The Sh*t Hits The Fans - 
by
By EdHill
You know, I'm not even sure where to begin this week. To be honest, after finding out the truth about what went on behind camera (or in some cases, in front of the camera but never aired) on Kill Reality it kind of makes watching people whack potato chip bags around seem kind of dull. For those of you who aren't aware, I am referring of course to the article from Radar magazine mentioned here yesterday in which it describes the off-screen antics of our reality stars. Specifically Trishelle's propensity for golden showers and Tonya's urge to have people do lines of coke off her genitals (thus providing once and for all the answer we've all asked ourselves at one time or another: can you get chlamydia from snorting coke off a woman's hooch? Yes. Yes you can). Why can't I be reviewing that show? Instead I get the coked-up, urine-stained whores just getting drunk and creating fake arguments for the camera. Ah well, when life gives you lemons... Hey did I mention people fling poo this episode? Well, they do.
We start this week with the two Jennas making their bid for screen time by thinking of wacky pranks to pull on Tonya. What they come up with is spiking her drink with colon cleanser and switching her birth control pills with something else. None of this is even the least bit funny of course. It's like watching a Jenna Elfman sitcom. During the entire "colon cleanser" episode, the "producer" Rob comes up and says that he "advises against" them doing it. At this point in the show they aren't even pretending to be serious about making a movie. I just don't see Hitchcock telling Grace Kelly to not use the colon cleanser on Jimmy Stewart. Kelly was all about giving dutch ovens anyway.
Once the two Jennas finish their shtick, we get a new visitor to the show. It's Trishelle's good friend Katie from Road Rules. She is referred to by producer as the "brunette Tonya." Gosh, I wonder what bodily fluid she likes getting doused in? Well, whichever one it is, we know for sure right away whose bodily fluids she's familiar with. Jonny Fairplay's. Yep, he nailed her too. This of course led to bad blood between Tonya and Katie. But not really. Since Katie went off on Tonya the minute she arrived, no one can even attempt to keep a straight face with all this fake arguing. Soon enough Tonya storms out of the house and tells Jonny he can either stay or leave with her. He decides to stay and Katie proceeds to get absolutely trashed beyond recognition (one thing we know the cast house has plenty of is booze). The show turns into an endless barrage of slurred Katie rantings, accompanied by a voiceover from Trishelle where she says she thinks Katie is a perfect fit for Jonny because she's "classy, intelligent, and smart." That's good, because I hate people who are smart but not really intelligent. And the people that are intelligent but not smart are just losers. But the best part of that snippet is that as Trishelle is saying it, it is intercut with images of drunk Katie belching, slurring and flat-out falling on her ass. And just when I thought I was going to hate her as much as the rest of these losers, she starts punching Jonny Fairplay. A lot. This made me happy. Jonny reacts to this by going into "sad mode" where he gets the hurt look on his face as he's being pummeled by a drunk woman who is 5'4".
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