The Motley Crew Saves Dr. Feelgood - 
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B-Side's recent spate of 80's hair band-inspired titles obviously influenced my Prison Break title this week. At least my title is better than the show's real title, which was simply, "Part 2." I'm all for minimalism, but "Part 2"? Weak. However, my disappointment was immediately remedied by the show itself: It began with a totally rockin' recap of last week's riotous action; set to the same generic metal track that T-Bag rhythmically beat Lincoln Burroughs up to last episode. And shit, this episode had better have been good - because Fox will be showing the baseball playoffs instead for the next few weeks just like they used to do during 24; they're screwing us fans and airing something completely the opposite of Prison Break. Baseball: boring, slow paced, and non-violent... Lame.
I can't stress enough how awesomely the show seamlessly melds the recap into new footage each week. It's a little hard to explain, but more shows should adopt the Prison Break method. In fact, it's often hard to tell exactly when the switch occurs, but before you know what hits you, you're viewing previously unseen drama. Since last week ended with the prison in the midst of a full-scale riot, this week began with equally exciting action. Gee, perhaps I should stop tossing this show's salad and get around to describing it, eh?
It's a little hard to describe the sheer mayhem of a prison riot. Helicopters were flying overhead, the National Guard was amassing on the grounds, and Warden Pope and CO Bellick were fuming over the breakdown. Also, remember the rookie guard Bob was chained up in Michael's cell with none other than sicko T-Bag lording over him. Oh, and the only female in the facility, Dr. Tancredi, was shrieking in terror as some not-so-infirm prisoners were this close to breaking through a door in order to get their grubby paws (and other appendages) on her. Unbeknownst to her, however, her favorite prisoner (Michael) was crawling across the roof at that very moment to save her - sharpshooters, helicopters, and logic be damned. Also, Lincoln Burroughs was about to be murdered by some hulking beast of a man in the bowels of the prison - at the request of the evil old lady in Montana via the Secret Service dicks through the suburban dad at Navy Pier in Chicago. Got all that? Good, cause I didn’t even touch on Nick and Veronica who were flying to Washington DC where they’d have to find the route marker at the Capitol’s reflecting pool, then make contact with a spy and… wow, I almost just made The Amazing Race Family Edition cool and exciting. But that would be impossible.
Almost immediately the big lug lead Lincoln through a series of tunnels and back passageways in his duplicitous effort to link up the brothers. Lincoln, being a dipshit, followed this guy into what appeared to be the most out of the way boiler room in the prison. Straight up Freddy Krueger lair. If not Freddy, then at least Mario and Luigi were surely hiding out behind some piping. Then BOOM! Giant thug began strangling Lincoln with some piano wire. Everyone in this prison has a shiv of some sort except the guy “hired” to do the US Government’s dirty work – typical bureaucracy. Lincoln, being the badass dipshit he is, was able to struggle and fight his way out of the death grip, even resorting to the old kick to the balls trick. He escaped with a cut neck and a serious case of steam burns.
Up at the apparent Open House in Michael’s cell, T-Bag licked his perverted chops as Bob the bloody and beaten guard was pleading his case; “I didn’t see anything, I swear!” Sucre and T-Bag didn’t believe he'd keep quiet though. After all, Bob wasn’t named Sergeant Shultz and Michael wasn’t off on some completely improbable, undetected escape with his intent being to bag the only hot chick in town – errr, actually that’s exactly what was going on. HOOOOOOO-GAAAAAAAAAN!
At key points during the hour, the show would switch to the more mundane storyline of Nick and Veronica’s little jaunt to DC. It actually offered my heart a little respite from the nonstop prison action, so it wasn’t all bad. And besides, I’ve come to enjoy watching Robin Tunney (Veronica) and trying to figure out what’s wrong with her face. She has an odd quality about her – meaning the left side of her face is sideways and/or off-kilter somehow. Oh sure, they try to put her hair over her indent at times, and she is always leaning to her “good side,” but I'm not fooled. And I’m fascinated by it. I want to touch her flounder face… and so does Nick. He’s flying all the way to DC with her in an effort to meet his contact that can help him figure out who placed the anonymous phone call that began the chain of events to frame Lincoln Burroughs. He is so horny for her that he entertains her crazy conspiracy theories about how the murder victim (the VP’s brother) had created a prototype engine that would have rendered the our county’s need for oil obsolete. Therefore, goes the thought, some oily villain murdered the president of the revolutionary company in order to stymie any eco-development. Because, apparently, that makes sense somehow.
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