Phew, what a show. And we've got a long ways to go, so get comfortable. At this point I'm unfortunately noticing that Prison Break does not contain (yet) any of those ridiculous plot twists or impossibilities like 24. This sucks for me because there's really not much to make fun of... The show kicks ass, plain and simple. Christ, please give me a teenage Arab with an afro at some point. C'mon, FOX... I'll give you an origami duck! Alas, no Behrooz and no lispy IT nerd. Instead we get two guys in suits cryptically informing us that "Bishop McMorrow is not in the fold." Bishop F'ing McMorrow? Who is that? Dapper men in suits? Why? Like the LJ story arc, I'll tie this one up here as well. See, Bishop McMorrow is the top Catholic dog in the city and he opposes the death penalty on principle. Lincoln is scheduled to die in a month and apparently he simply must not live any longer than that for some reason. So, in other words, the Bishop can't be allowed to go through his namby pamby anti-death penalty gibberish, extending Lincoln's life - even by a day. So the two suits visit McMorrow personally and try to blackmail him, but he doesn't bite. Later, while the Bishop was sleeping (dreaming pure thoughts, no doubt), an unseen assassin murdered him. Oh, and get this: The two guys in the suits were... Secret Service agents! Screw the DaVinci code, we've got Prison Break! Now all we need is the Pope to get involved.

Back at Fox River prison, Michael was meeting with the warden. That would be Warden Pope - no joke. Turns out that the Warden did his homework on Michael and knows he lied on his background check. Uh-oh, the gig is up! Rather than being unemployed, as he noted, Pope knew that he was actually a structural engineer. And? And? The warden would like his assistance with his scale model of the Taj Mahal, which is to be a gift for his wife on their anniversary, not his kid's science fair project as you'd hope. What if... If the Taj Mahal is in India, and Warden Pope is played by Stacy Keach, and Stacy Keach used to play Mike Hammer... What if Michael is going to get a special hammer to dig his way through the earth to India? So many clues... head... hurting... Despite the generous offer, Michael declines, much to the consternation of the warden. Afterwards, Michael has a meeting with Veronica (his lawyer, remember?) and tells her to find out who's trying to "bury" his brother.

At this point, the other storylines with the kid and the pot, Bishop McMorrow, and the mafia guys played out. Also, while in the yard, Michael notices his Loft magazine is still lodged perpendicular to the flow of the water in the drainage pipe. And lo! He also notices the magazine did its job and stopped the origami duck he released earlier up at the prison infirmary, when he was getting treated for the infected tattoo! Conclusion: Origami ducks are cute. After his experiment proved worthy, Micheal chatted it up with the resident old guy with an abnormal affinity for an animal. Every prison movie/show has one... This one was named Westmoreland and he had a cat named Marilyn. I'm not sure if any of that matters, but I thought I'd be thorough here since it's the premiere. While Michael was talking to Westmoreland, Andruzzi and his thugs decided they didn't like origami ducks and proceeded to beat the crap out of our handsome Michael. Conclusion: Origami ducks are not cute to evil henchmen. Damn you ducks, I'll figure you out yet! As a result of getting beaten up, the warden decides Michael will spend 90 days in "the shoe." But since Lincoln is scheduled to die much sooner, Michael pulls his trump card and promises to help Warden Pope with his popsicle stick Taj Mahal. Amazingly, this worked and spared him from solitary confinement. Slick.

At this point, the Bishop was sent to heaven by the aforementioned unseen assailant. When lawyer Veronica heard the news, she decided that Michael may actually be on to something and decided to probe further into Lincoln's situation. Back in prison, Sucre was enjoying a conjugal visit from his girlfriend who happily accepted his marriage proposal. They banged, he mentioned some concern about some guy named Hector and she left. I refuse to mention this lame storyline anymore - unless it becomes integral. 24 suffers from this same distracting problem too. Anyway, to wrap up the first hour, Dr. Tancredi has noticed that Michael's blood is reacting to his insulin shots as if he's not really a Type 1 diabetic but he hardly hears her as he's staring out the window scanning for what we can only assume are possible escape routes. He was listening, however, as he proved later when he asked the local "drug dealer" to procure him some insulin blocker drug. Also, Andruzzi agreed to get him onto the work detail - since he figured out that Michael and his ducks know where Fibannacci is. And for whatever reason, Fibannacci's location is the single most important thing in the world to Prison Break's mafia crew.

Posted by on August 31, 2005 3:15 AM