So we start the episode like we start every episode since this show began: Jonny Fairplay throwing crap. He's still reeling over Tonya's departure from the house with her boyfriend (who we can now safely assume needs a hearty dose of Valtrex). He's throwing food, screaming and just doing pretty much what he's done every week of this horrible show. He then walks up to Jenna Lewis and Steven and threatens to beat up Jenna in front of him. Nice. If reading about these people joking about domestic abuse turns your stomach, stop reading now. It's only going to get worse. Jonny continues his drunken rampage throughout the house culminating in him flipping an entire pizza over on the pool table. This upsets Jenna Lewis who screams and yells at him saying "You live up to every low expectation we have of you." This just gives Jonny more material to work with as he just pretends that this upsets him. Even the other Survivor Jenna gets in on the act saying how she thinks that's "probably the meanest thing he's ever heard." Yeah well, that's just because he hasn't met me yet. 

  The end result of all of this brouhaha is a visit by the producers who have to figure out what to do about him. How much shtick is too much? The eternal reality show question.  And these producers actually look like "real" producers, not the fake one like Rob C. "Is anyone nervous for their personal safety?" one of them asks, clearly wondering who he must have pissed off to get this job.  This has got to be the worst producing job in Hollywood history that doesn't involve working with McG. The cast all seem to think that he has gone over the edge with his drinking and may end up hurting himself. When I hear this I drop to my knees and pray  to my god Zenu that they are right.    Fake producer Rob C. is forced to step up to the plate yet again and have another talk with Jonny about his behavior. At this point, do I even need to keep recapping? It's the same show every week. Jonny drinks and does drugs, freaks out and yells for the cameras, and we get a bunch of phony, staged "we love you man" one on one talks. "We all care about you, man" says Rob C.  " I care more about the film than I do about me." Jonny replies ominously. I gotta say that's quite a statement. It reminds me somewhat of Francis Ford Coppola almost having a nervous breakdown when filming Apocalypse Now. Only Coppola is immensely talented and Apocalypse Now was a great film. Other than that, the comparison is just eerily spot on.   After spending the entire day watching Jonny Fairplay's rampant alcoholism eat away at his soul, everyone decides it's time to go out and get drunk. And what better place to do it then a gay bar? The idea of this makes gay icon Reichen positively orgasmic. That is until they get there, and he sees Jenna and Kevin are all over each other, and we get a great gay facial tick as he registers his disgust with a fantastic interprative "what-everrrrr."   While there, Jonny does what you normally would expect from someone with an alcoholism problem that would make Dylan Thomas blush. (That last joke was for all you poetry fans out there.) Drink to the point of incoherence. He gets so bad that Jenna Lewis is forced to pick him up and carry him into the back of the car. She's the "mother" of the group as she keeps reminding us, and she has to treat Jonny like one of her kids. That would be a sweet notion if it wasn't for the fact that 5 minutes beforehand she was laughing while everyone was lifting her shirt and getting a free feel in the middle of the bar.   Meanwhile back at the cast house, Bachelorette Trish has decided to get in on the fun and "prank" Jonny by taping all his belongings to the top of the ceiling. I kind of enjoyed the absurdity of that prank. Its on a much higher level than the "Upper Decker" that Jonny declared "the greatest prank in the history of pranks" last week (the same episode where he said he can't listen to more than 2 Yakov Smirnoff jokes in a row for fear of hyperventilating from laughter).
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Posted by on September 15, 2005 2:12 AM