoms in the husband's jacket. Since Tracie's on the pill, that obviously means Jeremy's screwing around on her. Foreman tells Chase to put the condoms back, because he knows House will just accuse the husband of cheating. "What else could it be?" asks Chase. "You think they just like the sexy feel of latex next to their genitals?" Foreman suggests that maybe the wife just wants to extra cautious. If he really believes that, Chase says he should have no problem convincing House, and throws the condoms at Foreman. And that's why I never let doctors in my house unsupervised.
Of course, House thinks Jeremy's a cheating bastard. Foreman tries to convince him that the couple is actually in love. After all, you don't go up against armed gunmen over a mere fuck-buddy. Since the couple is only 20, though, House thinks they're just idiots. After all, there's a reason we don't let kids vote or drink or work in salt mines.
Foreman apologizes to House for reaching a conclusion based on actual observation. He should have just relied on House's misanthropic view of human nature. Or, at the very least, his Misanthropic 8-Ball. Unencumbered by the thought process, House orders the two to test their patients' "lying cheating privates." Which would make a great name for a Toby Keith song.
"So, what are you wearing?"
In the room, the wife asks Foreman if the new tests are because of the condoms. Seems that last month she thought she was pregnant. And as they're way too young to have kids, she wanted to be extra cautious. Just like Foreman said. He also says they're still going to test the two, which hubby thinks is because he's white and married to a (semi)black chick. He says that everyone looks at them funny, the black people even more so than the whites. Nevertheless, he submits to the tests like a good little cracker.
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