Alistair tells Beth that it's all her fault they've been found, and that Luis only wants Marty and Sheridan, not her. She pouts. Hey, why can't Alistair just set off another smoke bomb and disappear? He's already done that at least twice before. Some sort of alarm goes off, which tells Alistair that the train is being targeted by missiles. We see a very cheap-looking shot of a small plane in the sky and then a "Target Acquired" light on an instrument panel. Cut to the helicopter, where Luis confirms that the plane and its missiles were not planned or requested by him or by Interpol.

Da plane! Da plane!

Alistair points out, quite correctly, that Luis would never order a missile attack on the train, because it might kill Marty. So who's behind it? Everybody is nervous.

Whitney prays, alone in the chapel. She thanks God for letting her and Chad get back together. God is like, "Yeah, you guys are still gross." Chad is still out in the hall conniving on his phone. "My having a wife isn't going to stop us from getting together," he says. Unfortunately, I'm sure this whole thing is a red herring. Here's my prediction: Chad is a secret agent of some kind, and right now, he's on the phone with his boss, letting him know that he's getting married, but it's not going to impact his ability to do his secret-agent job. Sure, Chad is flirting heavily with the person on the other end of the phone call, but the show is relying on the fact that by the time the big reveal comes (possibly years from now), we will have forgotten about that. Notice that he doesn't actually say "I love you" or anything like that. Lame, but again, a bit of a surprise, so I endorse it.

Uh-oh. After the old nun leaves Theresa alone in the piazza, Theresa starts talking to herself. She says that she can't tell Ethan that Little Ethan is his son, and just then, Ethan walks up behind her. D'oh! Yeah, kind of a dumb idea to talk to yourself in public about your deep, dark secrets. You'd think this would have negative consequences a lot more often than it does.

Ha ha. Chris is still burning documents and talking to himself, and the camera pans down to show the un-burned document lying on the floor. This scene just repeats what already happened, but it is funny because the camera passes by some sort of decorative urn with the word "CHICKPEA" painted on it. The music is all dramatic and it makes it seem like "CHICKPEA" is some significant code word or something.

A doctor checks on Sheridan, who wakes up just as Alistair aims the brand right at Marty in her dream. She sits bolt upright and says that Marty is about to die. The doctor tries to calm her down.

The small plane closes in on the train and prepares to fire its missile. Luis yells, "Maaaaartyyyyy!!!!" (Is this an intentional homage to Michael on Lost constantly yelling "Waaaaaalt!!!!"?) In the cheesiest special-effect shot ever, the plane launches the missile. Alistair chuckles about the idea of dying this way, as Beth looks at Marty with concern. The train blows up. We end on Luis's anguished face, as he watches Marty die in an explosion for the second time in what, in Passions time, must only be a few days. Who here thinks that Luis will remember that the last time this happened, Marty was quickly revealed as not dead? Not me.

The launch.


Da train! Da train!


BOOM!


Oh, jeez, not again.

I know what you're all thinking right now: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE MERMAID? Well, she didn't appear on Friday, and to be honest, that storyline is pretty much stalled. When we left off, Siren was singing her "siren song" to draw Fox into her bed and subject him to the Mermaid's Curse. Endora, who loves Fox, stopped Siren by issuing forth some purple lightning bolts that burned Tabitha's house down. (If you saw B-Side's last Passions Clipgasm, that's what was going on there.)

Everyone got out of the house safely, and then they all went next door to live at Sam and Ivy's. Kay still thinks she's engaged to Miguel - a result of her brains having been scrambled by the electrically unsafe washing machine. Everyone is still operating under Dr. Eve's orders not to tell Kay the truth, lest it startle her and somehow kill her. So Kay keeps trying to make out with Miguel, and he keeps going along with it, and Fox and Siren keep being really mad about it, but not really doing anything.

Meanwhile, Tabitha was concerned that when the fire marshal came to look at the ruins of her house, he would find evidence of witchcraft in the rubble of the basement. She tried to cook up a spell to prevent this, and this led to some wacky kitchen run-ins with Ivy. In the end, Endora conjured a swarm of cartoon "worker bees," which went next door and rebuilt the house. Everyone was really confused by that, until Endora conjured a generic workman to appear and announce that he had just finished rebuilding the house. So the house is back to normal, but Kay still isn't.

Previews: Chad again says on the phone that no one, especially Whitney, is going to find out about him and the person on the phone. Luis, in the helicopter, says that this is the end of everything. Theresa tearfully tells Ethan that she has to tell him something, so I guess he didn't quite overhear what she said, yet. See you next week!

Posted by Amanda on July 19, 2006 1:31 PM