Elsewhere in the 'Guna, various boys plotted out their overly-elaborate ways of asking girls to the prom. I don't know if it's just me, but back in my high school days, it kind of went like this: "So, uh, you want to go to the prom?" But since this is the bizarro world of Laguna Beach, CA, everything was done a little differently. For instance, one fella named Alex M. (that's right, another Alex, not to mention another Alex M.) went to a tattoo shop to get a fake "Prom?" slapped on his side for Kyndra. Cameron, meanwhile, greeted Tara with his dog, which just so happened to be wearing a t-shirt with the word, "Prom?" scribbled on it.

"Of course I'll go to prom with you," said Tara, and if there was punctuation that denoted an utter lack of enthusiasm, I'd use it in abundance. She seemed about as excited as if she'd just learned there was a new phonebook on her front doorsteps.

"I'm so excited. I just can't hide it."

Kyndra, on the other hand, was absolutely tickled by Alex M.'s fake tattoo. "You're such an idiot," she said (no word on whether she was referring to herself or him or both). She then made the astute observation: "That's Sharpee!" No shit, sherlock. You think he actually got "Prom?" tattooed onto his bodice? Then again, some of these Laguna kids...

"My armpit humbly requests your presence at the Laguna Beach High 2006 Junior Prom."

As for Cami's date, he buried himself in sand at the beach and placed a present box over his head. When she arrived to open the "gift," he startled her, causing guffaws and smiles all around. Oh joyous pranks of a seaside community! Just wait until we get to Cameron's HI-larious "you ran me over!" bit next episode...

We then cut to Derek, who was standing outside the Laguna movie theater, whose marquis read, "Prom: Starring Lexie and Derek." Wow. Sounds like the worst movie EVER. Of course, when The Lexie arrived, she didn't even notice the theater (she has no tolerance for the commoners' entertainment). Derek had to point things out by saying, "What's up? There's a good movie playing." The Lexie then finally turned and saw this lavish display of attention, and even she couldn't help but let out a huge smile. A fine gesture indeed! Too bad that after all that, Derek was still gonna be left with blue balls.

Amazingly, this movie still did better than The Marine.

Last but not least, there was the ever tumultuous saga of Raquel and Alex. For those of you who may have forgotten, the two were to have a Very Special "Talk" at the beach. First to arrive was Alex, who appropriately found a patch of seaside cacti to perch over while sea lions bayed on some nearby rocks. Cacti? Sea lions? OH YOUNG LOVE!

Well, once Rocky showed up, Alex turned into Smiles McGillicutty as he couldn't help but glow in her presence. I don't think we've seen him express this much emotion all season long. Nevertheless, he revealed that he missed Raquel (and perhaps the cameras) immensely, and to express his remorse, he attacked Rocky with a barrage of gentle arm pinches and occasional strokes. He then confessed, "I feel like I made a bad decision." Was that before or after you called her a slut?

"HEY! I know you! I'm Alex! Remember me?"

Unsurprisingly, Raquel said, "I'll give you a chance. I'm not guaranteeing anything." She then added, "And please stop pinching my arm."

After the commercial break, we headed over to Raquel's house atop the cactus kingdom, but lo! Where did all the cacti go? Was there some unfortunate brushfire that destroyed the vegetation? I found myself feeling sick and uneasy. The world as I had known it had just turned upside down! Well, inside the house was none other than Rocky's mother Robin, who was trying to figure out what her daughter was thinking, taking Alex back. I'm pretty sure she was also wondering what video Tessa would be bringing from Blockbuster. Fingers crossed for Gorillas in the Mist!

Well, Raquel told her mom that she was suspicious of Alex. After all, his friend was going to the prom with Tessa, and yet Rocky was completely dateless even though she was pretty much back together with Alex. Why, it's almost as if Alex was stalling because he wanted to plan an elaborate, ridiculous way of asking, "Prom?" Sure enough, at that moment, he was down on the beach setting up some sort of display for Raquel. Basically, he had adorned a volleyball net with several leis and a sign that read, "Prom?" I don't really know how to describe it, but the words "shabby" and "sloppy" and "AWFUL" come to mind.

Meanwhile, as Alex erected his Hawaiian ode to prom night, several other girls assembled to get their nails done. Present at this gathering were Breanna, Lexie, Tara, and Rachel, and of course, talk focused on everyone's prom dates, particularly Lexie's. Breanna asked her who she was taking, and after Lexie announced that it was Derek, excitable sidekick Tara chirped up, "Oh, he asked her in the cutest way! You know the movie theater downtown? Okay, it said 'Prom. Question mark. Starring Lexie and Derek.' How cute is that???" At that point, Tara's head exploded as the cuteness of Derek's gesture and Tara's general enthusiasm for her master proved to be entirely too powerful for her skull.

Well, just as everyone was cooing over Derek's movie theater shenanigans, Breanna remarked, "Everyone I talk to doesn't like Derek." Hey, way to rain on the parade, BREANNA! Last time I checked, not everyone hated Derek:

Oh no I di'nt! Oh no I di'nt!

Nevertheless, Bree-Bree articulated her thoughts more, saying "Basically, he did exactly what Tessa did to me." So... does that mean that Tessa hooked up with you? Scandal!

Posted by B-Side on November 9, 2006 3:07 PM