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All the anger was quickly soothed because it was makeover time! Yay! I can't get enough of these things and the current TV landscape is all too happy to comply. We were treated to all the typical funny looking foil wraps, the bleaching treatments, and makeup applications. Once again I'm amazed at some of the things women go through - at one point, some sadistic lady was applying eyeliner (or something) up underneath Jackaay's eyelid. Horrifying. The guys got their unibrows waxed and everyone enjoyed a pedicure. The best part, though, was when JW played a joke on Jaret and gave him his dirty foot water to drink.

With everyone relaxed and having a good time, the show threw them for a loop. Them - and everyone watching. "Top runway coach" Willy Ninja arrived with a flourish (with fey valet in tow). Mr. Ninja was decked out in leather lederhosen which only complimented his heroin chic frame, his flowing Star Jones hair, and his pencil-thin John Waters mustache. He looked like a genetic experiment gone wrong combining Prince, Vincent Price, Rick James, and Dave Chapelle's impression of Rick James. In other words, he was Hilton's attempt at re-creating Miss J from America's Next Top Model. Willie acted as though walking the runway was the equivalent of solving Third World debt. So serious he was as he sashayed up and down, explaining the difference between the male and female runway walks. In the end, his appearance was as pointless to the show as Frederique's. It was simply another clown vamping it up for a network reality show. The supply is endless, people, endless.

Now that the teams were looking and feeling their prettiest (though Niki, why did you let them give you those Pat Benetar bangs? They look awful.) it was time for the actual fashion show competition. Kathy Hilton had a few other fashion gurus on the dais with her and yup, there was Frederique again. "Fashion expert" Lloyd Boston was also there - I only mention it because this guy is such a media whore. He's been on Oprah, I see him on Fine Living Network in some capacity and in a small irony, he toured with The Cut's Tommy Hilfiger promoting his line just last year. Didn't I say the supply of these people is endless? Anyway, Latricia and her Team Madison gathered and prayed (to Frito-Lay or Hostess?) just before they took to the runway in their thrift shop evening wear. Everyone looked fine except maybe Latricia who was wearing the biggest scarf I've ever seen in my life. It was HUGE. But so is she, so I guess it works on some level.

The second round on the runway would prove more interesting, as this was where they had to have a common thread and use their creativity more. Up first was Park, who chose a "Streets of New York" gag/theme. JW was the Naked Cowboy, Jules was a hooker, Brenden was a stockbroker, Niki was a high society movie star with a giant lampshade on her head, and Jaret was a terrorist-fearing Manhattanite. Reeeaaalll funny. Gas mask and camos - the whole nine yards. Does this show air in London? And yup, you read correctly, Niki wore a giant lampshade on her head. Boy, what a stupid idea. I can't believe she would do such a ridiculous thing. I'm sure Team Madison made better use of the light bulbs that surely popped over their heads during the planning stages.

"For Team Madison," Rashad announced, "tonight‚s theme is lampshades." Um. Say what? Each team member worked the catwalk holding a lampshade above his or her head. There was some convoluted rationale for this that only a college freshman wannabe hipster would appreciate, so I won't insult you, dear TVgasm readers. It was as stupid as it sounds - I was embarrassed for them. And I don't even give a crap about them. Needless to say, Team Park won again and Team Madison would be losing two members again this week. As reward, the Parksters got some modeling photos taken by a professional photographer. Personally, I would absolutely hate that prize, but the Park team seemed to enjoy it. And they all cleaned up pretty nicely too.

Kathy Hilton gathered Madison together at "The Residence" for the ousting. Everyone jumped on Vanessa and her stupid lampshade idea but she was able to connive and defend herself fairly well. In the end, Jabe and Rashad were "not on the list" and sent packing. Now, as I said, I don't care a whit about any of these dipshits, but Jabe and Rashad seemed to be relatively okay guys so I didn't quite understand Kathy's decision.

During the show, there was a commercial for the next "Biggest Loser." Since the ending of the Hilton show was so boring, I thought we'd all enjoy a laugh at the expense of the big fat wussy who cries in the ad. Enjoy!

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Posted by on July 14, 2005 7:32 PM