On line at the movie theatre Julia is uncomfortable because she is standing with a little person. Well maybe Marlow is the one who should be embarrassed to be seen with YOU, Julia, because you vaguely resemble Big Bird, ever think of that? In what I can only imagine is the entire premise for Little People, Big World, Marlow is almost ignored at the ticket booth, because the vendor can't see him below the window. Poor little guy.

In the theater while they're sitting and the height disparity isn't so noticeable, Marlow puts the moves on Julia and they make out. Julia, as she often does, storms out of the theater. FOLLOW THAT BIRD!

Marlow follows Julia outside and they both apologize, as people on television shows often do after they kiss. Julia is, well, married and Marlow is, well, tiny. It could never work! Marlow tells Julia that he has feeling for her like he's never felt before. And here is where my rage blackout comes in. You have feelings for her that intense?!?!? Okay, fine. Why. No seriously, I'm waiting. Explain to me why. Or show me where these mondo-intense feelings originated. Because if I remember correctly, you guys made out last week, somewhat out of the blue, after Julia said she needed you to help her with the baby's claws. So now because you've kissed twice and like the same movie, Julia is the love of your life? Is it just me, or is there almost nothing appealing about Julia? And Marlow seems like a pretty well put together guy, someone who has overcome a very visible handicap. He's well-read, artistic, articulate. Why is he so butt-crazy in love with Julia? I'm just kind of sick of this show telling us all of these major plot points, instead of showing us. How is it that I can believe Pam and Jim on The Office are in love when for nearly 30 episodes they didn't do much more than stare longingly at one another?

Whoa what happened there? I think I just blacked out. In the words of Frank the Tank: "That's how you do it! That's how you debate!"

Anyway, over at Christian's he's all revved up and ready to go, waiting for his hot dish of hooker pie to walk through his door. Sadly, when the doorbell rings, it's James. Not exactly what he paid for, but hey, nookie is nookie. James comes in, drinks some scotch and makes a none-too-subtly veiled analogy between her and the old, bitter, skanky scotch she is drinking. Both ripen over age. Both have crabs. But James is vewwwy sneaky, and makes Christian's drink a roofie cocktail. Tear, I miss college.

James calls up Michelle to come to the apartment. She tells Michelle that unless she finds a kidney for her in the next 20 hours or so, she's going to take both of Christian's kidneys. Would it kill Christian? Yes. But the Asians are having a two-for-one Kidney sale, so it's worth it in the end.

Michelle is off to find her some steamy, hot kidney, while James sticks around to guard the body. And yes, she does take the time to check out Christian's package. And yes, she is impressed. Is anyone else starting to think that the writers of this show all have really small cocks?

Next up in the annoying Nip/Tuck guest star canon is Alanis Morisette, playing Lez's girlfriend Poppy. The one thing that immediately strikes me is how normal her voice sounds. Hasn't anyone else noticed that usually in not only her songs, but in interviews she talks like she has had a mild stroke? No, just me? Moving on then... Poppy, is a health nut, and she's talking Lez up about getting involved in a 5K run after her second surgery in the past month. Probably not smart, but hey what do I know. If Alanis is supposed to sell Poppy as annoying, well then, she oughtta know (simple, yet effective), she's done a pretty good job. While Sean agrees, Lez is blinded by love, although the two have only been dating for two weeks. It MUST be serious.

Christian, suffering from the worst roofie cocktail hangover ever, asks Sean for a blood test to see exactly what James put in his drink. At this point I can't tell if Christian is a dope for not realizing that James drugging him and Michelle being a med student and a former hooker of James' and the stealing of kidneys around the Miami-Dade County are all linked together, or if I just think he should know because I know. For once, I'll give Christian the benefit of the doubt. Cocksucker. In the interim Christian tells Sean all about James, Michelle and the fact that there company is now owned by a hooker. Whoops!

Sean's next patient happens to be Marlow. He's interested in a leg lengthening procedure. Ugh. I feel another rage blackout coming on. Passing... passing... passing... Okay, that was a close one. So after two purely over the clothes tongue kisses, Marlow, who up until now seemed like the only sane guy around, has decided that he's ready and willing to have an extremely painful procedure done to enhance his height by about 3 - 6 inches, all in the name of L-O-V-E. I won't go into the details of the surgery, but it has something to do with metal rods, screws and an appearance by Albus Dumbledore. The best part of the scene, however, is when Marlow imagines life with Julia as a man of short stature instead of a little person. I can't help but laugh, because "tall" Marlow looks oddly like "grown-up" Stewie from the Family Guy movie.

Posted by Umnata on November 2, 2006 1:00 PM