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Newsgasm: REPENT! REPENT! Edition - TVgasm

by m_ruv

cruisejesus.jpg

  • Yep, folks, it's placenta pilaf on the menu tonight at the Cruise-Holmes household. Rejoice, ye hordes of expectant faithful, hark the herald angels and so on and so forth, for the Miracle Child now walks among us—a 7-pound, 7-ounce, 20-inch girl named Suri. Incidentally, Suri is an old Persian word meaning "contractual obligation." [E! online]


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Posted by m_ruv on April 18, 2006 4:15 PM

Comments

thank xenu, i couldn't take anymore scary ginormous katie holmes pictures anymore. some of those are worse than the herpes infested pictures. "placenta pilaf" is going to echo in my head all night though, thanks for that.

Posted by: ldini79 [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 4:46 PM(#1 of 23)

Nice Graphic!!

Posted by: derder [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 4:52 PM(#2 of 23)

At least the baby's an Aries. She just might have a chance in spite of her father.

Posted by: Aries [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 4:58 PM(#3 of 23)

I hope she screamed her damn head off, ball gag and all!

Posted by: Belinda [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 5:00 PM(#4 of 23)

Fucking hell. The Svan saw a headline and decided to avoid all news about this piece of shit. That lasted about 10 mins due to it being posted here. Why the fuck is everyone so obsessed with celebrities?!?

Posted by: The Svan [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 5:48 PM(#5 of 23)

Suri Cruise - cast member Surreal Life 2030.

hb

Posted by: HoneyBunny [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 5:50 PM(#6 of 23)

It has begun...

Posted by: Firecat [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 6:12 PM(#7 of 23)

It's going to be nice for Katie to walk around without that big pillow strapped to her belly.

Posted by: mangos [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 6:40 PM(#8 of 23)

Just another female of the species added to the world which Tom won't touch. Hey imagine that she popped out right as the MI3 propoganda err promotion machine geared up on Cruise Tonight ahh Entertainment Tonight.

Posted by: wandernview [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 7:20 PM(#9 of 23)

What's even funnier is that Brooke Shields gave birth today too.

Posted by: JerseyGirl [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 7:24 PM(#10 of 23)

JerseyGirl, that's true, both couples had children today.

He probably thinks that Brooke, that antidepressant-taking God-fearing Catholic, is trying to steal his publicity.

Posted by: Casey [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 7:40 PM(#11 of 23)

Maybe I am wrong and there are many words for 'princess', but Suri does NOT mean 'princess' in Hebrew. Ask any Sarah (myself included), and that honor goes to our name.

Posted by: opleiadeso [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 7:43 PM(#12 of 23)

wow what a showdown! looks like Brooke won, since Tom couldn't actually give birth..He must be real pissed.

Posted by: dredge [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 7:45 PM(#13 of 23)

Poor child.

Posted by: Tracie [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 7:58 PM(#14 of 23)

There is just something creepy about this relationship. It makes you feel uncomfortable. And I used to think Tom Cruise was hot, hot, hot. But now I think he's weird, weird, weird.

Posted by: MtnWoman [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 8:20 PM(#15 of 23)

what I still think is very very funny about this whole thing is that Tom's little swimmers dead in the water. That is one of the many reasons why Nicole and Tom never had children. Where oh where did this new little creature come from??

Posted by: carol [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 18, 2006 9:16 PM(#16 of 23)

All the talk show hosts better get new couches, I suspect a lot of Cruise couch jumping will start again. You've been warned.

Who cares about this insane egomaniac?

KH

Posted by: KatiesHole [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 19, 2006 3:50 AM(#17 of 23)

Suri, according to the Official Scientology Book of Baby Names means "daughter of gay actor and brainwashed idiot." Perfect.

www.flipkicksandnightbellows.blogspot.com

Posted by: flipkicks [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 19, 2006 5:56 AM(#18 of 23)

The name Suri is Irani and means Red Rose. Here's a link.

http://tehran.stanford.edu/Information/girls.html

Then check out this site that lists it as a last name
http://www.ancestry.com/learn/facts/Fact.aspx?fid=10&yr=0&ln=Suri

I love the internet you can find anything!

Posted by: palmtree [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 19, 2006 6:58 AM(#19 of 23)

I'm suprised that the baby wasn't bigger b/c Katie had such a HUGE belly, but in spite of the snarkiness I'm happy for them. I don't need to hear about it every five seconds, but at least she actually managed to pop the kid out amongst all the scrutiny. Maybe they can just hide away at home and shut up about it now? Please?

Posted by: zoobabe [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 19, 2006 7:28 AM(#20 of 23)

btw- I forgot to add that I agree with derder's comment about the graphic. Can I get one of those to sit on my dashboard next to my Buddy Christ? :)

Posted by: zoobabe [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 19, 2006 10:19 AM(#21 of 23)

Does anyone else think it's too creepy of a coincidence that Brooke Shield's baby was born on the same day, was a similar weight and length, and born in the same hospital? And that the announcement of both Katie's pregnancy and delivery came shortly AFTER Brooke's announcements? It's almost as if Tom is trying to "keep up with the Jones," as it were. I smell a very twisted publicity ploy by psycho Tom...

Posted by: katybee [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 19, 2006 11:47 AM(#22 of 23)

thanks for putting that pic back up, cause it imspired me to read the original post in all it's glory. still funny, almost a year later:
http://youcantmakeitup.blogspot.com/2005/06/cruise-uncontrollable.html

Posted by: ldini79 [TypeKey Profile Page] | April 19, 2006 3:51 PM(#23 of 23)