Tonight's episode began with Kristin reminding us that she had dined with Stephen last episode. "It was good to see him... but little did he know that I had been hanging out with Talan," she said. Oh, but Kristin, just last week, you complained that Talan wasn't "boyfriend material." What gives? You're gonna drive Roz crazy when she has to ask her obligatory, "So what's the deal with you and Talan?" Have you no compassion for your loyal sidekick?

Nevertheless, after the mini-recap, we caught up with Kristin, Jessica, and Alex H. (a.k.a. Roz, a.k.a. Peri Gilpin, a.k.a. my favorite-est obsession on this show) who were packing for a fun weekend up at Mammoth Mountain (that's the preferred ski mountain for the SoCal set, for all you East Coast, Killington types). The big question on everyone's minds was how many sweatshirts should Kristin pack. At first the consensus was twenty, but then logic overtook Kristin, and she decided to reduce the number to one or two. But wait! A dissenting voice! Jessica said she should bring many, many sweatshirts so they could all share them and be comfy and cozy. I don't know about sweatshirts, but I put in a firm vote for at least one muzzle -- with the name "Jessica" sewn across it in big letters. Or "TVgasm." Hey, we'll take product placement wherever we can get it.

"Seriously, I'm just excited to just like do nothing but not like have to worry about doing something," said the clearly over-scheduled Kristin. Listen, I'm with you, girlfriend. After endless weeks of shopping and hitting the spa, sometimes I just need a big ol' break too. The last thing I want to do is worry about whether I have a mani or pedi coming up. Yeah, I know. Stress incarnate.

Well, while Kristin was happy to break away from her taxing lifestyle, Jessica was excited to simply bring the conversation back to her. Yes, she predictably said that she was oh so eager to get away and leave all the drama of Laguna for a weekend. After all, she still was thinking about Jason waaay too much, and that was not a good thing, she reasoned. Also not a good thing: her ever returning to Laguna. Let's hope she's whisked away by the abominable snowman and never seen again.

Meanwhile, poor Roz just sat and watched her two friends, possibly wondering, "Holy shit. Is this my life? Is this really my life?" Yes it is, Roz. Yes, it is.

We then cut to the opening credits (from which Roz is unfairly neglected. C'mon! She's got way more screen time than Stephen!) and then learned tonight's episode would be titled "Get Over Him." Oooh, Virginia Heffernan is gonna love this shit! Anyway, we caught up with Talan who was packing for Mammoth with his latest sidekick du jour, Jeff. If there's anything I appreciate about this series, it's the way it presents every leading character with his or her own accompanying sidekick. I wonder if the Masters ever make their Sidekicks battle each other. You know, like a teenybopper version of Pokémon. The Cedric/Dieter smackdown would be legendary.

Anyway, Jeff and Talan were all excited to join the gals up at Mammoth, but the sidekick made an observant point: the entire trip might be ruined by Jessica complaining about Jason. No shit, Sherlock. Luckily, Talan had an easy solution: "I'm gonna be like 'Ahhh shut it.'" PLEASE DO. Alas, something tells me it won't happen (probably my nagging sense that Talan is incapable of doing anything interesting).

Nevertheless, after the guys were done packing up their Old Spice and cocaine, everyone hopped in Talan's SUV and began the road trip north to Mammoth Mountain. "I'm so excited!" gushed Talan. Yeah, but not as excited as Jeffy who was positively beaming in the passenger seat. Somebody's having the best sidekick debut ever! Yes you are! Yes you are!!!

We then cut to LC who just happened to be in Mammoth too. Wow! What a co-inky dink! So basically, she follows the cameras around everywhere. You know, I really liked LC last year, but now she just seems amazingly pathetic. Time to get a life, my friend. Ah, but I spoke too soon! LC does have a life. After all, she is Laguna's preeminent jigsaw enthusiast. "You know what I'd really like to do?" she asked. "Finish that puzzle." We then saw a partially completed puzzle on the coffee table. Other things she might consider finishing: her college degree.

Posted by B-side on September 6, 2005 3:20 PM