And because the notion that someone like Raquel could throw a good party was all too devastating for Kyndra, she then set about undermining the event by asking Cameron, "Is this officially the lamest party you've ever been to?" He smiled and agreed, but to be fair, he kind of does that with everyone. Well, Kyndra decided enough was enough, and so she rallied the troops and left the partay, off to do something way cooler with her night -- like read Cosmo or Staten Island Quarterly.

The next day, Tessa and Rocky sat at a bench, and in true Laguna fashion, they recapped the party. Once again, they reaffirmed that Alex was indeed hot, and then we learned that after her run-in with Kyndra, Stephanie wound up bawling in the corner. Even worse, Kyndra didn't even bother saying hi to Raquel, the hostess of the event! Actually, that is poor form, but I can't say that I'm really surprised. The two girls then pondered going to Kyndra's party that night, but unlike Kyndra and Cami, they had no insecure need to keep an eye on all social events in town, lest their social rank begin to plummet. As a result, they decided to skip the event and do something else with their boring lives.

Meanwhile, over at Kyndra's house, she and Cami talked about how badly they didn't want Rocky and Tessa showing up at the party that night. Sitting next to them and eagerly listening in was Kyndra's mom, Karen, who seemed to vicariously soak up this teen drama as if it were the vital life force to her aging body. Never once (according to the editing) did this woman tell her daughter -- "Hey, maybe you shouldn't be so judgmental" or "Hey, don't be so mean to your classmates." Instead, she just sat there, feeling like one of the girls. Paging Amy Poehler...

"I love my daughter's life."

Anyway, Cami justified their party-crashing once again, this time saying it was payback for that BBQ at the beginning of the season. Of course, what Cami seems to have forgotten was that Tessa was actually invited to the barbecue. Blast that logic striking again!

Kyndra then relived her golden moment from Rocky's party, saying, "Did you hear me? I was like 'Round up the troops! We're leaving!'" Oh, it was a classic Kyndra moment! People will be talking about that move for years! It's going in the Kyndra Tome of Notable Quotables! Right next to that one time she answered the phone and said, "Kyndra speaking." ANOTHER ONE FOR THE AGES!

Cami then retold the story about how she complained to Rocky about Stephanie, except in this iteration, Rocky had gone from patient and sympathetic (how we saw her in reality) to a head-swiveling bitch from Chino. And let me say that no one enjoyed this story more than Karen, who let out a little, possibly drunken chuckle. It doesn't get much better than this, does it, Karen?

"Good one, Cami!"

We then learned the REAL reason why Rocky had been so offensive: she had refused to become a painted lady! "I'm surprised she had no makeup on. She had NO makeup on!!!" Cami declared as if Rocky had been prancing around the party nude. Even more intolerable was her apparel. Kyndra bashed Raquel's outfit, which consisted of a Santa hat, a white bra/top, and a red skirt. GOOD GOD!!! What was the girl thinking! Wearing red and white at a Christmas party??? And a Santa hat??? Bitch has to get a grip!

Well, as Cami drank from her goblet of cola, Karen finally made an announcement: "Alright. I'm going to give Chloe a bath." You do that, Karen. Oddly enough, I'm pretty sure "Chloe" is her code name for "vagina." Oh I kid! We all know this was just her way of saying it was time for another Valium.

Meanwhile, over at Rocky's house, we finally got to meet the two wonderful people who had spawned Raquel: Tom & Robin (who will be played by Dennis Farina and Roseanne Barr when this is made into a movie). And by the way, I LOVE TOM AND ROBIN! Unlike all the other Laguna parents we've seen this season, they actually look like normal people with nary a touch of plastic surgery between them (although, Tom looked like he might have had a veneer or five in that grill of his).

Greetings from the Farina-Barr household!

Anyway, the doting parents smiled happily as Rocky, Tessa, and Alex wandered into the kitchen, ready to go out for the night. The scene quickly became awkward, however, when Raquel and Alex left for their date, leaving Tessa to simple sit on a stool with Tom and Robin. Um, shouldn't you be walking to the door? Must you inflict your blandness on these people as well? Apparently. It looked like the three of them had an exciting night of watching Cinderella Man lined up. And let's face it: nothing says "Rockin' social life" like watching a DVD with your friends' parents.

Well, with the Dashboard Confessional theme song to the dearly departed One Ocean View playing in the background, Alex and Rocky headed to a Mexican restaurant where they talked about how excited they were to be with each other. It was like watching Naomi Judd and James Franco on a date.

"Spider-Man killed my father."

"Life is so exciting right now!" Rocky then said, adding, "Like we're in a Mexican restaurant! Could life BE any more thrilling!!!!" Okay, she didn't say that last part, but she did ramble on about who knows what, and since this scene was pretty much DOA, let's just move onto the real meat and potatoes of the episode: party #2!

Posted by B-side on August 31, 2006 11:16 AM