So Lez's surgery is set to "Just the Way You Are" by Billy Joel. My question thus becomes how do you expect to give the woman liposuction, with all that cheese coming out of the speakers? ZING! Ironically, not only am I from Long Island where Billy Joel grew up, but I actually live in the same town and went to the same high school. Sorry, Bill. Somehow, the guys muddle through, as Poppy, also an anesthesiologist, starts complaining about Lez's appearance. She's wondering if while Lez is down, if they could just do a little something to her arm fat. Seriously, that's what your concern is? How about a complete facial reconstruction? Wouldn't that be a good place to start? Aww, Lez, if I didn't hate you so much, I'd feel bad. Christian and Sean, are pretty taken aback by Poppy's comments about Lez, and finish up the surgery, just doing the Lypo.

James heads out to her fancy car, opens the door and watches in horror as pounds of medical sewage and body fat come pouring out of the doors. It seems that Sean and Christian had a build up of spare parts that needed to be discarded for months that were being picked up today. Christian, ever the opportunist, decided that he would use this to his advantage when providing James with some payback from the Roofie Cocktail she served him up. James is reallllllly having a bad few days, and it's a testament to how much Christian has fractured our relationship that I'm siding with James, the kidney stealer. James, hardly missing a beat (okay, she has to choke back some vomit), tells Christian that she will make it up to him with some Grade-A Top Quality cooter.

Sean checks in on Lez, and she asks him if she's beautiful. I then have to rewind and watch the last 5 minutes over again because I laugh through them. Lez, it was just Lypo... Sean then tries to delicately tell Lez what a bitch Poppy is, but Lez doesn't want to hear any of it. As usual, any time Sean actually needs to do the right (or hard) thing, like tell his good friend that her girlfriend thinks she's a fat cow, he folds. Way to go Sean! Poppy then comes in and tries to snuggle with Lez. Instead of telling her how wonderful she's going to look, Poppy tells Lez not to worry, next time they'll do more to her. Lez, I'm sorry but there is no surgery to cure... a broken heart.

At the office, Michelle sees the hooker James has sent for Christian in the waiting room. This leads to yet another confrontation between these two, where Michelle is trying to warn Christian and Christian decides to wax poetic about his monstrous tool and how God wants him to use it. No, not that he is a monstrous tool, but that he has a big dick. Wait, didn't you know? Christian is well-endowed! I know, they've been trying to keep it a very subtle implication, but it's true. Also, psst, come closer and I'll tell you, the ladies, they seem to find him irresistible.

Back at Sean & Julia's, Sean is admiring Julia and a fussy Sebastian. Sean thinks that Sebastian might be cranky about the crazy, scary mural that Marlow put up, but Julia suspects that it's because of the metal screw in Sebastian's claw. I think that it's probably combination of the two, mixed in with a little my parents suck. Julia defends Marlow's painting, but Sean is quick to give Marlow the smack down, excited probably that for once he can call someone else out on their bullshit. He tells Julia all about the leggrowthopsy.

Julia having left, nay, stormed out of the house, when Sean started to screw in Sebastian's claw/hand, heads over the Marlow's, where he is listening to his most sensitive little person music, painting and wearing a tank top. He's so soulful! Seriously, if Marlow wasn't played by Peter Dinklage (who quite simply, rules), I doubt that I'd feel anything other than disdain for him. Julia tells Marlow not to get the leggrowthopsy, because she's married and can't be with him. Marlow counters with the very real possibility that she may not always be married to Sean. Julia, showing almost no faith in her marriage whatsoever, agrees. I'd probably have taken this a lot less hard if it hadn't come on the heels of the Reese & Ryan break-up. Seriously? Reese and Ryan? If they can't make it...

Anywho, Marlow claims that in every other way, besides her being Big Bird to his Elmo, they are perfect for one another (WHY!?!? DEAR GOD WHY!?!?!). This leads to the greatest Midget sex scene since Zoolander. Alright, there was no "sex scene" (what a rip-off), but there was a little pillow talk. I found the whole thing positively delightful, in the most unintentional way possible.

At the House on Haunted Hill, Michelle meets Landau's nurse in the hallway, and although Landau is feeling particularly ill, she lets the woman leave for the evening. At the same time, Christian is getting his money's worth with James' whore.

Posted by Umnata on November 2, 2006 1:00 PM