To Escape: Behind Wall, Into Sewer, Then Up Through the Attica! Attica! - 
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Wow, that was deliciously nasty. After watching this season of Surreal Life with Omarosa and Janice Dickinson calling each other names, I'm going to have to give the "Insulter of the Year" Award to Bellick on Prison Break. Kudos, you prick. Unsurprisingly, the insult only fueled Bags' anger as he and his cronies went absolutely berserk on the cage protecting the guards. So berserk, in fact, that they broke through it just as the guards escaped behind a more secure door. But once inside the cage, T-Bag was able to unlock all the cellblock's cells and ... What's this? A full set of keys on the ground! In the fervor, a rookie guard dropped his keychain and now the prisoners had the run of the asylum. Grrrreeeaaaat.
The next thing we knew, Lincoln Burroughs was being escorted back to his cell (after meeting with Nick/Veronica) by another rookie guard. Of course, with a full-scale riot now in effect, his trip wouldn’t be as boring as usual. Rounding a corner, there appeared goddamn T-Bag and some friends. T-Bag, sizing up the young guard, simply asked Lincoln to step aside and let him at it. Lincoln, being the innocent galoot he is, decided that he’d try to protect the guard. In fact, the guard was scared so shitless, he simply let death row inmate Lincoln to unlock his cuffs himself, as he stood there petrified.
(While all this was going on, Sucre and Michael happily discussed escape plans safely away from the mayhem. This week’s ridiculous tattoo clue was that of a devil head, which Michael then projected onto the concrete wall. You see, behind the devil head projection was the sewer tunnel that they would use to ultimately escape. And, you see, the points of the devil’s horns and beard as well as his nose formed the necessary quincunx diagram for them to drill with the aforementioned special equipped egg beater, drilling at the optimal points to render the walls' tensile strength weak enough to topple. I mean, duh! Who didn’t see that one coming?)
[If your heartrate has slowed back down to normal, do some jumping jacks... Shit is about to GO OFF!]
Up in the infirmary, the good doctor was treating several inmates for heat exhaustion and other various ailments. When word of the riot reached the patients, they too decided to act out against authority. One particularly large gentleman choked out the one guard on duty, then attempted to do the same to Dr. Tancredi. She acted swiftly, though, by stabbing him in the hand and escaping into the relative safety of the office.
After a quick commercial, we returned to what I thought was Headbanger’s Ball (yes, it’s back on MTV2 by the way, often hosted by my boy Jamey Jasta) as Lincoln went sick on T-Bag and crew. With a little thrash-lite in the background and a pretty cool strobe/stop motion effect, the fight was produced most excellently, I must say – even if it did look like an Agnostic Front video from ten years ago. Beaten by sheer numbers, Lincoln was knocked out and left lying on the ground, as the guard was T-Bag’s true desire. He dragged the guard out in front of the rioters to massive cheers – even the blacks cheered him on, which I found simply ridiculous. They HATED this racist asshole a few episodes ago. T-Bag was fully intent on raping the poor young guard, and threw him into the closest available cell. By tossing his ragdoll body into the cell, he slammed him up against the toilet at the rear - which easily fell off the wall, exposing a large hole into the interstitial spaces of the prison. Holy Shit! Even the son of retarded incest knew… “They’re breaking out!”
HolyshitHolyshitHolyshit.
Seriously, as corny as this reads and as much as we knew the cell he was going into was Michael’s, it was all still totally badass. Just before T-Bag was about to yell out the secret to the masses, Abruzzi appeared and shut him up. Of course, this meant T would have to be let in on the plans and… and… the half-beaten guard is also now privy to the hole in the wall. If that weren’t enough, the mini riot up in the infirmary was now a full on attempt to get to the doctor, as the prisoners were doing their damndest to break through the door to get at her.
Oh my god, what could possibly happen next? Some handsome hulking dude picked Lincoln up off the floor and offered to help him find Michael in all the mess. Before female viewers who have a penchant for the meathead look could get their panties too wet, it turned out that this was the hitman ordered to kill Lincoln! And now he had a groggy Lincoln and there's no one around!
Then Michael and Sucre returned to their cell to find a half-dead guard, a T-Bag, and Abruzzi standing there with a riot going on outside. Michael’s a cool dude and all, but sheesh, that’s a hard situation to come correct in, you know? After barely absorbing the situation, he heard that Dr. Tancredi was trapped and about to be killed up in the infirmary! So he ordered everyone to keep the guard alive and that he’d be right back. He slipped back through his hole in a ridiculous effort to save the doctor somehow.
Breathe.
Lincoln is about to be killed off by some thug. T-Bag and a guard now know about the hole behind the toilet. There’s a full-scale riot going on. The doctor is about to be killed by angry felons. Michael is going to try to rescue her. And Veronica is going to DC with Nick. Can you believe that? With Nick?
And then we got this:
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