We then headed over to the local florist where a bunch of guys including Cameron and a guy named Matt had arrived in search of corsages. "Do you know what kind of corsages you're looking to get? Do you know what the girls want?" asked a lady behind the counter.

"The flower kind?" Matt replied, leading to guffaws all around -- including in the TVgasm offices. The florist then educated the men on the magical world of corsages, noting that in the arrangement, she could go so far as to include -- wait for it, wait for it -- rhinestones! Color me bedazzled! No one was more impressed than Derek, who asked, "You can put rhinestones in them? LET'S DO THAT!" RHINESTONES FOR ALL!!! Best revelation EVER! Sadly, little did Derek know that The Lexie only accepts corsages with genuine diamonds. She does have standards, you know.

Back at Rocky's house, I was happy to see that the Cactus Kingdom was back in full force. Clearly, we must have been looking at the estate from a bad angle earlier. Anyway, Rocky headed out to her car where a large gift bag was perched on the hood. Inside: a red volleyball! Ah, a lovely offering. It's the color of romance mixed with the value of Sports Chalet!

Well, the gift implored Raquel to go -- where else? The beach! A few seconds later, she arrived and happy spotted Alex's janky "Prom?" display. Even though his effort was less Laguna and more Mission Viejo, Raquel was still moved by the sentiment behind it, and she bounded towards Alex with unmitigated joy all over her face. I was kind of hoping she'd get accidentally clotheslined by the volleyball net, but alas, she came to a complete stop beforehand, kissing Alex from across it. So poetic! A love so powerful that no distance nor shabby volleyball net could dare keep these two apart!

After the commercial break, it was finally prom night, and after all the time and effort these guys put into asking "Prom?", you'd think they'd put a little energy into making themselves look like young gentlemen. Wrong. They all looked like wannabe trendy slobs. I'm not Mr. Conservative by any means, but c'mon. It's the prom, not a trip to a nightclub.

Anyway, we headed over to Kyndra's house where she and Cami were getting ready. Kyndra's mom Karen ambled nearby, but she only appeared for about three seconds before she disappeared into oblivion, robbing us of a chance to enjoy her woozy presence. Meanwhile, at Rocky's house, Tessa showed off her prom dress, which she made herself. How very Project Runway. I'm thinking crossover...

Alex then arrived to fetch Rocky, and to say he was underdressed would be putting it lightly. He was wearing a semi-see-through linen shirt that was untucked, wrinkly, and without a tie. HORRORS! However, no one seemed to mind, and soon, everyone was piling into a big limo, en route to Lexie's palace for a pre-prom reception. In the limo, Tessa encountered her old flame Derek -- co-star of the hit movie sensation "Prom?" -- and told him "I'd give you a hug, but..." BUT I HATE YOU!!! Actually, she didn't say that. I think she was merely referring to the impossible logistics of executing a proper hug in the confines of a limousine. Either way, everyone soon showed up at Lexie's, which meant it was time for pictures and happiness, and in the case of Alex, crackers! Yes, Rocky's man made a bee-line for the munchies, and while we can never know certain things for sure, we suspected that if there was a closeup of his eyes, they'd be fairly bloodshot.

Everyone then assembled together for a group picture, and on the count of three the photographer yelled out, "Graduation!" It's prom, dumbass. Later on, as everyone shuffled back into the limo, Cami and Kyndra squeezed together and took a photo of themselves. As she is wont to do, Kyndra then blurted out the rhetorical question, "Who ARE we???" Answer: IDIOTS.

Well, somewhere between the cheese and crackers and the limo, things went sour between Rocky and Alex. I think Rocky wanted Alex to speak more, as evidenced by her command: "TELL ME SOMETHING." (Oh, poor Rocky. She has much to learn about the speech patterns of stoners.) Anyway, I love Raquel and firmly believe she's one of the most mature people on Laguna Beach, but that being said, she turned into the typical, needy, teenage girl as she seemingly grew infuriated with Alex over not much at all. In the limo, she looked withdrawn and annoyed, and as far as we could tell, the worst thing he had done was ask Raquel to slide down a seat.

Anyway, the kids all arrived at their party destination: the always raucous Downtown Disney. Whooohooo! In typical Laguna Beach fashion, this lead to random grainy shots of kids dancing and making googly eyes at the teen-held camcorder. Afterwards, Rocky waited around outside, looking for Alex, who had committed the cardinal sin of GETTING WATER!! "I feel distant from you," Raquel said, surely killing whatever buzz Alex had left. Yes, Alex. Time to talk about "feelings."

"You've pushed me to a point where now I want to go home on my prom night," Raquel then stated. Conveniently, that's exactly where they were headed. Home. So you see, he was merely addressing your needs!

Actually, the kids weren't heading exactly home. Everyone was off to the after-party next. Everyone but The Lexie, who had to be up early for dance. Smell ya later, Derek!

That's right, Derek. Still got it!

Posted by B-Side on November 9, 2006 3:07 PM