Meanwhile, since I was restless and felt like starting trouble, I found The Miz and pointed to IndianJones. "That guy over there is your biggest fan. Will you come over and say hi?" I asked. Mike was like "Sure!" and a few minutes later, he came over to the table and introduced himself to us. IndianJones was very embarrassed. Truth be told, Mike was really, really nice, and I instantly felt like a jackass for making fun of his website. Sorry Mike! (I'll probably still make fun though.)

Elsewhere in the bar, Burton "Sticky Fingers" Roberts decided that this evening's prey would be Brittany. I'll let J-Unit explain:

Burton, Burton, Burton. In the interest of full disclosure, I will say that I always thought Burton was a douchebag. However, my friend Meeshie likes him so much, I decided to give him a second chance. And admittedly, even though he was all hands with S-lo a few months back, she did make it back home safely, and hadn't done anything she would regret. Seriously, I don't want to pile it on, but while I looked over and saw that Coral was making out with some un-named Asian girl (OK, maybe they just kissed, but it wasn't an accident), I saw Burton working his moves, this time on Brittany.

Maybe it's no coincidence Coral is on the LA Pride webpage...
(Thanks to TVgasm reader Tomm for the heads up)

Well, it's hard for me to make fun of Burton for hitting on Brittany, because she was probably the hottest woman there (who wasn't already spoken for, that honor goes to Victoria) in her tight red dress and heels.Yes, Brittany is still a party girl (yes, I was still distracted by that huge cleft dimple in her chin) and she was hitting the booze pretty hard. Burton, of course, was there to catch her in case she fell. I probably wouldn't have thought anything of it, if I hadn't noticed this behavior before, but I soon realized that Burton seemed to immediately take an interest to Brittany, especially when he saw that she had two drinks in her hand. I don't know, maybe Burton doesn't have confidence, or maybe he just has no game, but I was starting to see a pattern. For the rest of the evening, Burton did his best to get, um, "closer" to Brittany.

Eventually, at around 1:15 AM, the lights came up at Geisha House (a bit early, if you ask me), which meant it was time to move this party elsewhere. Nevertheless, with Jonathan, Victoria, and Tarshi as our loyal allies, we learned that everyone would be heading next door to Mood, the hoity nightclub that hosted Paris Hilton's engagement party. I had never actually been in there due to their strict door policy and $30 cover (I once tried to get in by saying I was there to review the club for LA.com, but I was rebuffed by a perky door girl named "Sunshine." Sorry, LA.com). Anyway, we headed next door, and after The Miz talked up the bouncers, the entire reality posse shuffled in. That's when Tarshi looked back at us and nodded his head with a "Come on, guys" look. Wow. We were officially riding on the coattails of reality stars. Don't know how I feel about that...

IndianJones and I managed to get into Mood just fine, but for some reason J-Unit wasn't paying attention and missed the boat. Sadly, he was left out on the street for the next forty-five minutes. That's okay though. He really didn't miss much. The reality stars simply got drunker and in the case of Nikki McKibbin, sketchier. The mother/singer shimmied up to a railing and proceeded to grind against it for about ten minutes. Ironically, Ryan Seacrest was at the club (J-Unit had a great view from his street-side vantage point), but as far as I could see, he did not have a reunion with the former Idol thrush. All too soon, the club closed. In my drunken haze, I somehow missed a fight break out between The Miz and some guy at the bar, but again, I'm sure J-Unit can clarify.

Somehow, I got stuck outside of Mood. I was thinking of paying off the bouncers, because any of them could have used some extra money to wash the grease out of their hair, buy some lotion to help out that bacne problem, or for that application to DeVry. Hell, even fifty cents worth of Tic Tacs would have helped these guys out. But whatever, it's not like I will never be back, so why sweat the small stuff? Besides, outside there was plenty to see. As I said before, I studied anthropology, and as the club started emptying, I began to observe just how well Joss Stone and her white jeans campaign have been doing. Verdict: not bad. Plenty of fine young ladies wearing white denim, although clearly not all of them bought from the Gap.

Soon, the big names started coming out. Seacrest left the club and got into the car that was waiting for him. He was accompanied by a friend - not a girl, if you care. After that, it wasn't much longer before the reality stars started pouring out. There was Burton still working on Brittany. "I think you're really special," he said. Luckily, I didn't have that much bourbon, so that cheese wasn't enough to make me vomit, but it was close. Mike and his posse soon came out as well. Now, Mike is obviously a very fit guy, but TV seems to add about 4 inches and 50 lbs to his body. He looks like a linebacker on television, but in person, you can clearly see that he would only make it in the arena league. Again, it's not like he is small, but being 6'4" myself, I was sort of surprised at his height.

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Posted by B-side on June 20, 2005 5:10 PM