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House thinks George might have a food-born parasite feasting on his brain, because lettuce pickers poop in the fields. But since is George is too fat to run the normal tests, Cameron has to talk him into letting them cut out a piece of his brain. While he's awake. It's just too bad he goes blind during the middle of the procedure. I bet that would've never happened had Hannibal Lecter been performing the operation. Plus George would've got a nice snackysnack to tide him over.

After the break, it's time for another round of Cranium: Big-Fat Edition. But this week it's only between Cameron, Foreman and House, since Chase is still off chubby-chasing. Even missing one Outhouse, though, it's still too confusing for me to try and keep up with. While the two notHouses continue to throw out ideas, House walks off, telling them he's off to buy a $400 butt plug. To paraphrase the producer clip at the end of the show (and Jaws, from whence the quote came), "that's some butt plug, Harry."

As he's boarding the elevator, House orders another round of tests. And Cameron asks him one final time where he's going: "The butt plug was my way of saying 'mind your own business'," he tells her. "Apparently it was too subtle." Not to mention oddly intriguing.

Back in the room, Cameron tries to talk George into submitting to another blood sugar test. Every time Cameron tries to get him to drink the sugar water, though, he knocks the glass out of his hand. Perhaps she should have offered him a taste of her sugar walls instead. George says that just because he doesn't agree with the brilliant doctors, suddenly they think he's suicidal. "That doesn't make you suicidal," counters Cameron, "it just makes you an idiot. A big fat idiot. Did I mention you're fat? Fatty fat fat fat." Finally, George has had it with all the heavy diagnoses. He's been fat his entire life, and until a few days ago, he was both fine and dandy. Even, some might say, peachy and keen. So until they come up with a test that's not based on his weight, he's done cooperating.

Hey, remember a few minutes ago when House said he was going to buy a butt plug? Well, substitute the words "buy a butt plug" with "pay a visit to DwayneWayne" and you'll realize he was heading off to visit his lawyer. Who just happens to be played by the one and only Kareem Hardison, refamiliarizing America with his face just in time for the casting of Season Three of Dancing with the Stars.

After going over all the charges, DwayneWayne tells House he should plea out: "I'm inclined to think your particular charm may not be immediately appreciated by a jury." When House refuses, DwayneWayne goes over his fee schedule, which I'm sad to say is quite a bit higher than the retainer the fine folks at TVgasm give their writers.

Back in the hospital, Cameron asks House what his lawyer said. How did she know House saw a lawyer? She looked up "butt plug" in the legal dictionary. If she'd have looked it up in the legal thesaurus, she'd have learned other sexually explicit nicknames for a lawyer include asshat, douchebag and Rick Santorum.

House goes back to George's room to try and charm him into drinking the sugar water. Unbelievably, he has even less luck than Cameron. But while he's pouring sugar water all over George, he notices that George has clubbed fingers. Which of course means George must have lung cancer. A few tests later and we learn that not only does George have lung cancer, it's already spread into his lymph nodes and is inoperable. With radiation, he might have a few more months, but that's it. Hey, looks like it's time to eat some more hookers!

Later, House tries to find out why Cameron was so interested in this case. The only answer she'll give is that she just likes damaged people; it explains everything she does. Except, of course, for her bangs.

Meanwhile, DMo is in Wilson's hotel room going over House's case. He just wants to make sure that Wilson did indeed write out all the prescriptions for House that House says he did. Wilson looks at them and says they're all his. But what about these, Herr Doktor? DMo pulls out a few more prescriptions that are clearly forgeries. After pausing for a moment, Wilson says he wrote those too. The reason the signature looks different is because he likes to change the way he signs his name every now and then, just to mix things up. The same way he likes to switch from golden showers to scat play. DMo gives Wilson one last chance to change his story, or he'll start investigating Wilson as well. Wilson won't sell out House, though, and says they were all written by him. Not the smartest decision he's ever made.

So what did you think of this week's episode? Has House finally met his match? Or will he win out in the end? And what actually happened to Chase? I'm betting George ate him.

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Posted by copygodd on November 9, 2006 9:57 AM