TVgasm Heads to E3, Dances Really Badly! - 
by B-side
It's the wrestler! Yay!
Over at the Activision booth, skateboarders were having fun on a half-pipe. Yeah, it was cool, but not nearly as impressive as me with Dance Dance Revolution.
As you can imagine, this did not end well.
This guy bit it also. It was awesome.
At this point I was lost and walking along the wall to find the exit. Much harder than it sounds.
In my quest for the exit, I passed by the Disney booth again, and surprise, surprise -- no one was playing That's So Raven! Of course I played. But then after about ten seconds, a general sense of shame and humiliation overcame me, and I had to toss the contraption aside and run. Didn't matter where. I just had to run.
MTV was all over E3. At one point, some people on an MTV crew saw me and had this look on their faces like "That guy has a TVgasm shirt on! We should tell him how awesome that site is!" But then I realized they were looking at something behind me. So much for that.
The convention center has two main halls, and connecting them is this passage, or as I like to call it, The Hallway of The Slowest Walking People EVER.
Sweet! Adam West live from 2pm to 4pm!
Blast!
Somewhere along the way, I wound up holding this bright orange bag. That's the crazy thing about E3. Suddenly you just have random shit in your hands.
Entering the Playstation booth. I can already feel the epilepsy starting.
Hey Playstation. Stop stealing the Spider-Man font!
Of course Sony would have a VIP area. Jerks.
Hey, it's recently-eliminated American Idol contestant Chris Daughtry!
At one point, I'm walking around, and this woman points at me and says "He should battle!" A guy next to her smiles and says, "He WANTS to battle." I'm kind of like "huh?" but I'm intrigued because they're standing behind a velvet rope in a little room. The exclusivity draws me in like a moth to a flame. Next thing I know, I'm in this room preparing to "battle." I don't know what this battle will consist of, and I fear that I'll have to do some freestyle (which would not be a good thing), but soon I learn that it's a karaoke battle. Aaaah. Okay. Let's get this shit started!
So I go and "battle" this guy in karaoke. The people before us battled to a lame emo song that caused the entire crowd to leave the room. There's no way I'm doing karaoke and not bringing down the house. I know I've got to bring in the audience; so I suggest we sing "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell. Within seconds, people are piling into the room, and then it's only a matter of time before EVERYONE is singing along. It's the hottest karaoke battle in all of E3, if I do say so myself.
The battle may have been hot, but that didn't mean my voice was too. Ouch. I bit it. I was terrible. I lost by a significant margin (the PS3 calculates based on pitch, volume, and word accuracy. I certainly had volume and words. Not so much with the pitch).
I sampled a lot of games like God of War 2 and whatnot, but at the risk of not sounding like a total geek, I won't get into all details. However, I can't ignore this one. I came across these twins who seemed completely entranced by Guitar Hero 2. For some reason, I knew I had to try it also.
Here I am playing Guitar Hero 2, and like all the other musical games of the day, it's totally beyond my scope of talents. I cannot hit these notes for the life of me. I never realized I was such an uncoordinated person.
Okay. Let me tell you about this douchebag. He played Guitar Hero with me. Before the game started, I casually said, "I've never played this before." Well, this guy was the stereotypical snobby nerd. The kind of guy who rolls his eyes when you tell him you can't remember the quadratic equation off the top of your head. Anyway, he took off his little guitar (you play with them) and said to the crowd around us, "Does anyone not mind playing with an EASY person?" What the hell? Am I a leper or something? I should have asked the crowd, "Does anyone not mind playing with a smelly douchebag who lives in his mom's basement and has been working at Blockbuster for the past fifteen years?" Anyway, someone informed the guy that he could play on "expert" difficulty while I played on "easy," which meant he didn't have to suffer the humiliation of having to play down to my amateur level. Nerd crisis averted.
So we started playing, and the game ended about three seconds later because apparently, this dick couldn't keep up with his difficulty level. What an idiot. We started up again, but this time he was on a lesser difficulty setting (oh how the dungeon masters will ridicule him so!) The game went about thirty seconds longer, but it ended prematurely again, most likely because I couldn't hit more than three notes at a time. I joked that I probably screwed up that round, and the guy turned to me -- totally seriously -- and said "Yeah. I think you DID!" Whoa! It's like I just ruined his entire week. Calm down, jerk. I'd had enough of this tool; so I just walked away. It's okay. I know that I'm a Guitar Hero deep down inside. I don't need a game to validate that.
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