Kill Reality Stars - 
by B-side
My recapping schedule is all messed up, mostly due to the fact that last night I wound up knee-deep in another reality star party. This time, however, I was actually invited, courtesy of our friends at E! Entertainment. J-Unit sadly couldn't make the trek, but I happened to have had two buddies with me at the time, and with camera in hand, we happily crashed (but not really, again -- invitation) the soirée.
What was the occasion? Why, the premiere of Kill Reality, of course! Don't worry, there'll be a full recap of that too (and Hell's Kitchen). But for now, check out these sweet-ass photos I took (okay, they're actually fairly lame. Eh, I tried my best).
Anyway, I didn't wind up taking too many photos, despite all the TVgasm targets around. For some reason, it just didn't seem appropriate. No one else seemed to be taking pictures; if I really wanted a shot, I pretty much had to ask for it, and honestly, I couldn't muster up the insincerity to say, "Hey Jonny Fairplay! Big fan! Can I take a picture with you?"
I did, however, get a few people to smile for the camera, but that's only because they already knew me. The rest of the shots were dimly-lit, long-distance candids that required some Photoshop assistance for presentation.
As for the stories, well, would it be totally shocking if I said there were no stories? Because there weren't. I don't know what was going on. Let's see...Tijuana Bradley from Survivor: Pearl Islands knocked into me, spilling my drink. Um...Ron Jeremy was there, but he sat in a corner the entire time and didn't talk to anyone. Let's see, let's see...oh, Pamela from The Apprentice squeezed my shoulders when she tried to get by me (yeah, scraping the barrel here). Actually, at one point I did find myself standing next to The Scorned director Robert Kubilos, which was awesome because I've always had so many questions about Girls Gone Wild: Spring Break, Anything Goes!, but for some reason, I got crazy cold feet. Oh well. Let's just look at the pictures.
Two of our hosts for the evening, the infuriatingly photogenic Josh and Erika from Big Brother. I've known these two for a little while now, and they're really, really nice people. What? I'm not allowed to be friendly?
A stage? A spotlight? Toni Ferarri is THERE!
Good ole Rob Cesternino. I only met him for the first time last night, but he's pretty funny. And he was wasted, in case you couldn't tell.
Toni attempts to wrestle Tonya Cooley for a larger role in The Scorned...
...but a roving TV camera luckily distracts her away.
TVgasm accomplice Secret Asian Man poses for the camera. But wait! Who's that in the background??
Why, it's Jenna Lewis and Steven Hill! Looks like "Trishelle's table scraps" are good enough for her!
Now I pose for the camera. And wouldn't you know it? Look who's behind me!
It's Reichen! And yes, I immediately felt very un-pretty.
And that's all I have. Weak, I know. Thanks to E! and The Fishbowl for hosting the big bash.
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Comments
Strange. My invite must have gotten lost in the mail.
MYL
PS Tony Fat-rera's new roommate is none other than BB5's Diane. I guess after her break up with Drew, she decided she needed to live with someone who has balls.
Posted by: madeyoulaugh | July 26, 2005 1:58 PM(#1 of 16)
Toni's scary!!!!
Watch out B-Side... if Toni reads what you wrote about her, your next run-in with her might be your last! I bet she could crush men twice your size (and if not, deafen them with the wrath of her big, fat mouth).
Posted by: Amanda | July 26, 2005 2:51 PM(#2 of 16)
Okay, I have a few questions.
Is Jenna Lewis' joke of a porno movie marriage actually over?
When did Tonya get her lesbian style makeover?
And, is it just me, or could you easily put Sue Hawk's head on Toni's body and not know the difference?
Posted by: ellen | July 26, 2005 2:56 PM(#3 of 16)
Yeah, I was confused about Jenna L as well. She didn't have a wedding ring on and was flirting with Steven. When was this thing filmed? And I would actually be more shocked if she was still married to the 18 year old from the porn video.
Posted by: Kimberly | July 26, 2005 4:22 PM(#4 of 16)
Shocking as it may sound...I kinda like Tonya's new hair cut. It's better than the stringy-matted rat's nest style she used to sport.
Posted by: Jenners | July 26, 2005 4:26 PM(#5 of 16)
I don't know. This new look just doesn't fit Tonya's white trash ways.
'Nother question. Just who raises Jenna's kids? I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't think her absence has any effect. Raised by Jenna.....raised by chimps......it all equals out, but just curious.
Posted by: ellen | July 26, 2005 4:36 PM(#6 of 16)
Geez Erika whats with the clown makeup?
And Jenna Lewis is outwhoring Trashelle. I actually saw some of her "pono". It turned me gay for a week. That was one fucked up week (Bill, if youre reading this. Call me).
Posted by: Eddiebosox | July 26, 2005 8:07 PM(#7 of 16)
B-side, I am so envious! My ad agency does prodcut placement on many of these shows. Where was my invite? Is it sad that I get invites to the Emmys and Golden Globes but not to this party? Don't they realize how shallow I am?
Posted by: SaveFerris | July 26, 2005 8:43 PM(#8 of 16)
Weird........when I was driving once with my dad and bro in the White Mountains in NH, we only got one really bad oldies station, and it played honestly like, 9 songs, tops.....and one of em was Secret Agent man, and my brother thought that was awful cuz he thought they were saying "Secret Asian Man" which just happens to be your friend at the party's name.
Posted by: katie | July 26, 2005 9:04 PM(#9 of 16)
See Jenna whore. Whore Jenna, whore.
See Johnny Fairplay's hair. Brush Johnny, brush! See Tonya. Ick Tonya Ick. See Trishelle still try to make it on a reality show. Disappear Trishelle, disappear! See Stacey Q. sell out and do this show. Ew Stacey, Ew! See fat Toni. Eat Toni, Eat! See ,me change channels. Click Trixie, click..See me click to Being Bobby Brown...See Incoherant Whitney, Snort Whitney, snort! See BobbiKristina get hit with the ugly stick...Break mirrors BobbiKristina, break mirrors.....sigh..sorry gang had to get this off my chest
Posted by: Trixie | July 27, 2005 9:12 AM(#10 of 16)
According to the IMDB, Jenna is still married to that model guy. I was confused about that too. Actually I don't really understand how she keep scoring these gorgeous guys-that model, Steven, apparently she dated Ethan for awhile. She seems caustic and only average in attractiveness.
Posted by: lain | July 27, 2005 12:33 PM(#11 of 16)
I saw a few clips from Jenna's home porn nonsense. She is so pathetic. Wonder if anyone will mention it on this show??? The model boy was kind of hot. I guess she dumped in when no one cared about her dirty movie. I feel sorry for her kids.
Toni is a freak. If you watched 'paradise hotel' you know. The girl is too cuckoo for cocoa puffs, thats for sure.
I find myself enjoying this show, the most disturbing moment was when we learned Trashy Tonya boinked Jonny Fairplay. Now thats scary. That plot point should be in the movie they are making. I hope Jonny has his valtrex handy, and received a penicillin shot prior to boning her!
Posted by: katiehole | July 27, 2005 1:25 PM(#12 of 16)
I wonder if, when Tonya joined Real World Chicago, she had any inkling that one day she would become America's most famous whore. I don't mean reality whore. Just plain dirty whoo-a. She schtucked Johnny Fairplay? Apparently she has run out of RW/RR cast members to screw.
Posted by: Filthy Whoo-a | July 27, 2005 9:50 PM(#13 of 16)
Iain,
I think you are thinking of Jenna M. from Amazon when you say that she dated Ethan.
Posted by: tv freak | July 28, 2005 11:45 AM(#14 of 16)
tv freak-
lain's right. Ethan has dated both Jennas.
Posted by: Amanda | July 29, 2005 10:07 AM(#15 of 16)
Truly amazing what a whore Tonya has become. She screws any guy who shows interest in her. That said...I would really like to get in her pants too. She's the only reason I'm watching this garbage.
Posted by: Lee | July 30, 2005 6:38 AM(#16 of 16)