The fun all began just over a week ago. Loyal TVgasm reader IndianJones was in town, and after several rounds of beer at local hangout Cabo Cantina, we decided to move the party to someplace more upscale. We trotted on over to The Standard to hail a cab, and as we stood there on Sunset Boulevard, who should we see exiting the hotel but none other than Michael Tarshi himself. J-Unit proudly pointed to the nice new Ferrari Tarshi was driving(apparently an F430) and exclaimed, "MICHAEL TARSHI!!" Drunken high-fives and self-congratulations were had by all, and with our spirits raised, we jetted off to Geisha House, a swanky bar in Hollywood co-owned by (embarrassingly coughing into shoulder) Ashton Kutcher and Wilmer Valderrama.

Once at the bar, we quickly ascended to the smoking patio, knowing full well the chances of running into a celebrity would be significantly increased (Don't worry. We don't always obnoxiously stalk the stars, but IndianJones was on the hunt for a celebrity since his past few visits have yielded nada). Anyway, we managed to secure a cozy table by the door, and as we sat there and passed judgment on the crowd, I suddenly realized something quite amazing. About seven feet away from the table was none other than Michael Tarshi yet again. Laughter and self-congratulations reigned supreme once more, and as we quietly observed this reality star, I couldn't help but notice a small, diminutive man talking to the Tarshi. But wait -- that silly hair, that goofy face, surely I recognized this guy. Ah ha! After a brief consultation with my internal reality star database, I realized that this was Brian Wirth, late of Average Joe: Hawaii. Okay, very nice. Some Boston-based reality rejects having a night on the town -- must make mental note for potential post.

But then things started to get exciting. A woman with big, blonde hair happened to be talking to Tarshi and Brian, and when she turned around, I discovered that it was none other than Jerry Manthey of Survivor: Outback, Survivor: All-Stars, Surreal Life 1, Playboy, and, of course, Blind Date. As far as reality stars go, this was about as big as stumbling into Mike the Miz and Coral together. Anyway, it became clear that J-Unit and I had encountered something big. The reality stars were multiplying before our very eyes. Surely, there would be more to come.

Indeed there was. After about ten or twenty minutes, this little clan slowly took over the booth directly adjacent to us, thus allowing even better stalking/spying. J-Unit and I noticed a fairly slutty looking girl hanging around the guys, and although our famedar was stalling, TVgasm friend Spotdog (of Sorry I Got Drunk) soon joined us and instantly identified this drunken trollop. Turns out it was American Idol's very own Nikki McKibbin, the red-haired third place finalist of season one. Well, if there's anything we know about reality stars, it's that as goes Nikki McKibbin, so goes Toni Ferrari. Yes, not very far away was the famed über-star of Paradise Hotel, and hey, she looked pretty good too. Since Spotdog has this weird relationship with Nikki and Toni (ie. he pounces on them every time he encounters them at a bar), he went off and chatted them up while we chilled out and watched the reality parade continue.

Showing up next (I think -- the chronology is a bit hazy) was frisky Burton Roberts of Survivor: Pearl Islands. TVgasm readers might remember the last time we crossed paths with this guy (he attempted to hit on our friend, S. Lo; had no game; his friend made out with her instead -- good stuff), and well, as the night later proved, Burton still hasn't improved much since his whole "I dropped a quarter down your jeans" line/grope (that is a true story). But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Anyway, while the drunken Nikki McKibbin continued to stumble/seductively dance around the reality stars, we began to piece together the occasion. You see, last week, Bravo filmed The Battle of the Network Reality Stars, and sure enough, this was the wrap party. Best... coincidence... EVER!

Around this time, a flash of bleached blonde hair and gigantic breasts caught my attention. Was it Pamela Anderson? Nope. It was none other than The Miz (bleached blonde hair) and Coral (gigantic breasts). That's right -- the dynamic duo that I had only dreamed about encountering in person. IndianJones became immediately excited as he admitted regretfully that he LOVES The Miz. As for me, I drunkenly called Coral over to the table and told her she was funny on the Real World: Austin special. She said thank you and moved on. Seriously, she has massive boobies.

Hanging onto The Miz's arm however was not Coral but Lauren of Beauty and the Geek (you know her -- tan, blonde, IQ of 500). Turns out these two are not only dating, but they have been dating on and off for the past three years. We figured this out when we Lauren drifted by our table, and we hauled her in for questioning. To her credit, she was a good sport and seemed relatively embarrassed by her self-assessed IQ score.

Posted by B-side on June 20, 2005 5:10 PM