For the love of all that is holy, what the hell is Meryl Bobolit doing here? Why is it parade of the Season 1 guest stars? For those of you who need a refresher (I know I did), Bobolit was a competing Plastic Surgeon acquaintance of Sean and Christian's (I think they may have even all gone to Med School together?), whom they had run-ins with in the past. As a matter of fact, in one of the slimier things Christian has ever done to Kimber, he traded her to Bobolit for Bobolit's fancy new car. And to think she wants to get back at him by getting pregnant by his son! The nerve! Anyway, Bobolit fell on some hard times and started working for an illegal back door Asian plastic surgeon chop shop. When one of the surgeries went wrong, a girl was killed and Bobolit went to jail. We haven't seen or heard from him in about two years, if not longer. In fact, besides a mildly interesting theory that I had last season that Bobolit was the Carver, I haven't given him a second thought.

Regardless, this is the first we are hearing of what's happened to Bobolit in the past few years. It seems he was jailed, but cut a deal to help get Mme. Rose, the Asian Body Chop Shop ring leader, convicted. Bobolit's problems didn't end there, however, as he was raped repeatedly in jail and now needs a Pro bono Anal Retread. Christian says that he'll retread Bobolit's Anus alright! DRINK! Okay, that didn't happen, I just wanted to drink. In order to protect himself from the rapes and to gain better general status, Bobolit got married in prison, which is not entirely unlike the circumstances under which K-Fed married Brit Brit.

Bobolit seems pretty happy about this decision, and even suggests that Christian would do the same thing if he were in his shoes. Or knees, as the case may be. Christian scoffs: "I'm no ones bitch, Meryl." DRINK up ladies and gents! To prove his commitment, Bobolit even got his "husband's" name branded on his ass. Kind of like crazy Brooke Shields' Dr. Faith did with Christian's name earlier this season. Dr. Who you ask? Don't worry, I'm sure in another three years or so, her story line will be picked up right where it left off.

The real zinger here is who Bobolit's hubby was. He was no other than... Escobar! Time warp back to Season 1 again. Escobar was a Spanish Drug lord whom Christian and Sean got entangled with years ago. Somehow they ended up with one of his foot soldiers, Sylvio, dead body in their possession (Sylvio was a pederast, but other than that, the details of his death are murky), and had to dispose of the body in the Florida Everglades. To free themselves of Escobar, they agreed to do a facial reconstructive surgery for him, so he could escape the country. Cleverly, Sean and Christian reconstructed his face so that he looked exactly like one of the FBI's 10 Most Wanted Criminals. This was years ago, back when the show was innovative.

Escobar hasn't been heard from or thought of in the last few years, until this season when Sean kept seeing him in his imagination (telling Sean to kill Monica, etc.). It's completely and utterly moronic that the show dipped back in to this well and put its other plot strands on hold (Dr. Faith, Michelle & Burt, James, for fuck's sake even Lez and Alanis), to tie up loose ends that weren't untied in the first place. Smell that? It's the putrid stench of desperation. Sadly, the show has already been green lit for a 5th Season.

Thus completing my weekly Nip Sucks rage blackout let's move on shall we? It seems that Bobolit's hubby has some surgeries he needs. The boys' first instinct is to deny Bobolit, but he makes it clear that Escobar is ready to blab about the little friend in the Everglades if Sean and Christian don't comply.

I suppose Sean's visit from the Ghosts of Seasons Past wasn't torture enough for him so he heads to visit Marlow. In Marlow's loft he's painting again and listening to jazz. Could this guy BE any more pretentious? Sean wants to know why Marlow cancelled his leggrowthopsy. Sean correctly deduces that the woman Marlow was doing it for broke up with him. Sean wants to know why? Was Big Bird Married? Marlow sees right through Sean's poor attempts at subtlety. Marlow has a strict no pussy footing around policy. That's right, he doesn't pussy foot. Pussy footing is banned. Anyway, Sean, inspired by the lack of pussy and feet, wants Marlow to Straight-Up Now Tell Him (oh oh oh) is Marlow having affair with wife? Marlow gives an incredibly annoying answer about Julia and he having an "intimacy beyond employer/employee." That sounds pretty Pussyfooty to me. Sean gets heated and looks like he's going to take a swing at Marlow. Marlow notices this and gets on step stool so Sean and he are face to face, all but insuring that Sean won't punch him because it's just too low, even for Sean. Don't worry Sean gets the last laugh when he screams: "I painted over your mural!" Perhaps he should also call Marlow a poppy face? That might really hurt him.

Posted by Umnata on November 9, 2006 4:05 PM