The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model search starts with a group of twelve models. These twelve models are going to compete for a chance to win a cover in the spread of the next Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue plus a one million dollar contract from Next Models. In addition, NBC promises to let the viewers decide the eventual winner, putting a slight little American Idol twist to the whole thing. (American Idol is another show looking for some good TVgasm coverage, if you funny people are interested). Will it work? Only if the girls are bitchy and hot, and it probably helps if they are full of dumb as well.

We learn a lot in the first five minutes, such as "What in the hell are some people thinking?". The show spent about 30 seconds on the details of the casting, which was plenty to see that a lot of people out their have not come to grips with reality, such as you might need an above average body as well as the ability to tan if you want to make it into the world of swimsuit modeling. When somebody says "I have nothing to lose." and the audience thinks "Except about 15 pounds.", I am not sure what your chances are.

But I am sure that you want to get into the nitty gritty of the show. Taking the place of the Supermodel Master of Ceremonies is Cheryl Tiegs. I guess she was quite the fine piece when she was in her prime, but I wouldn't know since her first Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover was almost ten years before I was born, and I hadn't even reached preschool by the time she was in her last one. It's not that she isn't good looking, and she puts Janice Dickinson to shame in the "supermodel ages gracefully category", but she is 57. If she is the face of the show, you have a feeling it's not going to be the fun romp we got from Tyra and crew. It also didn't help the low angle shot they used of her was the absolute worst.

The other members of the judging panel were Julie Campbell, who created the Swimsuit Issue and was a former editor, Roshumba Williams, a former Swimsuit Issue model, and Joel Wilkenfield, some idiot executive from Next models. Of the three, Roshumba is the best. She seems natural on camera, has good things to say, and you can tell she really cares about the girls. Ms. Campbell is ancient, and not in a Janice Dickinson sort of way. She's ancient in a "she shouldn't be driving" or "I hope she doesn't fall and break her hip" sort of way. She's also just barely audible, although you can make an argument that she is the funniest of the bunch, but believe me, that isn't saying much. Joel really sucks. He is not funny, and is on camera way too often. To top it off, he is often chosen to speak for the judges, but I guess if you are the one offering a million dollar modeling contract to the winner, you get to have your face on TV.

After we meet the judges, the girls go into their house, which is gorgeous, and meet their Jay Manuel. His name is Nikko, and he is going to be the runway director. He tells them that they have 15 minutes to get changed into their hottest bathing suits. When they are changed, they are going to do a little runway show for the judges. Already, the gossip starts, because apparently some girls aren't shaved enough, which probably means it's been three or four days since their last wax job, and no mortal man will notice. As they are changing, we get a first look at our models. I have to say that they did find a variety of body types. I was expecting almost everybody to be tall, and have huge fake boobs, but it looks like only a few of them implants, and it looks like there is only one natural blonde. Overall, they were quite the bag of fit birds. This review is going to be too long without a little critique of each one, so visit the model bio page for all of the vital stats.

Posted by J-Unit on January 6, 2005 9:53 AM