The show opened with none other than a celebrity cameo. Why, it's Roz from Frasier! Who knew that actress Peri Gilpin hung out with these girls? Oh wait. Upon further inspection, it turns out that Roz is just Alex, the tall, gawky sidekick of Kristin. Surprisingly, Alex/Roz had drifted from her master and was spending precious independent time with this season's cutie-pie/whiner, Jessica. The two of them headed to the Ivy Spa to get pampered after a rough few weeks of Christmas break. Man, all that not working can be a strain on the muscles. Well, while the two had various oils and creams rubbed into their backs, they gabbed about Jessica's boyfriend, the hairy-faced Jason. Turns out the lovebirds were having some issues -- trust issues in particular. "Don't lie to me and like call me every once in a while," said Jessica, recalling what she had said to her man. "It's not like I'm a psycho girlfriend either," she then added, rationalizing her behavior. Guess what: if you're boy is lying and barely calling you and you're still sticking with him, well, you might just be a tad psycho.

Alex vs. Roz All this gabbing was fun, but the girls soon had to flip over on their backs, thus providing the perfect excuse to cut to the Hilary Duff intro that I'm embarrassed to say I enjoy quite a bit. Hey man, people don't respect the lost art of opening credits. Distilling a show's essence and voice down into one thirty second clip? That's impressive! Okay, I just realized I was being academic about Laguna Beach, so I'll just shut up now.

After the Duffmeister finished beckoning the rain to fall down, we then learned the title of this week's episode: "You Can't Trust Him." Oh no girlfriend! He's a no-good dog! Somebody get me a Pink CD. We're gonna rock this one out!

Anyway, the action moved into the increasingly irrelevant (and pathetic -- they are in college now) storyline of LC and Stephen. The two like made breakfast and like looked at a frying pan and like laughed. Later, they sat down and totally talked and drank smoothies. OMG, it was so sweet.

We then moved to the ocean where Jason and Talan were surfing away the afternoon. I knew they were cool because some Good Charlotte-ish band played in the background. You know the type: whiny, atonal, dumb. Anyway, Alex M. and Taylor just so happened to be strolling by when they were interrupted mid-conversation -- ahem, mid-fascinating-conversation -- by a vicious wave. No, they weren't pulled into the undertow, but their calves totally got wet. Anyway, the gals waved to Jason and Talan (or maybe their cameraman, I don't know), and soon all four were babbling about Alex's hair (it's too light, she's gonna dye it darker again, just so you know). Alex then invited Jason over to Morgan's house for a poker party. Oh sweet! Nothing gets me more excited than seeing Mormon Morgan on TV. Seriously, that girl is the best. She's the typical ugly girl who somehow sneaks into the popular clique and then acts super "Like oh my god!" to maintain her perilous station in life. What, pray tell, would she yammer on about tonight?

Well, before we got to that, it was time to check in with our favorite gravel-voiced Laguna blockhead, Kristin. She and Roz skanked it up in front of the mirror while Jessica complained in the background that Jason was lying to her. You know how it goes: blah blah blah he doesn't call me. Blah blah blah I still love him. Blah blah blah you're an IDIOT. SHUT UP!

(My predicted response from Jessica: "Ew! Oh my god. You're such an ass! You don't even know me! But seriously, did you see Jason last night? Because he hasn't called me yet.")

Finally, we moved onto Morgan's lair of seduction, and wait just one Mormon-lovin' second. Where the f*ck was Morgan? You mean to tell me there's a new, less annoying Morgan?!?!? Well, this will not do. I demand that last season's chatty chipmunk returns. At once!

Alas, it seems as though I'll have to adapt to this new cast, but that's not to say there's any absence of cloying stupidity around. Enter Casey. This blonde-haired, pink-jacketed Miss California runner-up is sort of like the human version of a small, French poodle. And yes, just as kickable. Actually, as vapid as Casey seems to be, she at least seems sweet, unlike Kristin who's entered that annoying next level of teenage-ness: the "Ugh, I'm so over this. I'm a senior. Whatever." mentality. Proof positive: Kristin and her loyal pet Roz (dammit, her name's Alex. I have to stop doing that) opted to shun NewMorgan's poker party in lieu of heading to Dave and Buster's with babble-monster Jessica. I didn't really know who Dave and Buster were, but I was pretty sure they'd suck. Anyway, this little jaunt to D&B's had a twist. Alex had to get one guy's number. Wow, this is already very Frasier-ish. If these two wind up at a wine tasting, I'll be convinced that Alex IS Roz.

|  1  |  2  |  3  Next Page... ( Comments ) | Discuss In Our Forums

Posted by B-side on August 3, 2005 7:26 PM