Four Will Enter, Two Will Leave - 
by copygodd
Sorry for the lateness of this recap, but as you may have heard, Tuesday was my birthday. Which meant that watching and recapping Last Comic Standing was not high on my list of things to do. Wednesday came and went, and still this show wasn't on the list. I'll tell you what was on the list, though: sleeping. To recover from all my celebrating on Tuesday. Not to mention my vasectomy from last Friday.
Anyway, enough about my old balls. Let's move on to this season's old bag, Michele Balan. (How's that for a segue?) After kicking ass and taking names at last week's head-to-head-to-head challenge, she returns to the Queen Mary, hoping beyond hope that her victory might earn her a slight modicum of respect from the other comics. Of course, she's totally high, because the other comics have as much respect for her as Gordon Ramsey has for Tom's schweaty balls. And now that I've brought that joke full circle, it's time to get this recap started.
As I said, Michele thinks her win will prove to the other comics that she deserves to be there. Let's not get carried away, Michele. It proves you deserve to be there more than Stella and April, but at this point even Dat Phan deserves to be there more than those two. Still, Kristin seems impressed by Michele's win, and doesn't think anyone will challenge her again for a while, proving that Kristin is a true blonde.
That night, the comics are treated to a Moroccan dinner. Rebecca seems disappointed that the meal consists of weird meat and raisins, which only proves she's never had Moroccan food before. Suddenly, belly-dancing twins sporting snakes and veils show up to entertain our bevy of entertainers. No word on whether the snakes were also twins or not. The comics take turns dancing with belly dancers, but the entire segment was flatter than Ellen Pompeo's acting. Maybe next time they should try feeding the comics deep-fried crickets. Or Ellen Pompeo.
Do not release the sexay!
At 2:30 am, the comics are awakened and told to get ready for their next challenge. Nobody is very happy about it, except for Bil Dwyer, who I'm now convinced is actually a Battle-Bot disguise: nobody is that chipper that early in the morning. All the comics are aboard the short bus by 3:30, which Michele thinks is a victory in and of itself. At 5:30 am, the bus finally arrives at the radio station where the Adam Carolla show originates. Because nothing says comedy at 5:30 in the morning than visiting one half of the brain behind the Man Show Boy.
Hostage humor never gets old.
Okay, is it just me or does two hours seem like a really, really long time to drive from Long Beach to Los Angeles? At that time of the morning, I'd think it would take maybe 20 minutes. Thirty, tops. Evidently, the producers have hired Raylonda to drive the short bus this season. They should've picked Jack Bauer; he'd have broken the space-time continuum and made it there in negative 20 minutes.
The comics all trudge in to the studios to be greeted by... Adam Carolla. What, a big star like Adam doesn't have any bitches? And speaking of bitches, where's Anthony Clark? I guess he doesn't get up this early. That's some rider he has in his contract. Adam ends up doing a better job explaining the challenge than Anthony, which really says something, although I'm not sure what.
This week's challenge, for those comics who choose to accept it (I'm talking to you, JOEYGAY!), goes as follows: each comic has to choose an envelope. Inside each envelope is a magazine. They have to do a one-minute bit about the topic of their magazine on the air. Adam will pick the winner, who gets immunity from the head-to-head-to-head competition.
Chris feels like he's dead when he pulls out a magazine called Latina Weddings. Josh gets Weapons of Death, which he says is good, because he already has that issue. Bil gets ssCats! which I'm hoping isn't about cats. The other comics don't seem too enthused about their picks either. Or at least that's what the sneaky producers want us to think.
Roz is up first. Her magazine was on the holy trinity of Astrology, Numerology and Hot Sex. Who couldn't come up with great stuff on that? Roz, that's who. All she talks about is the sex part, and her delivery is so flat everything bombs. Maybe that's why she yells all the time, to make up for her lack of jokes. (Sound like anyone else we know?) Gabriel is next. He has an agricultural magazine and just does funny accents. I'm pretty sure that proves he ate Dat Phan, which is why he hasn't been mentioned at all this season. Chris can't speak or read Spanish and so he's got nothing. Ty has some good material about the hot rod magazine he picked. Even though he later says he'd rather "swim to the ends of the earth with Gabe and Roz tied to his arms than do that challenge again." Why does he assume that Roz and Gabriel can't swim?
Random acts of Bo Bice.
Michele was forgettable, as usual. But for her, forgettable is good, as it means she doesn't suck enough for us to remember her sucking. Josh Blue it. What? That's funny because his name is Josh Blue. Sadly, it's also funnier than his set. Bil's magazine really was about cats, which ruins all my scat jokes I was planning on using. It's not really fair either, because who doesn't already have at least 45 seconds of good cat material in their back pocket?
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