Last night's show kicked off with another delightful recap by Ms. Kristin Cavalleri as she recounted all the wonderful moments of last week. Okay, basically she just scoffed at Jason and LC, dismissively calling their hookup "Ugh, random!" On the enticing side, however, was news that Alex M. and Casey would be making up. Could this be? Might an olive branch -- or at least a quesadilla -- be extended? I waited with bated breath!

The show then began in earnest with the warm image of our dearest Roz sitting on a couch with her yearbook. You know, after last week's bizarro anomaly of LC and Jen bogarting the opening scene, I was a little concerned that our favorite sidekick might no longer be the queen of the intro, but luckily order was restored, and I could breath easy once again. As Roz sat with her yearbook, Kristin and Jessica suddenly bounded into the scene all full of restless energy and donkey-voiced excitement.

"Alex, you have to sign my yearbook!" insisted Kristin.

"And you have to sign mine!" added Jessica. Wow, this was like the best moment in Roz's life. Everyone wanted HER! Master for a day!

Eventually, the yearbook craziness died down, and the conversation became more pensive. "I can't believe we're like graduating," muttered Kristin. Listen, there's no one more shocked than me -- and all your teachers, I'm sure. Jessica hopped on the "Wow" bandwagon next, saying, "Like eighteen years of like --" but Roz cut her off, correcting her with "Twelve years of school." Poor Jessica. Simple math was never her thing. Come to think of it, any sort of brain functions just weren't her thing.

But hey, even though Jessica may or may not have been attending classes since the day her umbilical cord was cut, at least she managed to make it through the grueling Laguna Beach High School curriculum, unlike Talan, who we learned would not be walking in graduation. He'd be getting his GED instead -- which will come in really handy five years from now when he's working at the 7 Eleven in Rancho Cucamonga. To quote Roz, "Like, okay, random!" Yes, it's been two minutes and "random" has been said disparagingly twice. That's so standard.

And speaking of standard news that's so random I'm totally like dunzo with it, Stephen and Dieter would be heading to Laguna graduation. "Why are Stephen and Dieter going?" asked eighteenth-year student Jessica. "Cause they want to go?" No, silly. It's because they want to be on MTV more. It's the LC effect. Then again, Kristin probably had the wisest response of all: "They still like us." The girls all cackled evilly, providing the perfect segue to Hilary Duff. When we returned, we saw this episode's title flashed on the screen: "The End of the Beginning." We then arrived at the home of LC, who's fast becoming the poster child for "The Beginning of the End." Like last week, our unofficial super senior was flanked by tantastic Jen and new sidekick Heidi who was helping LC make her bed. Wow, it's like sidekick initiation. Maybe soon Heidi will get to see LC pack! Nevertheless, the girls were all abuzz about LC's latest date with J. Wahl, and they lapped up the details like a thirsty dog in a toilet. Probably the most shocking development was that Jason had picked LC up in a hot rod. Heidi for one could not BELIEVE that the car didn't have a roof. I know, it was like a vehicle from the future, this car with no roof. Some people have already termed these strange beasts "convertibles." Crazy, right? I wonder if Heidi went to school for eighteen years also.

Elsewhere in the 'Guna, Stephen visited Kristin in her "office" to pick up an all important ticket to graduation. The two then talked about how crazy it is after the prom when all that's left to face is graduation. "That's like the last big [clicking sound]," said Stephen. Is it just me, or has Stephen been relying more and more on clicks and clacks to express himself? Maybe he took an immersive coarse on Bushmen communication skills in college.

Meanwhile, over at Jessica's house, Dieter pulled up to get his graduation ticket (way to not snag one for your sidekick, STEPHEN), and while it was fun (READ: boring) to watch the former couple playfully chat, I was much happier to switch locales to Taylor's house where she and a corpulent Alex sat in lawn chairs and gabbed about Casey. You see, Casey-dilla wanted to make peace, so she had invited over the entire Alex clique for lunch. Taylor and Alex weren't totally psyched about the invitation, but it was okay because it meant they could sit around and mock Casey's voice -- which they did quite well. "It's not mean, it's just Casey," said Alex. And in other news, it's not delivery, it's DiGiorno. That made no sense. And yet, it did.

Posted by B-side on October 26, 2005 5:30 AM