Well, the girls continued to gab about their futures, and as the scene drew to a close, Kristin eagerly said, "I cannot wait to see what happens!" Did she just do a promo for her life? Very meta.

For the last time this season, we enjoyed the Hilary Duff-laden credits, and then it was time to learn this episode's title: "One Last Wave." And yes, I'm sure there were about three thousand little girls who began crying as soon as they read "Last." Anyway, we then caught up with Jason, Talan, and Cedric as they surfed the afternoon away -- one last wave, if you will (it's a theme). The guys played and cavorted in the ocean surf, perhaps sneaking in a fugitive grope beneath the waves (I'm looking at you, Jason), but alas, this endless summer would have to come to an end after all. "It's just gnarly to see everyone going their own way," Cedric commented, looking amusingly like a giant penis head in the process. "It's really sad, actually. I really want to cry," he added. Aww. Poor Ced. Clearly going through the early stages of sidekick separation anxiety. What will he do without his Master, Jason? Grow his own wings? Or attach himself onto a more dominant, yet handsome, ruler in college?

Seriously, his head is shaped like a penis.

Elsewhere in The 'Guna, Taylor was preparing to ship out, which of course meant one thing: time for the obligatory friend-watching-another-friend-pack scene. It's a Laguna Beach staple. Playing the role of observant non-packer this evening was Alex M. who popped up in Tay-Tay's bedroom, sat on the bed, and then proceeded to get all verklemped. Hey -- where's Morgan S.? She's a sidekick. Shouldn't she be watching Taylor pack? That's like what sidekicks do. Oh well. When kids go off to school, sometimes the social dynamics get a little screwy. I just have to accept that.

Anyway, while Taylor stuffed her luggage with various frumpy outfits and sweatshirts, Alex sniffled that she didn't know what she was going to do with herself. "You can still call me, you know?" Taylor offered, adding, "Memo to self: change phone number before that crazy bitch calls me. Oh, did I say that out loud?" Okay, Taylor did not say that (but she may have thought it), and after some more sad, incoherent mumblings from Alex, the gals went outside to officially say goodbye. And look! There's Tay-Tay's mom, Karen! Or as I like to call her, K-Dawg. K-Dawg in the HOUSE! (this is followed by Redman-ish barking and possibly a Christina Aguilera cameo).

Well, while K-Dwag observed sadly, Taylor and Alex shared a lengthy, emotional hug full of tears and indistinct sounds. OMG guys! This is so sad!!! They'll like never see each other again! (Until three weeks later at the MTV VMAs)

We then headed over to LC's house to find her packing -- a sight that would have been significantly more tear-inducing had we not seen her leaving the nest last year. Yes, for some crazy reason, watching people leave after they've already symbolically left doesn't quite pack the emotional wallop that you'd think. Especially when said person is only heading an hour north to Los Angeles. Anyway, arriving to help LC pack was not her sidekick (where ARE they this episode?) but Stephen, who entered the bedroom already brimming with strange beeps, clicks, and clacks. Seriously, he was a bit out of control with the noises as he modulated between high and low pitches. Kind of sounded like someone was trying to find an AM station on him.

Well, the two buddies headed outside to take a gander at that lovable Pacific ocean and then retired to the chaise-longues to babble about, you know, stuff. LC informed us that last year, she really wasn't ready to leave home, but now she's like totally sooo over it. She then babbled on and on about how she has poor judgment with boys, calling Jason a "momentary lapse of reason." Eventually though, the convo turned back to Los Angeles as both LC and Stephen expressed excitement about moving up to the big city. And I was excited for them too -- in a non-excited, bored, END THIS SCENE kind of way.

After this meandering conversation had run its course (which for me would have been after the first thirty seconds), Stephen rose and walked out to his truck, which he adoringly treated like some pet horse or turtle. And of course, since no goodbye can ever last less than ten seconds, we then watched the amazing, unabridged saga of Stephen getting into his pickup, LC warmly observing, Stephen maybe going to say something, LC still watching, Stephen putting on the radio, LC still watching, Stephen scratching his chin, LC still watching, Stephen putting the car in reverse, LC shifting weight but still watching, Stephen testing the wipers --- you get the point. To be fair, not all of that happened, per se, but seriously, with the time the camera lingered on this sequence, you would have thought the car had gone through a full inspection before Stephen finally pulled away.

The picture faded to black -- clearly indicating the end of Act I -- and as we returned for Act II, we found Kristin sitting somberly on the beach. Oh, and here comes Stephen to join her. GREAT. Why is there so much Stephen? This episode is supposed to be about the kids heading off to college. Well, my hopes were that this Stephen scene would be somewhat livelier than the one we had just witnessed, but alas, those were just pipe dreams. I should have known not to hold out such optimism. After all, I've always felt any Stephen scene was usually a snoozefest. Well, Kristin lamented to her ex that all year long, she's wanted to leave Laguna, but now that the moment's upon her, SHE DOESN'T WANT TO!! Your response, Sir Stephen:

Posted by B-side on November 15, 2005 1:20 PM