Extreme Makeover: Season Finale Edition - 
by B-side
Later that night, it was time to move furniture in, but man, this would be a big job. Better call in some backup! I'll let Ty explain: "I actually called the Arizona Army National Guard." Actually, the producers probably called them, but that's okay, Ty. Continue to take the glory for yourself. Anyway, all sorts of soldiers suddenly poured in and began moving furniture into the house. Is this really what our tax dollars go to? Having soldiers take orders from Ty Pennington? Shouldn't we be putting them to better use, like, you know, securing the peace in Iraq? (Meanwhile, a dozen readers are now going to complain "Helping the Piestawa family is important! Lori gave her life for this country!" which is true. And that is the beauty of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. You can't make fun of it without people getting all angry).
As the army carried various items into the house, we once again were privy to the comedy stylings of Ty Pennington as he schooled Jessica Lynch on how to properly use a megaphone. Putting the old windmill bit to shame, Ty yelled into the megaphone so maniacally that all his veins seemed to come popping out of his gangly neck. Oh, this is RICH! He's yelling into a megaphone! Don't you get how brilliant this comedy is?? Somebody give this guy a special on Comedy Central! [pausing to regain control of body, taking a few breath, wiping tears from eyes].
Not to be outdone, Paul DiMeo showed up again with his own comedy bit. You see, the wind was blowing really hard, and look, he feigned getting blown away! Somebody get this guy a writing gig on Yes, Dear, STAT!
Well, the next morning, the Piestawa family returned from their sojourn at Disney World, and blah blah blah, Ty bellowed out "Move that bus!" or whatever that stupid line is they say. Sure enough, the family was in awe of their new house. And to make it even better, the rest of the design team came running out the front door -- because let's not forget it's all about them, people.
Okay, so the house turned out to be really beautiful, and the Piestawas were simply blown away. Leave it to Michael Maloney to frame the moment in an appropriately patronizing way: "We could have built them anything, and they would have been thrilled." At this point, Michael tickled the family and gushed, "Because they're so cute, those Piestawas! Yes they are! Yes they are!"
Anyway, as the family toured the house, the design crew either cried (Preston) or tried to cry (Ty). At one point, Lori Piestawa's mother gave an eloquent, thoughtful, and emotional speech, and for a brief second, the rampant exploitation of people's misfortunes for ratings faded away. And then of course Ty grabbed the grandmother and uttered, "God, you are a wonderful woman," reminding us that it's Ty who has benefited the most out of this.
Later, the family wandered into the much-hyped rumpus room where Ty surprised everyone by jumping out of the ball pit. "Check it out! There's balls everywhere!" he exclaimed.
[pause to create your own testicular / balls / Ty Pennington jokes]
And we're back. After playing with his balls, Ty then took the grandparents up to their master bedroom, which, by the way, was also Ty's secret project! That meant that this room was even more about Ty Pennington than any of the others! Anyway, inside was actually a pretty impressive setup full of Native American artifacts and motifs. The Piestawas were blown away and complimented Ty for his good work, especially how he took in Navajo culture and made it a part of the room. "You did a lot of learning!" they said over and over again. Yay Ty! Take a bow! You're the star! You learned about Navajo culture!
Lastly, it was time to enter Lori's room, but before going in, it was important that everyone saw how sincere Ty felt about this moment; so he lowered his voice to a raspy whisper (that means he's introspective!) and slowed his words (that means he's respectful!) and kind of frowned (that means he's sad!). What a wonderful, thoughtful host. Sorry, Piestawas, but I think we should really give this house to Ty. It's okay. You're used to living in a trailer home. But Ty, he put his heart and soul into this. He really deserves it.
Anyway, everyone filed into Lori's room and tears were had by all, and dammit, was I getting emotional too? I REFUSE to be snared by this dumb show! Thankfully, I survived this extra manipulative scene (look at the little boy cry! YOU SHALL CRY TOO, HELPLESS VIEWER!) and managed to keep myself from vomiting as the young daughter then rode around on a horse that apparently could not be tamed. I HATE THIS.
Finally, the episode ended with everyone gathered around the new fire pit in the backyard. The bland executives from Shea Homes then forked over $50,000 to the family (hmmm... that's good, but if Marlee Matlin isn't showing up, I really don't care) and soon everyone was crying once again, including Jessica Lynch and Lori's father. As strings swelled on the soundtrack, I too found myself getting emotional again. No, Ty Pennington, you shall not win this battle. Sure enough, I battled through the assault of sentimentality, and I'm proud to say I emerged without shedding a single tear.
Honestly, I'm very happy for the Piestawa family, and I'm sure the outpouring of support has changed their lives for the better. But I hate Ty Pennington now more than I ever have before. Thank you ABC for letting me re-channel my disdain onto someone new.
What did you think of the finale? Did you cry?
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Comments
b-side, you need to give up your life and recap something every night, you are so funny. I need this fix every day.
Posted by: runswithscissors | May 24, 2005 9:54 PM(#1 of 17)
I was watching this moving episode whilst eating my Hungry Man Dinner on my Sears Ty Pennington Style Dishes (I believe they are from the "Plum Crazy" line). I was so overcome with emotion that I had to crawl into bed under my Ty Pennington sheets, luscious lava to be exact, are you jealous? I thought so. Anyway, I just wanted to brag that I own the entire set of Sears' Ty Pennington Style crap!! Praise Ty for his greatness!!
Posted by: bellis | May 25, 2005 5:26 AM(#2 of 17)
OK, having lived in Arizona for over a decade, wind is not that much of a constant.
I don't think they even climbed Piestawa Peak, I think they were helicoptered. It's not that hard of a climb, people. How lazy can you be?
I must be influenced by this site, because I didn't even tear up once and found myself getting snarkier (is that a word?) with every minute. My first comment of the evening was "OK, that kid's not 6 years old, he ate a 6 year old". Bad TVGasm. I was such a nice person once...
Posted by: laska | May 25, 2005 6:08 AM(#3 of 17)
I had started to hate the show because of the ungrateful family (the mom said the airline themed room was overkill), but now I really hate it. In fact, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is dead to me.
Jessica Lynch? Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me. I have hated her since day one. Flame away, but her bangs were enough to cause projectile vomiting. I cannot believe they had her on.
The cheesiness of that episode alone could've killed me. I'm sure that somewhere in middle America people were weeping, but seriously, ugh.
Posted by: Catie | May 25, 2005 6:24 AM(#4 of 17)
This show goes over the top, but the premise is good and I think the people really do want to be helpful. Ty is obnoxious, but I get the feeling that he might have the capacity to be serious and normal but we never see that (whenever he's acting normal while building or showing the house to the family, I'll bet a producer yells at him through the megaphone.) I wish they'd dial back the sugar on this one, because it could be a great show.
Of course having a former POW on was a move to get ratings, but she seems like a nice person who is famous for something she certainly didn't ask for or want and who figured out how to use that name recognition to help people who needed it. I can't fault that (and would be a pretty pathetic person if I wanted to fault that.)
Posted by: Ashes | May 25, 2005 7:06 AM(#5 of 17)
Wow, B-side, I actually pity you. Such a "snark-fest" can only be the ravings of a bitter, cynical person who has probably spent too much time in TV land. Might I suggest a vacation.
I admit I watch EM:HE from time to time and, yes, it's a show that works overtime at sentimentalism and schmaltz. But it is also the only show left out there that attempts to build up the human spirit rather than tear it down.
Everyday at work I deal with people who have been beaten and battered by the world. I want to fix their ills, remove their pain and bring them back to the happy life they once had, but I don't always have the means to accomplish such a monumental task. All I can do is try to restore SOME peace and stability into their chaotic lives, yet it often doesn't seem like enough. They smile, they express their gratitude but the grim fact is I often feel like I've failed them somehow.
Then I watch EM:HE and immerse myself in the schmaltz. I laugh, I cry and I feel better knowing that ABC is out there trying to make a huge difference for a handful of truly needy people. And I feel better.
So leave it alone, B-side, and let it be what it is, because that's exactly what some of us need. Otherwise, we're left to believe that the world is only populated with people like . . . . . .well, . . . . . . . .you.
Posted by: Akaidah | May 25, 2005 7:11 AM(#6 of 17)
Akaidah, Snark is good, healthy in fact, beneficial to mankind, if you will. I mean, what would happen if everyone was good and kind and smiley and loved shows like "7th Heaven" and anything on the WB? Kill me at once! I love to watch EM:HE (emheee!)fall over itself to make each show more insipid and tear filled than the last one! I mean, men CRY on this show, and not just the gay ones!! The over-wrought music, the family with the crappiest house and lousiest life get a HUGE house with a ball-room. Oh, yea and what exactly will they do with the kids rooms when they no longer want to sleep in an exploded toy chest??! Ahhh...the drama, shameless egotism of Ty and his Queen team create are just too good for real life. That kind of goodness cannot go unsnarked.
Posted by: LizyB | May 25, 2005 8:47 AM(#7 of 17)
oh please. the navajo and the hopi would never use that as a "meeting place" maybe an "adverse meeting palce." the hopi are bad bad people and us navajos would never willingly engage them. think n korea (hopi) and s korea (navajo).
and yes it is good to help a family in need but what most everyone doesnt realize is that the poor condition of this family's home is entirely representative of nearly all homes on every single indian reservation across this country.
however, i'm glad you wrote about this show--i stopped watching after some kid who couldnt go out in sunlight. i used to cry when i watched and i'm a fucking jaded new yorker. never again pennington...NEVER AGAIN!
Posted by: jash | May 25, 2005 9:16 AM(#8 of 17)
I'm a big fan of this show, but Sunday's super-sized episode was just too much for me. They took what could have been a touching 1hr show and turned it into a 2hr shmaltzfest. Bad ABC...very bad. Bring back the blind/autistic son of the deaf parents or the widowed father with 8 kids, those were tearjerkers!
And I'm going to have to stick up for B-Side Akaidah - the world could use more good people like him.
Posted by: Melis | May 25, 2005 9:57 AM(#9 of 17)
Hallelujah! I've been waiting for you to sink your 'Gasm teeth into the sugary gooey mess that has become Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
Excellent (and tragically accurate) recap.
(Sigh) I remember the good old days when they used to show the actual house being built. Now, they just try to one-up themselves in the cheese department.
Posted by: HicksPub | May 25, 2005 10:22 AM(#10 of 17)
HicksPub, I agree that they have gotten too far away from the building/remodeling/designing aspects. They've let this get so bloated, with 2 hours on Sunday and another hour on Monday that they show us only a few seconds of design for every 10 minutes of other stuff. Like I said before, they need to dial back the sugar instead of retelling the family's story every few minutes. There is great power in subtlety--tell the family's story at the beginning and then let us see their reactions at the end and it will mean more than dozens of teary interviews and countless, constant references by the design team to how bad things are. Right now, they don't show them designing so much as a nightstand without tears and talk about suffering.
Posted by: Ashes | May 25, 2005 10:41 AM(#11 of 17)
Akaidah - I never trashed the premise of the show, only the self-congratulatory nature of it. Here this is supposed to be a wonderful thing for these people, and instead, what the show is really about is how wonderful Ty & Co. are for being so charitable.
Plus, it's very exploitative.
Posted by: b-side | May 25, 2005 11:23 AM(#12 of 17)
Ahhh....thanks B-Side. I've never been able to quite put into words how annoying this show is, but you did! The self-congratulatory nature of the cast is just out of control and the only reason I can't watch the show anymore. Get rid of all the pats on the back and they'll get another viewer. Until then, Yuck!
Posted by: Megan | May 25, 2005 12:56 PM(#13 of 17)
I too am a faithful EM:HE watcher but like so many others, I think the pure cheese factor is wearing a little thin. Yes, I got a little verklempt at the end just as the producers wanted but Ty and his band of twits manange to ruin the tear worthy moment almost as soon as it began.
Someone needs to take that freaking megaphone and shove it down Ty's throat.
Posted by: mountain girl | May 25, 2005 3:55 PM(#14 of 17)
Do y'all have nothing better to do than rag on a show that is all about helping needy people. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. Can you say that you have helped that many with all those problems. Even if the people on there are annoying at least they are doing something to make this world a better place!
Posted by: Tiffany | May 27, 2005 10:28 PM(#15 of 17)
Tiffany - feel free to read my comment (#12).
And yes, I have helped many people. Helped them not commit suicide in their desk cubicles by providing humor. I AM WONDERFUL!
Posted by: b-side | May 28, 2005 2:54 AM(#16 of 17)
My son died with Lori, He was the first soldier to die for Georgia in the Iraq War, He also has a son he left behind, that his mother walked away from at birth and I have been raising, My son also had the dream that he was going to have a big house built and raise his son, And now that dream has been Crushed. I am unable to forfill that dream, some ordinary people need help too. Please get in touch with me. God Bless.
Posted by: Patricia | June 11, 2005 6:21 AM(#17 of 17)