In the other part of the hotel, we see that Dominque needs help. She’s crying on Denosh’s wide manly shoulders. The girl simply cannot dance. She is also suffering from the long abused notion that some women who are slightly overweight fall into. Just because you lost a little weight, does not mean that you can then safely wear skin tight short shorts and have them look flattering. Now I feel for the girl because she’s at that young awkward stage and a good singer. But for the love of god, I need to look out for my eyesight as well.

In order to get some reassurance she goes to get advice from Andre Harrell, the man who started Uptown Records. “He’s just a phenomenal person to talk to, because the things that he knows in the industry can really help a rookie,� she says. And boy she ain’t kidding. “You keep doing what you’re doing and you are going to be a star," he tells her. “All you can do is your best.� And with that they hug and he walks off. Wow. I mean, seriously, wow. That’s the best advice all those years of experience have given him. Armed with those empty platitudes Dominique is about to take the world by storm. Andre Harell is the living embodiment of that “hang in there� poster with the kitten hanging from the tree. A veritable Stuart Smiley. A Hallmark card come to vibrant life. And he did it all with that creepy smile intact.

A disturbing gum to teeth ratio of 1/1

Apparently Mr. Sean “Diddy� Combs has a chapped ass because up next is the Diddy kiss ass hour. That’s right ladies, get your Chapstick ready because it's time to smooch some Diddy derrière. The girls are given a chance to relax for an evening and spend it with Diddy as he gets to know the girls. If you are thinking to yourself that maybe the girls will just view him as just another person in the music industry who they can look to as a peer, then think again. “Who actually gets a chance to sit here with Diddy as if he’s just a regular person?� says Kaui, her voice shaking in ecstasy. As if! I mean, I wonder if he took a dump would it come out as gold or platinum? You have to admit it’s a tough call. Personally I am going with diamonds. Pre-cut of course.

The girls are positively climbing over each other to see who can stroke that ego harder. Granted I sound fairly jaded when I write this, but when you come from the same hometown as Mark Linn-Baker, you just aren’t as susceptible to being star-struck as other people. Everyone wants to tell them what an inspiration he is to them, and how he has been a role model and blah blah. Did I also mention the whole thing is catered? It's true. And we get one of my favorite images of Diddy wearing his platinum necklace, what must be a 12 thousand dollar diamond ring, and eating a bucket of KFC extra crispy (just the skin of course). Keepin' it real.

Pretty soon the booze is flowing and when Diddy leaves he tells everyone that they can go out and have fun and that the drinks are on Diddy. EdHill loves it when he refers to himself in the third person. It’s almost as funny as the gold teeth he was wearing during the show's introduction.

What comes next is images of the sweaty girls shaking their booties at a bunch of Miami hotspots. Oh look, a stripper pole! Some of them take to that like a fish to water. But before they can get really wild, Laurie Ann gets a phone call. “It’s like she’s on the phone with the president,� says Aubrey. So we know it's serious. It must be Diddy. If it was Andre or Johnny she would’ve acted like she was on the phone with the Commerce Secretary, or worse, the head of FEMA.

It of course is Diddy and it looks as if he’s got another big twist in store for us. Now that the girls are good and liquored up he wants them back at the studio in fifteen minutes ready to perform (hmmm, that doesn't sound right). The girls race out and back to their hotel room. Bras are flying, people are running. Aubrey makes the unfortunate decision of wearing her low cut orange cargo pants, thus setting their frequency of use into insanely high Flintstones levels.

When they all finally get to the dance studio, most of them are exhausted. But not Diddy. He saunters in calm and collected and tells the girls that "reality set in" when he was driving home and he decided that he needs to make a cut.

He brings the girls out and has them dance for him. But he's not buying it. "I don't believe you; I feel like there is twenty percent more." But of course the joke is on him because he cut self-described "120 percenter" Tokiko three episodes ago.

When it's poor Dominique's turn her dancing doesn't go as well as can be expected. It even gets the ominous music, and you know that isn't good. They even slow motion on her face cringing as she misses her steps. Even I thought that one was unfair. Poor Dominique. It looks like she may be the next to go.

Posted by EdHIll on November 14, 2005 4:54 PM