Never Put a Fat Guy in Charge of The Food - 
by EdHIll
Meanwhile, back in the pit with Michael, Sawyer and Jin, Michael once again proves why he’s a moron. You see, Michael wants his son Walt back, which is perfectly understandable. But it has turned him into an irrational jackass whose best idea to get his son back is to just run around screaming "Walt!" Since they are now being held captive in an underground pit, he has altered his strategy to just yelling "let me out!" If Michael got shot I would expect his first reaction would be to yell at his bullet wound "stop hurting!" Thank god we still have Sawyer and his irascible Southern sarcasm. When Jin says something about his shoulder wound, Sawyer responds "why don't you pee on it?" Sawyer must really miss his fetish porn.
Suddenly the cover of the pit opens and the large black dude and Ana Lucia throw a rope down and tell them all to come out. Sawyer, who we know doesn’t react well to orders, unless its someone telling him to pretend he’s a urinal, refuses. When she points the gun at him he says he thinks she's bluffing, since there is only one bullet in the gun. When that doesn’t work, she throws a rock at his head. Sawyer then says "You want me hot lips? You have to come down here and get me." It must've been a big rock to make him think a twenty-something Spanish chick is Loretta Swit.
Next up we go back to this week’s flashback, and it's Hurley sitting in his living room after finding out he just won the lottery and fainted. When his mom comes in the room, Hurley decides not to tell her that he won the lottery, instead just saying that it must’ve been something he ate. His mom then decides to start busting his balls. “Everyday it's the same thing, you work and eat chicken. You have to change your life.� Hopefully she means more than just adding dairy to the list. Hurley just smiles ruefully knowing that things are going to change.
We then see Hurley on the beach where Charlie, the lead singer of Driveshaft, only the most kickass band ever, comes up to him with the baby in tow, telling him to spill it. He wants to know what’s in the hatch. Hurley is somewhat vague and just says it’s like a World War Two bunker, only newer. Charlie knows he’s lying to him and can’t believe it. “You’re going to lie to me? To the baby?� The baby is of course three days old and can’t even focus its eyes much less be offended at Hurley lying about the hatch, so it's kind of a dumb thing to say. Whatever man, Driveshaft RULEZ! Charlie then reminds him about when he told him that he was a multimillionaire, which Charlie still doesn’t believe. Hey, if we can believe that the guy who played the nerdy hobbit is some big rock star, then he can at least believe that Hurley’s rich.
Hurley then runs into Rose, the fifty-something black lady who is convinced that her Bernard is still alive, doing laundry on the beach. After some small talk Hurley asks her why she hasn’t asked him what’s in the hatch. Rose doesn’t really care. Because she doesn’t care (remember, the theme of the episode is how people change when you have something they want), Hurley takes her to the hatch. This is the same method I use every weekend in the bars to get laid. And he goes in the now-unseen front door which is hidden by some vines. Which makes you wonder how Locke the “tracker� was able to find the hatch door buried underground, yet not the huge door a hundred yards away behind a few vines. And while we’re at it, how is it that Desmond went on a race around the world in a boat and was shipwrecked on an island yet his boat had neither a radio nor GPS and no one knew his sailing route well enough to know where to look? Plot holes drive me nuts. Hurley shows her around and tells her he needs help in cataloguing the food so they can come up with a plan for rationing it.
Back on the beach Claire, who has gone from giving birth right back to having around 1% body fat and an amazingly flat stomach, finds the bottle filled with messages that they gave to Michael, Sawyer and Jin, washed up on shore. Realizing that this must mean that they are dead, she and Shannon later approach Sun, Jin’s estranged wife, and tell her the bad news. They say they will leave it up to her what to do.
Can you say "stunt casting"?
In Flashback we see Hurley working at his job at the local chicken fast food restaurant with his buddy and insanely skinny comic sidekick Johnny. After Hurley gets called into the office and yelled at for eating an eight-piece bucket of chicken without permission, he takes off his gigantic hairnet and quits. Since Costello needs his Abbot, Johnny for some reason decides to quit with him. Later that night they decide to play a prank on their ex-boss by spelling out “Cluck You� in gnomes on his front yard. Lamest. Prank. EVER. 
Someone just got Fairplayed
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