TVgasm Heads to E3, Dances Really Badly! - 
by B-side
It's E3 week here in Los Angeles, and for those of you not in the know, E3 stands for the Electronic Entertainment Expo. Basically, it's a video game convention. I know that sounds geeky, and, well, it is, but I've gone to E3 for the past three years, and it's always an experience unlike any other. Imagine watching someone having a seizure. Now imagine that you live inside that person's head. Yeah, that's what E3 is like. Total sensory overload.
Now, every year that I've gone, there've always been tons of reality stars crawling all over the place: Julie from Real World: New Orleans, Blair from Road Rules: The Quest, Robb from Survivor: Thailand, and countless other D-listers. So this time around, I thought I'd bring my camera and see what I could find. I also tried to take pictures of whatever based-on-TV video games I could find. Needless to say, there were slim pickings on all fronts.
Warning: Many pics after the jump. Beware if you're on dial-up.
For a brief moment today, I thought I was cool for going to E3. And then I saw this giant banner hanging on top of the Convention Center. It reads "Forgotten Realms. Neverwinter Nights 2." I feel like the biggest dork on the planet.
Outside the Convention Center, this little robot was terrorizing pedestrians. Luckily, it didn't come near me. Otherwise I would have to had to open up a can of whoop-ass on it. Actually, I probably just would have kicked it and ran.
Finally. Something relevant to TVgasm. It's the live stage for G4 TV. They were in between segments on X-Play, which is one of the worst written shows on television. I've never heard so much alliteration in one place. I once counted twelve "f" sounds in a row. Terrible.
In case you didn't believe me.
Ah, my first encounter with the Playstation 3. Amazing. Plus, I scored a touchdown on some chump standing next to me. He never saw it coming. Heh.
Okay. Miami Vice I finally found a video game based on a TV show. Or so I think. Turns out it's based on the upcoming movie instead. Either way, it looked incredibly dumb. When the developer asked if I wanted to play, I just said no and walked away. I looked back -- I don't know why -- and the guy was watching me leave. It was so sad. I think I ruined his day.
Another shot of Miami Vice. Don't ask me why I felt inclined to get a closeup.
This looked promising. A wrestler would be here live and in person. I like how his picture is like "Yes, I AM going to be there!"
But alas, no wrestler.
Here are some guys from G4 taping a segment. I pretended like I was taking a picture of the entire room, but they caught me anyway and gave me one of those looks like "Hey, stop taking our picture." So I gave them a look back like "What? I was taking a picture of the room." But of course, I was taking a picture of them all along.
This is where I was standing when I reached into my pockets and realized my car keys were missing.
This is where I was standing when I remembered that I had valeted my car at a hotel. I'm such an idiot.
A That's So Raven video game? I never thought the day would come!
I wanted to play the That's So Raven game, but there was a line. A LINE! For That's So Raven! WTF??
Disney has hands down the most annoying booth. It's the only one I want to actually take a sledgehammer to.
Here are a bunch of people sitting in line to see a video of a game called Spore. Clearly, they don't know about E3's hottest game, That's So Raven.
That's right. Dance Dance Revolution
This was actually the first time I had ever played one of these dancing games. I was at a total loss. In fact, I was stuck at this screen for a good minute or so until I realized that I was supposed to tap the upper-right hand corner.
Okay. So here's the thing about Dance Dance Revolution: I suck at it. I mean, I was terrible. First of all, as many of you know, the way the game works is that these directional symbols scroll up the screen. At a certain point, you're supposed to stomp (er, dance) in that direction. The top yellow arrow shows when you're supposed to stomp on the pad. The bottom yellow arrow shows when I stomped on the pad. As you can see, I was way off.
This screen right here was like the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life. And all I had to do was basically stand still.
Here I am in all my glory. Note the way my arms clench up as if I'm about to go into convulsions.
I also had this tendency of drifting off the mat. I'd start dancing and next thing you know, I'm like a foot away from anything remotely resembling the control pad. You can see it happening here. Look at my left foot. You can step on left, right, up, and down. My foot: standing on diagonal. THERE IS NO DIAGONAL! I'm totally inept.
This should be horrendous..
It's just as awful as it sounds. In this shot, I believe Lynette is knocking on Bree's door. Sadly, I didn't watch long enough to find out if the game includes cloying narration and dumb Teri Hatcher pratfalls.
As you could see, the gamers were enthralled.
Suddenly I saw a commotion. That was about .5 seconds BEFORE this guy wandered into the shot.
What could it be!?! What could it be!?! Who goes there?
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