LC Gets A New Man-Purse - 
by B-side
OMG! Like somebody call Alex and Jessica! Jason totally hooked up with LC tonight. That's like sooo wrong. I mean, what do they even have to say to each other? I heard from Cami that Cedric was totally pissed and was like "What the hell?" and then like told Jen who was all like "I gotta tell Dieter," but then Casey was like "Have a quesadilla!" and Emily was like "No, don't ruin my Cabo trip!" and Taylor was like "I hate muscles" and Talan was like "What?" and Jeff was like "Just because I kiss boys doesn't mean I'm gay!" and Morgan was like "Your dress is so cute!" and Alex M. was like "Thanks!" and Kristin was like "Yay BMW!"
Okay, so maybe that gossip chain didn't happen -- yet -- but it will, especially once the latest scandal permeates through the tightly-knit Laguna Beach community. Yes, Jason and LC hooked up, but more importantly, Kristin got a new car! Talk about a watercooler episode!
The show kicked off with Kristin's usual recap of weeks past. Basically, she was so done with Talan (whatever happened to donezo? I still don't know how to spell it. Done-zo? Dunzo?) and Jason was now officially a dog. Too much stress for poor Kristin. "I was just all about getting a new toy to play with, and I don't mean a boy," she said. Ah, but she didn't rule out vibrator...
Anyway, we soon came to the opening scene and whoa whoa whoa! Stop this silliness right now! Do my eyes deceive me? The only two people on screen were LC and her tantastic friend, Jen. Where's Roz? She's the queen of the opening scene. How could she be omitted? Something was up, and I didn't like it.
Turns out things were different this episode. Our normal stars -- Kristin, Jessica, Alex M. -- were relegated to the sidelines as the wunderkind from last season took the reins once again. As we listened in on LC and her Fake Lo sidekick, we learned that plans were afoot for a big barbecue. Basically, LC wanted to invite over all her old friends and a few "mellow" seniors like "Morgan and Taylor and Alex. Oh, and Casey, who I love." I'm not sure I would have used Alex M. as the paradigm of "mellow," especially when hygiene specialist Casey was in tow, but I welcomed the potential drama. Further adding excitement to the mix was Jason, who Jen suggested LC invite. Ah, wonderful. And that's when this Jen girl put on her Shecky Greene hat and asked, "Hey Lauren. What comes with more Part B?" To which LC replied, "Part A?" Get it? (Part A, PartAY). Way to go Jen. Your first big opening scene, and you drop a turd of a joke on us. Go back to the tanning salon, and don't come back until you have some Roz-level material.
We then saw the opening credits and the title for this week's show: "Boyfriends are like purses." There's always another one in five minutes? Oh wait, that's "streetcars." I'm sure the purses thing will be explained later on in an inarticulate way; so I'll just wait until then to decipher this possibly comedic launch point (hopefully the comic stylings of Jen will not be involved).
Anyway, speaking of boyfriends, we then cast our eyes on Stephen and Dieter as they headed to the beach to surf. Ah, sidekick and master reunited after the tough passage of an academic year. Question: why does Dieter have such a puffy face? It's like he has a chronic allergic reaction to something. Maybe air. Nevertheless, he was nothing less than thrilled to go to LC's house. "I've been looking forward to having a BBQ at Lauren's house. Like just all of us chillin' by the pool because it's like so perfect," he said. Ten years from now, Dieter will be working at the Laguna Mobil station, filling up Kristin's tank, and saying, "Remember the good old days? You know, when we used to barbecue. We should do that again. Just like the old days. I miss them so much. I'm so lonely, Kristin. So lonely."
Elsewhere in the 'Guna, LC was shopping for, you know, stuff, when surprise, surprise -- in walked Talan! Even though this chance meeting was completely staged, Talan still said, "I'm just shopping." Yeah, because he normally just shops around women's boutiques. Nevertheless, LC told him about the party, saying, "Hey, I'm having a barbecue today if you want to come."
"Oh, that would be sick!" replied Talan. Whoa, easy there. Relax. It's just a BBQ, not courtside tickets to the Lakers.
We then moved over to the world of Kristin as she and the girls hopped into her car. "I have to go on this side because the door doesn't work," announced Roz. THANKS ROZ. Luckily you can air all your problems to Dr. Frasier Crane, WHO YOU WORK WITH. And for the record, yes, Roz got in the backseat.
Well, for those of you hoping for an exciting scene of turning on the car, you were out of luck. Turns out Kristin's old Isuzu Trooper was dead. The girls all gave their best automotive advice ("Press the brake," suggested resident mechanic Roz), but eventually they succumbed to the sad reality that they would have to take ANOTHER CAR. Dunh dunh DUNH! "Now I definitely need a new car," declared Kristin. Yes, this episode was thick with drama.
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