Girls Gone Wild: Miami - 
by EdHIll
Yes I know, this Making the Band recap is extremely late. The reason is because I had… ummm…jury duty. Yeah that’s it, jury duty. Ah who am I kidding, I can’t lie to my fan. I was just too busy. Things like “real life� sometimes get in the way of television (it made me sick just typing that). And I suppose a part of it was that I knew deep down Diddy was going to make some cuts this week, and after spending all this time with the new batch of girls, it was just going to hurt too much. Granted they weren’t going to vote out Aubrey, because everyone knows she is an absolute lock for the band. If she doesn’t get in I’ll eat my hat, as they say. And I don’t even own a hat. I’d actually have to go out and buy one just for the purposes of eating it. But I’ve grown to love each and every one of the girls. Mannish Denosh, chubby Dominique, sickly Cindy. They are all like sisters. Well, more like stepsisters since there are a few I wouldn’t mind getting to know a little better, if ya know what I mean. So without further ado, here is the recap for last Thursday's Making the Band 3 season two. Think of it this way, it gives you something to read while you wait for the final Laguna Beach tonight, presented without commercial interruption.
The show starts with the girls at dance rehearsals with the always over-the-top Laurie Ann. She is one of those reality people who want to help make for a more interesting show so everything she does is always overacted for the cameras. If her morning English muffin didn’t have butter on it and the camera was on her, she’d wail for fifteen minutes and then ask “did you get that?� Yeah, she’s that transparent.
Cindy, the anemic sickly girl who puts the P in pale, is dancing like a wet pickle. This display is earning Laurie Ann’s rehearsed wrath. “Cindy, what pocket are you in?� she screams at her. I have no idea what that means either, but apparently there are pockets she needs to be in and she is in the wrong one. Or maybe she isn’t in a pocket at all and she should be. Or perhaps there are no pockets she should be in but she’s incorrectly putting herself into one. Either way, her pocketness is upsetting Laurie Ann.
But Cindy isn’t the only one stinking up the dance floor. Dominique, who we can charitably say does not have the look or dance skills of a member if an all-girl band, is showing her weak points. “Thank the good lord that you can sing,� Laurie Ann tells her. Now the girl can sing, there’s no doubt about that. But when it comes to having her in an all-girl band you kind of have to have some sex appeal. No one wants a group with four girls that look like Tootie. And I’m talking about the later, fatter Tootie, when she wasn’t wearing her roller skates.
Taquita, meanwhile, is getting full of herself. We see her telling us "I can dance. I can sing, and I got the look." Which is true, if the look you are going for is Sideshow Bob. The top of her head looks like a fireworks display of hair. And you know when they show someone talking about how great they are, the episode will then play out showing them doing horribly and possibly getting eliminated. It’s like every Survivor episode when they show someone talking about how they are totally confident and know they aren’t going home. Then before you know it, the tribe has spoken and Jeff puts out their torch.
So like night follows day, smack talk is followed by the person looking like a fool. Taquita is blowing all her dance moves. This annoys Laurie Ann who is now so fired up she’s making bad metaphors. “You stepped on the stage and you fumbled the pass,� bellows Laurie Ann. “Its fourth and goal with three strikes and you’ve only got a 3 wood! Dive! DIve!�
Before Laurie Ann can make any more tortured metaphors, she decides to mix things up. Instead of some one-on-one dancing, Laurie Ann picks Shannon from the group and asks her to pick her own group to dance with. She picks Dawn, Aubrey and Denosh. When Laurie Ann likes her picks, she then goes through a bunch of girls and has all of them choose their own dance groups. As they go though the routines, we see that a lot of girls are picked over and over again for the group. Aubrey (natch), Dawn, Shannon, etc. And wouldn’t you know it, Taquita isn’t picked once.
Later on Taquita is telling Shannon how she thinks everyone is fake. Why? Because no one picked her to be in her group, that’s why. It’s a show hosted by Diddy and you’re upset because people are acting phony? Oh Taquita. You’re new to the reality TV game. Why don’t you sit right back and let me tell you a little story. It’s about an “Apprentice� job that turns out to be nothing but PR appearances and a million dollar prize that ends up being only 560 thousand or so after taxes. It’s also about being told you’re going to be America’s Next Top Model, but all you end up doing is banging a Brady. But most of all, it’s about people overacting and lying whenever there’s a camera around so they can one day parlay it into a job on The Scorned 2 (god help us all).
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