The Landslide Will Bring It Down - 
by B-side
Like OMG! I can't believe Jason totally kissed Jessica in front of LC, but then he was like "No, she came onto me," and then Jessica was like "No, it never happened," and then Dieter was like "Why are you lying?" and Talan was like "I'm so nervous!" and Trey was like "Oh no! A landslide!" and Cedric was like "I'm dancing in pink undies!" and Polster was like "Hi, I'm Polster!"
Yes, it was a drama-filled episode of Laguna Beach last night as the kiddos cobbled together a fundraiser for local landslide victims. Who would have thought assembling every major player in the Laguna landscape would have resulted in absolute chaos? Well, clearly the producers, who I'm sure had plenty of influence on this whole event in the first place. And God bless 'em. This was one of the best episodes of the season, or dare I say... EVER! I mean, yeah, there have been some classic Laguna dramas, but none have featured the delightful bonus of Talan and his merry band of music makers. Move over Bai Ling. You've got competition.
Tonight's episode began in typical form as Kristin babbled about the various romantic intricacies plaguing the teens for the past few weeks. She shifted gears however, and in the amusingly morbid understatement of the day, our intrepid narrator announced, "Then something really bad happened," as we cut to many crumpled houses, destroyed after a spate of Laguna landslides. Man, even Mother Nature wants to be on this show.
Well, we already knew this episode was going to be memorable, just because for the first time ever, it looked like the teens would have to take note of events not involving dating, shopping, or gossiping. To be honest, this tonal shift left me feeling a little disoriented -- perhaps even chilly with mild claminess. Nevertheless, Kristin revealed her skills as an on-the-scene reporter as she said, "A landslide destroyed like twenty homes in Stephen and Dieter's neighborhood." Like twenty homes? OMG! That's like crazy! Cray-cray, if you will.
Luckily, since the adults were too lazy to do anything about it, Kristin informed us that the teens were arranging a benefit to help the victims. And when I say "teens," I mean everybody. Don't forget, this was summer break. All our friends -- or at least the cool ones -- were back in town. Wow. This fundraiser was going to be the Live-Aid for Laguna. Except, instead of raising money for awareness, they were raising money for Hummers and plastic surgery. Yay!
Nevertheless, it was time to help out their fellow neighbors, and so Stephen and Trey came up with the catchy fundraiser title, "Fight the Slide 2005." Um, bad news guys. The slide already fought. And I'm pretty sure it won.
Kristin's little opening voiceover eventually came to an end as she said, "We were just hoping we could get through one night without drama." We then cut to Jessica. That was the producers's way of saying, "That night without drama? Yeah, that's not going to happen." Anyway, the opening scene was oddly without our dearest Roz, or Alex H. as she's officially known. Fans of this site know I have an uncontrollable tendency to call Alex "Roz," simply because I think she bears a striking resemblance to Peri Gilpin, the actress who played Roz on Frasier. At this point, it's not so much that I'm trying to force a joke out. I just really can't think of her as anything BUT Roz. Kind of like how a random nickname will just stick to someone. Okay, enough explaining.
Anyway, as I was saying, the opening scene did not feature Roz nor Kristin. Instead, we found Jessica and Dieter hanging out in a kitchen, talking about the big fundraiser. Dieter revealed that he'd be emceeing the event, which was logical because he does have such a magnetic, larger-than-life personality... But then conversation shifted onto Jessica (shocker!) as Deet (my new nickname for Dieter. I would write Diet, but it looks like i said the word "diet.") asked if she still talked to Jason -- or J. Wahl, as the kids call him. Dieter, what sort of question is that? Of course Jessica still talks to Jason. She leaves a bloody carcass at his doorstep every night!
Sad aside: it just occurred to me that I totally should have been J. Wahl for Halloween this year. Yeah, it would have been somewhat pathetic and sad, but fairly awesome too. Of course, I had to go to work tonight; so I didn't really have a Halloween anyway. So it doesn't really matter, does it?
Well, the opening credits eventually ran, and afterwards, we learned the title of the episode: "I Saw You Kiss Her." Oooh! Ominous! Looks like we'll be in for a landslide of drama! And yes, I just blew on my slide whistle.
The action moved to a lovely patio set where the grand conclave of Laguna Thinkers and Planners assembled to discuss Fight the Slide 2005 (ironically, that's the same phrase plastic surgeons use when they book Meg Ryan). Anyway, putting the "U.N." in "Laguna" were LC, Alex M., Trey, Stephen, Dieter, Cedric, Taylor, Talan, Morgan, and our old friend... Polster? I vaguely remember this guy from last season, but without a distinctive feature like a giant helmet of red hair (Jake) or a raging addiction to Mystic Tan (Jen), it's hard to really recall much about him. Nevertheless, this group (which did not feature such luminaries as Kristin, Roz, or Jessica) got to work planning out the big fundraiser, and they had a simple goal in mind: "We gotta make it damn good," urged Trey. Well, as long as it's halfway as good as that awesome fashion show last year, I think everyone will be quite happy. Maybe Casey's maid can made quesadillas!
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