5:43 PM
So here I am on JetBlue once again. This time, I'm flying from JFK to Burbank. Status update: my seat is quite good. Exit row window seat -- yeah, pretty much the best you can get. The only detraction seems to be my tray table which is too slanted, causing my beverage to come sliding recklessly towards my lap if I don't keep a firm hand on it. I've recently enjoyed a bag of Munchies mix with a ginger ale. Plus, in a rare moment of pre-flight logistical genius, I decided that instead of languishing on the plane for five and a half hours without a real meal, I would instead buy a sandwich ahead of time. My choice? Black forest ham and brie with honey mustard. It was a most welcomed sandwich, especially after the hour we spent sitting on the tarmac. Of course, no meal would be complete without a little dessert; so for this mighty occasion, I indulged in a dark chocolate Toblerone bar. It seemed like a great idea at the time, and it certainly was delicious, but I had massively underestimated the candy bar's potential to send a shower of chocolate splinters down onto my lap with every bite. As a result, I had faced the tricky dilemma of having to brush off chocolate without making it melt onto my shorts. Everything seemed to go perfectly -- I managed to liberate my shorts of any chocolate threats. But alas, there was only one piece left. One damn little piece of chocolate. I think I had become too cocky in my chocolate-sweeping abilities because I tried to brush that bastard away, and dammit if it didn't instantly melt and leave a dark stain. Oh well. In other news, my stomach keeps making deep growly sounds that sound like farts but aren't. I'm praying that the woman next to me falls asleep so that I don't have to deal with the embarrassment much longer.

Anyhoo, it's 5:51 now on this laptop, which means it's really 8:51 on the East Coast. That means one thing: it's primetime! At nine, NBC has a new episode of Treasure Hunters. I don't know if I can bring myself to watch it here on the plane. I might have to save it for later. I wouldn't want to accidentally put myself to sleep.

5:53 PM
Sci-Fi has a Twilight Zone marathon on, and it's the famous episode with the beautiful woman whose face is in bandages the whole time. "Eye of the Beholder," I believe. It's the only episode of the Twilight Zone I've ever seen because it's the only one that's ever on. Hey Twilight Zone marathon: way to be original, jerks!

5:55 PM
MTV. Yay! Janelle is being a bitch to Svetlana on The Real World. I love stupid people.

5:56 PM
VH1 Classics has Grease on. It's nice to see some of John Travolta's early performances. Really dispels all those rumors about him.

5:57 PM
ESPN News: Ben Wallace is signing with the Bulls? What the? I'm so not happy about this. The best part, however, is that the sportscasters say "Big Ben signs with another team. But who? We'll tell you after the break!" Uh, someone might want to tell the ESPN people that "Ben Wallace to sign with Bulls" is written in a big box on the bottom of the screen.

6:00 PM
Okay, I must relent. Time to watch Treasure Hunters.

6:02 PM
Ooh! The teams are going to discover secrets of the American Revolution. This is almost as exciting as watching the person in front of me trying to readjust her pillow.

6:03 PM
Last episode, the teams were in Montana. Now they are randomly in Boston. No explanation. God, this show really sucks.

6:03 PM
Grad students dropping out. "We're not gonna go any further," the girls say. I'm shocked that Brad Fogal doesn't run up to Jessica, stomp on her foot, and say, "Just in case you were gonna change your mind..."

6:05 PM
Browns back in the game! You know what? I can't even take notes on this show right now. Sorry.

6:11 PM
So here's what's happened on the show. Teams have traveled to a schoolhouse where a clue said something about "Look where you can look no further" or something like that. The Air Forcers went into a classroom, saw something about "the shot heard around the world" and ran away to some part of Boston. A bunch of other teams then showed up, and instead of jumping to conclusions, they investigated the classroom. The Wild Hanlon son found a light switch, played with it, and caused a black light to turn on. And that, of course, revealed the next clue (and perhaps some semen stains, but that's another issue). As the teams left, they then walked by a sign by Genworth Financial hanging in the hallway. Don't these teams find this a little weird? An old, condemned school house and inside it is a billboard for a financial company? This show is ridiculous.

6:34 PM
Not much has been happening in the past twenty minutes. I used the bathroom, which is always fun. Treasure Hunters is still spectacularly unexciting. And right now I'm watching a commercial for Verizon that's promoting a Pirates of the Caribbean tie-in. We're told to text "DEAD" to a number. Kind of morbid, right? Oh god, my stomach just crazy growled. Like a really loud, deep one that totally sounded like I passed gas. And this was a loud one. I could hear it over my headphones. I'm gonna be a total JetBlue pariah by the time this flight is over.

Posted by B-side on July 4, 2006 3:06 PM